i managed to miss the entire month of november... and managed little to show for all the efforts of the month. my first semester of PA school is behind me (with great relief and joyful heart) and the rehabilitation to normal life is underway... i just checked myself out of caffeine detox after the exam schedule this past week :) hahah, maybe not really, but i was on brain vaycay for a couple of days... i think i am back on schedule now though... the sisters come in from college this week and join the family in one of our "homelands" *not really sure where home is these days with the recent move and all* :)) it will be good to be together- to enjoy the laughter and fellowship of the closest family and friends... twil be a fine time in the country, indeed...
mom and i just had a lovely little chat about the frustrations that accompany exam week- the desire to give it up and work in a gas station and praise Jesus all the while... it seems/seemed like a good option at the mid-point of exams which exist solely to prove not your memory, but your ability to regurgitate every syllable of what you have learned the past three months... ptL that life is not set up in such a manner...
i learned something the other day reading a medical journal... no, not pertaining to the new leading cause of death (which is cancer, by the way... no longer heart-related generalities) or the latest side-effects of stool softeners or laxatives :) *we won't go into those, merry Christmas!!* haha-- no, this story is pertinent to all of our lives~
happiness is contagious. it is now proven that happiness is more contagious than airborne diseases... to the third degree even... if your friend's friend is happy, you will feel the effects of said happiness. one person involved in the study went as far to say that if you are associated with a happy person within the third degree limits, you will be more affected by that person's happiness than you will be affected by your own spouse's frustration... i am no marriage counselor and have no training in regards to anything marriage related, but i find that hard to believe... and still, i think it goes to show that happiness plays a greater role in healthy living than stress and frustration (which apparently was not 'scientifically proven' at least on the immune system/cancer/weight fronts)... however...
happiness is contagious... a genuine smile then could change a small community... and that community could change the town... city... state... region... nation... (oooooooh) world. who knew a single smile or laugh could go so far...
which is where the title comes into play... corn cob pipe and a button nose and two eyes made out of coal... you can't imagine a smiling face when you sing that song... *its on tonight, ps* maybe frosty's purpose was to make one little girl happier so she could make five little boys happier, who, in turn made their families happier... resulting in a happier town...
and we don't live in the 2-d world of frosty and karen and the angry magician with a cute pet bunny, but our real-d world of erin and _____ and the grumpy neighbor with an annoying dog need to experience the same life-changing smile of happiness this joyous season.
it seems to be the storyline in every Christmas movie... someone changed by another person's kindness... and i can think of a better example than frosty... God sent us the largest "smile" ever in His Son on the first Christmas. i would imagine that God, being as good and amazing and indescribable as He is, encompasses everything that we perceive as positive... including happiness... so then, His Son... Jesus Christ... would be an extension of said happiness... the true source of happiness and joy... extended to us in human form... sharing happiness with every blink, gentle touch, laugh... and into His death... and beyond His death-shattering resurrection... happiness overcame grief and evolved into hope...
which is so much cooler than frosty regaining his snowman status after melting into a puddle... so much cooler :)
share the smile of the season... the smile of life... the smile of Jesus... today!
with love in my heart :))
10.29.2008
as i work and wait
here's the other song on my heart tonight... because it would be unfair to leave it out :)
i wanna stay here in this place
resting in Your everlasting arms
there's nothing as great as
praising Your name
lifting up the name of Jesus Christ
as i behold Your wondrous love
i will forever glorify the King of heaven
its my joy, my life, to praise Your name
nothing could ever separate me
from the love i've found in You
i bless Your name
i realize i stole a line from the previous post, but i think it is totally appicable to this post as well... maybe that is why my heart has these songs playing at the same time... hmmm...
but really, how exciting is it that that is true? forever my joy, my life... good times right there :)
i wanna stay here in this place
resting in Your everlasting arms
there's nothing as great as
praising Your name
lifting up the name of Jesus Christ
as i behold Your wondrous love
i will forever glorify the King of heaven
its my joy, my life, to praise Your name
nothing could ever separate me
from the love i've found in You
i bless Your name
i realize i stole a line from the previous post, but i think it is totally appicable to this post as well... maybe that is why my heart has these songs playing at the same time... hmmm...
but really, how exciting is it that that is true? forever my joy, my life... good times right there :)
i am finding out the greatness
it is late, and there is homework to be done... yet here i sit, posting a blog, with my 20lb book on my lap. my eyes are tired from the week's reading, my voice is all but gone with a cold on the way, and i am pretty sure my brain has packed itself up for the week *since i thought 4 from 5 was 0* but it isn't, hahah, it is 1 :) regardless of all of that, i have a smile on my face... i got some amazing news today in the mail... a doctor's note... a good *strike that* a miraculous report that my body is sill working like a fine tuned machine :)
and it is all God's amazing hand of protection once again covering my life...
God's gifts and miracles... we say that they come to us on sale racks, as a dozen free donuts, as rock-star parking spots... we behold them as foggy mountain sunrises, changing leaves of the season, the first snow of the year... we hear them in the laughs of children, the chirp of a cricket, the trickle of a stream... and we overlook the majority of life's miracles and their reflection of a truly magnificent Creator. maybe i haven't done an adequate job......
i have been looking for a song online... one that you can listen to and understand the 'status' of my soul... but i can't find a version that resonates... i am posting the lyrics in hopes that you may have some free time to pull out an old hymnal and sing
Jesus i am resting, resting
in the joy of what Thou art;
i am finding out the greatness
of Thy loving heart.
Thou hast bid me gaze upon Thee, and Thy beauty fills my soul, for by Thy transforming power Thou hast made me whole. o how great Thy loving kindness. vaster, broader than the sea! o how marvellous Thy goodness, lavished all on me! yes, i rest in Thee, Beloved, know but wealth of grace is thine Thy certainty of promise, and have made it mine.
Jesus, i am resting, resting
in the joy of what Thou art;
i am finding out the greatness
of Thy loving heart.
simply trusting Thee, Lord Jesus, i behold Thee as Thou art, and Thy love, so pure, so changeless, satisfies my heart; satisfies its deepest longings, meets supplies its every need, and surrounds me with its blessings; Thine is love indeed!
Jesus, i am resting, resting
in the joy of what Thou art;
i am finding out the greatness
of Thy loving heart.
ever lift Thy face upon me, as i work and wait for Thee; resting beneath Thy smile, Lord Jesus, earth's dark shadows flee. brightness of my Father's glory, sunshine of my Father's face... keep me ever trusting, resting; fill me with Thy grace.
and it is all God's amazing hand of protection once again covering my life...
God's gifts and miracles... we say that they come to us on sale racks, as a dozen free donuts, as rock-star parking spots... we behold them as foggy mountain sunrises, changing leaves of the season, the first snow of the year... we hear them in the laughs of children, the chirp of a cricket, the trickle of a stream... and we overlook the majority of life's miracles and their reflection of a truly magnificent Creator. maybe i haven't done an adequate job......
i have been looking for a song online... one that you can listen to and understand the 'status' of my soul... but i can't find a version that resonates... i am posting the lyrics in hopes that you may have some free time to pull out an old hymnal and sing
Jesus i am resting, resting
in the joy of what Thou art;
i am finding out the greatness
of Thy loving heart.
Thou hast bid me gaze upon Thee, and Thy beauty fills my soul, for by Thy transforming power Thou hast made me whole. o how great Thy loving kindness. vaster, broader than the sea! o how marvellous Thy goodness, lavished all on me! yes, i rest in Thee, Beloved, know but wealth of grace is thine Thy certainty of promise, and have made it mine.
Jesus, i am resting, resting
in the joy of what Thou art;
i am finding out the greatness
of Thy loving heart.
simply trusting Thee, Lord Jesus, i behold Thee as Thou art, and Thy love, so pure, so changeless, satisfies my heart; satisfies its deepest longings, meets supplies its every need, and surrounds me with its blessings; Thine is love indeed!
Jesus, i am resting, resting
in the joy of what Thou art;
i am finding out the greatness
of Thy loving heart.
ever lift Thy face upon me, as i work and wait for Thee; resting beneath Thy smile, Lord Jesus, earth's dark shadows flee. brightness of my Father's glory, sunshine of my Father's face... keep me ever trusting, resting; fill me with Thy grace.
Jesus, i am resting, resting
in the joy of what Thou art;
i am finding out the greatness
of Thy loving heart.
in the joy of what Thou art;
i am finding out the greatness
of Thy loving heart.
10.21.2008
the longest relationship of my life
if you want to take that literally, i was four... his name was grant. i kissed him every day in preschool for at least a year, maybe two... i don't remember, because i was only four. but i am pretty sure i was a good girlfriend because i made him a plastic meal when he came home from work with his guy friends. it was an intense relationship... possibly unhealthy... but i was four... so we are going to let that go...
point of the story, i celebrated my 15 year anniversary today...
it isn't really a celebratory hoo-rah party kinda deal. it isn't even 'send a card' occasion. maybe it is a 'rent a movie and watch it at 2 in the morning' party... or a 'go volunteer on the children's wing of the hospital and tell all the new diabetic kids that its gonna be okay and their lives aren't ruined forever' day *i am going to have to do that soon* but yeah, today is my 15th consecutive year in a hard-core relationship with artificial insulin... a hormone of foreign rDNA origin with a displaced amino acid somewhere in its beta-chain, around 28 think... and i am happy to say that i think we have another happy 15 years together... hahaha :)) *find the humor, please* warrants another laugh, hahaha... point-blank- without insulin, my life would have ended a long time ago.
and that is when i had this light-bulb go off in my subconscious... as much as insulin saved my life 15 years ago, i wouldn't be alive if it weren't for a different day... more momentous than any other... june 18 one nine nine five... Jesus saved me that day. it may not be the longest, but it is by far the most important... can you say the same thing?
point of the story, i celebrated my 15 year anniversary today...
it isn't really a celebratory hoo-rah party kinda deal. it isn't even 'send a card' occasion. maybe it is a 'rent a movie and watch it at 2 in the morning' party... or a 'go volunteer on the children's wing of the hospital and tell all the new diabetic kids that its gonna be okay and their lives aren't ruined forever' day *i am going to have to do that soon* but yeah, today is my 15th consecutive year in a hard-core relationship with artificial insulin... a hormone of foreign rDNA origin with a displaced amino acid somewhere in its beta-chain, around 28 think... and i am happy to say that i think we have another happy 15 years together... hahaha :)) *find the humor, please* warrants another laugh, hahaha... point-blank- without insulin, my life would have ended a long time ago.
and that is when i had this light-bulb go off in my subconscious... as much as insulin saved my life 15 years ago, i wouldn't be alive if it weren't for a different day... more momentous than any other... june 18 one nine nine five... Jesus saved me that day. it may not be the longest, but it is by far the most important... can you say the same thing?
10.17.2008
a heart that aims to please
i came here to reflect today...
God knew where i was going after "laying in bed" prayers for the morning, a chick-fil-a biscuit from my dad, and a home-brewed cup of tea... He knew i was headed here to do something more than i usually do... i was coming to identify with my sunny self, my authentic self, the self that seems absent early this morning...
and you know what i found *with huge help from one of my dearest and wisest friends* my self-stated purpose... a bigger than this moment purpose... "a heart that aims to please the One to whom it belongs."
on the happiest of days, the toughest of days, the safe-earth shattering days, the days i realize i am not as strong as i thought i was, the days i don't feel prepared to face, the days i was created to live out exactly as i have, today, the days to come... "i exist to bring glory to my Savior"
MY Savior who always holds me, always protects me, and always finds a way to guide me to a sunny place... i love that, ps.
i am not here to get it all right. i am not here to prove that i can do it. i am not here to be above the struggles i am supposed to face. i am here to please my God and bring glory to my Savior... the simple, wonderful, and mighty reason to live... the best reason to live... my reason to live my life to the best of my ability...
God knew where i was going after "laying in bed" prayers for the morning, a chick-fil-a biscuit from my dad, and a home-brewed cup of tea... He knew i was headed here to do something more than i usually do... i was coming to identify with my sunny self, my authentic self, the self that seems absent early this morning...
and you know what i found *with huge help from one of my dearest and wisest friends* my self-stated purpose... a bigger than this moment purpose... "a heart that aims to please the One to whom it belongs."
on the happiest of days, the toughest of days, the safe-earth shattering days, the days i realize i am not as strong as i thought i was, the days i don't feel prepared to face, the days i was created to live out exactly as i have, today, the days to come... "i exist to bring glory to my Savior"
MY Savior who always holds me, always protects me, and always finds a way to guide me to a sunny place... i love that, ps.
i am not here to get it all right. i am not here to prove that i can do it. i am not here to be above the struggles i am supposed to face. i am here to please my God and bring glory to my Savior... the simple, wonderful, and mighty reason to live... the best reason to live... my reason to live my life to the best of my ability...
9.27.2008
9.07.2008
if you had to choose between fire or water?
some of you may have been pulling for wind, power, or heart (captain planet) but the choices are water or fire... if we are talking meat, i am going with the fire of a grill. if we are talking swimming, i am opting to take a dive into the water... neither are the cause for the question today. so, which would you choose?
the other day i heard something that was mind-boggling to me... "if you find yourself sitting on the couch crying for no reason in the coming months, don't worry- it is completely normal."
uhm, number one: i grew up in a "crying never fixes anything" environment. *pretty sure i mentioned that before, but...* number two: the day i heard this, i was more worried about the up-coming tests concerning the material i was supposed to have learned over the summer. nobody was worried about the 'other' tests. number three: did i mention that crying doesn't fix anything in my mind? and when i do cry i really have to stop and assess if it is even worth it...
that was almost a month ago, so i figure i am getting close to the major couch breakdown. i find myself standing at the base of a swelling wave that has to fall on me with its crushing weight in the coming days... it is just that real...
also as real is the feeling of my feet trapped in really wet sand... like cement sand... and i think i am supposed to be swallowed by this massive mountain of water because my feet really cannot move... at all... i am pretty much stuck with this overwhelming feeling... trapped by my own volition... looking for some hot sauce so i can chew my own feet off and hobble away *movie reference there- mucho cool points if you get it :)*
and it isn't because i doubt God's ability to rescue my cemented ankles and shadow feet... and it isn't because i am doubting God's will for me to be where i am right now...
how do things build up so quickly?
i was also told in the days leading up to the start of pa school to *serious word for word here* "hold my nose and breathe in the fire spout." now, i don't really think i need to go through the numbers here on the wrongness of that quote *good word there, wrongness* but you DO NOT breathe in FIRE!!! it scalds your innards...
and yet here i am... suffering from my first *of many* episode of burnt lung... and that is where the tears come in... even though they are salty, they are wet *and loaded with antibodies* and to my dehydrated and burnt membranes, these tears provide relief... for once, crying is doing some good... the fire, however, is definitely leaving its mark on my memory though :)
*disclaimer... the above mentioned statements are more metaphorical illustrations of my emotions at this point and do not adequately, nor rationally, describe my present physical state*
BUT, in other happy news, chris tomlin has a new cd out that is pretty amazing... i would strongly suggest making that purchase ($9 on itunes right now, cheaper than the stores)
"blessing and honor, glory and power unto our Lord"
the other day i heard something that was mind-boggling to me... "if you find yourself sitting on the couch crying for no reason in the coming months, don't worry- it is completely normal."
uhm, number one: i grew up in a "crying never fixes anything" environment. *pretty sure i mentioned that before, but...* number two: the day i heard this, i was more worried about the up-coming tests concerning the material i was supposed to have learned over the summer. nobody was worried about the 'other' tests. number three: did i mention that crying doesn't fix anything in my mind? and when i do cry i really have to stop and assess if it is even worth it...
that was almost a month ago, so i figure i am getting close to the major couch breakdown. i find myself standing at the base of a swelling wave that has to fall on me with its crushing weight in the coming days... it is just that real...
also as real is the feeling of my feet trapped in really wet sand... like cement sand... and i think i am supposed to be swallowed by this massive mountain of water because my feet really cannot move... at all... i am pretty much stuck with this overwhelming feeling... trapped by my own volition... looking for some hot sauce so i can chew my own feet off and hobble away *movie reference there- mucho cool points if you get it :)*
and it isn't because i doubt God's ability to rescue my cemented ankles and shadow feet... and it isn't because i am doubting God's will for me to be where i am right now...
how do things build up so quickly?
i was also told in the days leading up to the start of pa school to *serious word for word here* "hold my nose and breathe in the fire spout." now, i don't really think i need to go through the numbers here on the wrongness of that quote *good word there, wrongness* but you DO NOT breathe in FIRE!!! it scalds your innards...
and yet here i am... suffering from my first *of many* episode of burnt lung... and that is where the tears come in... even though they are salty, they are wet *and loaded with antibodies* and to my dehydrated and burnt membranes, these tears provide relief... for once, crying is doing some good... the fire, however, is definitely leaving its mark on my memory though :)
*disclaimer... the above mentioned statements are more metaphorical illustrations of my emotions at this point and do not adequately, nor rationally, describe my present physical state*
BUT, in other happy news, chris tomlin has a new cd out that is pretty amazing... i would strongly suggest making that purchase ($9 on itunes right now, cheaper than the stores)
"blessing and honor, glory and power unto our Lord"
8.06.2008
questions... without the answers pt. 2
i realized today that i have again fallen off the wagon of updating my blog on a regular basis... i do apologize...
my Friend *capitalized because she really deserves that capital letter* told me my previously posted questions were too confusing and deep... she said that she wanted to leave a comment but couldn't... and i wanted to know why... she asked me if i read my blog after i posted :) so i came back to do so...
and came to the conclusion that questions like this are simply matter of opinion and backed by matters of the heart rather than concrete evidence in your support. so don't be shy... answer what you want to answer...
but here are some more questions...
1. do you think everyone sees colors the same way? is my pink the same as your pink? it would make sense that they would have some degree of variation because we are all slightly different... like with our other senses. but *scenario time* what if you, while learning your colors in pre-school, correctly matched the colors and names BUT you identified what we call yellow as more of a red color? you have learned the name yellow goes with that shade, but if someone else were to use your eyes they would see red? what about that? do you think that could be the case, ever? i need to find someone who has had an eye replacement and ask them... (incidentally, did you know that everything you see is actually the inverted and upside down? did you also know that we piece together images similar to frames of an animated film? we don't have a constant visual input. that is why television works... rapid flashes of pictures create the moving image... we don't know the difference... pretty amazing, huh?)
2. what determines the location of a freckle? freckles are melanin rich cell clusters... but what determines where a freckle will "pop up?" is there a method to the madness in this case or is it completely random? what makes one cluster of skin cells more melanin rich than a cluster two inches over?
3. can you imagine the sun not coming up in the morning... not like a rainy day missing sun, but an actual day without a sunrise? what if the sun came up from the opposite direction? what would that look like?
4. the Hand that holds the world manages to hold mine too... do you think He has sweaty palms? do i have sweaty palms?
5. how is it that a family, spread out by distance and years, can experience the same feelings in the same day without any communication between its members? has that ever happened to you? it happened to my family today...
6. how did mary poppins float in when the winds changed? that is so not possible, but it is an imaginative idea... when the winds of change blow in our lives, does "mary poppins" blow in?
my Friend *capitalized because she really deserves that capital letter* told me my previously posted questions were too confusing and deep... she said that she wanted to leave a comment but couldn't... and i wanted to know why... she asked me if i read my blog after i posted :) so i came back to do so...
and came to the conclusion that questions like this are simply matter of opinion and backed by matters of the heart rather than concrete evidence in your support. so don't be shy... answer what you want to answer...
but here are some more questions...
1. do you think everyone sees colors the same way? is my pink the same as your pink? it would make sense that they would have some degree of variation because we are all slightly different... like with our other senses. but *scenario time* what if you, while learning your colors in pre-school, correctly matched the colors and names BUT you identified what we call yellow as more of a red color? you have learned the name yellow goes with that shade, but if someone else were to use your eyes they would see red? what about that? do you think that could be the case, ever? i need to find someone who has had an eye replacement and ask them... (incidentally, did you know that everything you see is actually the inverted and upside down? did you also know that we piece together images similar to frames of an animated film? we don't have a constant visual input. that is why television works... rapid flashes of pictures create the moving image... we don't know the difference... pretty amazing, huh?)
2. what determines the location of a freckle? freckles are melanin rich cell clusters... but what determines where a freckle will "pop up?" is there a method to the madness in this case or is it completely random? what makes one cluster of skin cells more melanin rich than a cluster two inches over?
3. can you imagine the sun not coming up in the morning... not like a rainy day missing sun, but an actual day without a sunrise? what if the sun came up from the opposite direction? what would that look like?
4. the Hand that holds the world manages to hold mine too... do you think He has sweaty palms? do i have sweaty palms?
5. how is it that a family, spread out by distance and years, can experience the same feelings in the same day without any communication between its members? has that ever happened to you? it happened to my family today...
6. how did mary poppins float in when the winds changed? that is so not possible, but it is an imaginative idea... when the winds of change blow in our lives, does "mary poppins" blow in?
7.23.2008
questions... without the answers
i decided today while reading one of my previous posts that i used to be really smart and present new things for you to learn daily (you being the operative word because who really knows who you are) but anyway, i would like to apologize for my recent lack of sharing fun little tidbits of knowledge...
so i will fix that...
tomorrow :)
today, i want to pose some questions... because they are on my mind... and i need to write them down before i forget them. so *lucky duck... or not* you get to be inside my head for about five minutes~
1. when we relate our spiritual lives to our physical ones... being born, crawling, walking, etc... really growing up, do we include things like losing teeth and growing pains and growing up? because, it seems to me, that those things would have to be included in the true growing up of a spiritual baby being born and weaning and learning to walk and making friends and losing baby teeth and being awkwardly proportioned throughout spiritual puberty and growing into his true self in Christ. and if that is the case, what are our baby teeth? how awkwardly beautiful are we in the eyes of God while we are spiritual adolescents? there are a lot of other questions there, but i will ask a new questions... all thoughts are appreciated.
2. when big thunderstorms roll in, we usually think of the wind blowing them in. have you ever noticed the winds that seem to be pulled into the storms? they are the really bad storms. they make stronger winds and even tornadoes... *thought jump, sorry* have you seen the movie nell? there is a point in that movie where nell pretends to be a tree in the wind... tay in da win... *thought jump back* if we live life to avoid storms and allow ourselves to be blown by the wind to outrun the storm, where will we end up? we can't really afford to turn and face every storm like haphazard lifeforms... we will certainly face destruction. but if we plant ourselves with deep roots to withstand any storm, we will never ever move... staying in the same spot forever... where is the happy medium?
3. the message that pops up before all movies... please turn off your cell phones... why do people ignore that? do they honestly think that vibrations are silent and lights do not disrupt the movie as much as a phone ring?
4. is there any significance to favorite numbers? can a favorite number say something about a person? God has symbolic numbers... are they His favorites? do 3, 7, 12, 40, etc. have something to say about God? :)
5. this is a friend's favorite number and seems like the appropriate spot to stop today. if a person has to have a wrist bone removed to alleviate debilitating arthritis, the doctor will replace the bone with a wadded up tendon from the forearm? how in the world does he decide which tendon to take? are they not all necessary? if we don't need them all, why do we still have the vestigial tendon?
i have to go... we will continue this later~
so i will fix that...
tomorrow :)
today, i want to pose some questions... because they are on my mind... and i need to write them down before i forget them. so *lucky duck... or not* you get to be inside my head for about five minutes~
1. when we relate our spiritual lives to our physical ones... being born, crawling, walking, etc... really growing up, do we include things like losing teeth and growing pains and growing up? because, it seems to me, that those things would have to be included in the true growing up of a spiritual baby being born and weaning and learning to walk and making friends and losing baby teeth and being awkwardly proportioned throughout spiritual puberty and growing into his true self in Christ. and if that is the case, what are our baby teeth? how awkwardly beautiful are we in the eyes of God while we are spiritual adolescents? there are a lot of other questions there, but i will ask a new questions... all thoughts are appreciated.
2. when big thunderstorms roll in, we usually think of the wind blowing them in. have you ever noticed the winds that seem to be pulled into the storms? they are the really bad storms. they make stronger winds and even tornadoes... *thought jump, sorry* have you seen the movie nell? there is a point in that movie where nell pretends to be a tree in the wind... tay in da win... *thought jump back* if we live life to avoid storms and allow ourselves to be blown by the wind to outrun the storm, where will we end up? we can't really afford to turn and face every storm like haphazard lifeforms... we will certainly face destruction. but if we plant ourselves with deep roots to withstand any storm, we will never ever move... staying in the same spot forever... where is the happy medium?
3. the message that pops up before all movies... please turn off your cell phones... why do people ignore that? do they honestly think that vibrations are silent and lights do not disrupt the movie as much as a phone ring?
4. is there any significance to favorite numbers? can a favorite number say something about a person? God has symbolic numbers... are they His favorites? do 3, 7, 12, 40, etc. have something to say about God? :)
5. this is a friend's favorite number and seems like the appropriate spot to stop today. if a person has to have a wrist bone removed to alleviate debilitating arthritis, the doctor will replace the bone with a wadded up tendon from the forearm? how in the world does he decide which tendon to take? are they not all necessary? if we don't need them all, why do we still have the vestigial tendon?
i have to go... we will continue this later~
7.19.2008
drip drip drop hear the rain drops falling
first off... if you can quote the title to the appropriate movie, then you get major kudos :)
i did something i never do today. i sat on the porch and watched it rain. it was cleansing and refreshing and everything you expect a rain shower to be without actually realizing it is. how many times do you enjoy the rain? i mean, if you are at the beach or looking for a reason to have a lazy afternoon nap or experiencing a severe drought, sure the rain is a good thing... but if you are on your way home from a long week's worth of work or carrying in a trunk full of groceries or needing to take the kids to the pool, rain really isn't enjoyable.
i was sitting with an old friend during this shower (a friend who has shared a lifetime of memories with me and has learned to read me like only my mother can... but she is not "old" haha) and we were talking about everything and nothing at the same time... are those not the best conversations ever?!? the comment was made "the rain showers of our lives can be refreshing, too." now, i know i just made mention of the inconveniences of the weathering rain... the precipitation in liquid form that slickens the pavement and saturates the dirt... semi-colon however comma do you see the rainy days of your emotional/mental/spiritual life as inconvenient? do you get out your umbrella and run for shelter with the wicked witch's mindset of melting?
when i was 10, i went to a week long, over-night, diabetes camp. wednesday mid-day *if my memory serves correctly :)* the heavens dumped water on that camp like i had never ever ever seen... huge puddles and mudslides... it was awesomely destructive! the campers and counselors ran for their cabins... and stayed there... for 15 minutes... what fun is it to stay inside all afternoon? none, i will answer that for you-- it is no fun!!! we shed our shoes and ran around with mud between our toes... we made our own slip-n-slides out of earth... we completely ruined our clothes... and had a blast.
it probably wasn't all that fun (we have a tendency to embellish our memories to make them reflect the attitude we want to have when we look back... crazy) but i have fond memories of that day in the rain. actually, a lot of my best memories come from rainy days... camp, ballgames, running around my backyard in my underwear *small child, small neighborhood, no harm done* rain isn't a bad thing when you are little...
you know when it gets to be a bad thing... when it turns from a reliever into a depressor? do you know? when adults ruin it... hahah :) when they tell you you can't play in the rain without getting a cold... when they say you can't swim in the rain *not lightning* when they make you get out your umbrella to walk into walmart... when they run to escape... when rain becomes a punishment......... and then we start to avoid the rain. we worry about our clothes being discolored or our hair being disheveled or something else completely superficial. it becomes the gray days that sadden so many. it creates headaches. it depresses moods across the world.
but rain is a good thing. it is meant to be enjoyed, i think. beyond the environmental reasons for rain completing its cycle in falling to the earth, there is a larger life lesson hidden in the drops of water that polka dot the sidewalks. rain. when has your life been rainy?
it is not human nature to smile when recalling the rainy seasons of our lives. there is no way to fake a joyful heart when giant "rain" drops have doused the small flame on your hope candle. i understand and empathize with those emotions because i have been there. on the other hand, there is today's little life lesson...
life flourishes in the rain. rain enables life to prosper. rain allows the dirt to rinse away. rain- a natural refresher and cleanser. there is this song (don't worry, i'm not going to link it or tell you how it relates to my walk with God) "i'm gon dance in the rain" and then there is the "singin in the rain" saga and there is the "healing rain" song and there are even more positive rain illustrations...
i would imagine the most well known rain song is one we all grow up singing "rain, rain go away." when is the rain supposed to come back? *if you don't say "come again another day" you may need to revisit pre-school* when is "another day" convenient for rain? do we have to be completely dried up before we notice our lack of fresh water? do we need inches of muck and grime clogging our pores before we attempt a bath? (these are our spiritual states here, not the physical... ps) but honestly, if we try to avoid the rain, i don't think we will ever be "clean."
so the next time the rain clouds move in your way, put away your galoshes and yellow rain coat and go dance in the rain. learn from the rain drops... let them wash you off... appreciate the cleansing. dance in the real rain, too :)
i did something i never do today. i sat on the porch and watched it rain. it was cleansing and refreshing and everything you expect a rain shower to be without actually realizing it is. how many times do you enjoy the rain? i mean, if you are at the beach or looking for a reason to have a lazy afternoon nap or experiencing a severe drought, sure the rain is a good thing... but if you are on your way home from a long week's worth of work or carrying in a trunk full of groceries or needing to take the kids to the pool, rain really isn't enjoyable.
i was sitting with an old friend during this shower (a friend who has shared a lifetime of memories with me and has learned to read me like only my mother can... but she is not "old" haha) and we were talking about everything and nothing at the same time... are those not the best conversations ever?!? the comment was made "the rain showers of our lives can be refreshing, too." now, i know i just made mention of the inconveniences of the weathering rain... the precipitation in liquid form that slickens the pavement and saturates the dirt... semi-colon however comma do you see the rainy days of your emotional/mental/spiritual life as inconvenient? do you get out your umbrella and run for shelter with the wicked witch's mindset of melting?
when i was 10, i went to a week long, over-night, diabetes camp. wednesday mid-day *if my memory serves correctly :)* the heavens dumped water on that camp like i had never ever ever seen... huge puddles and mudslides... it was awesomely destructive! the campers and counselors ran for their cabins... and stayed there... for 15 minutes... what fun is it to stay inside all afternoon? none, i will answer that for you-- it is no fun!!! we shed our shoes and ran around with mud between our toes... we made our own slip-n-slides out of earth... we completely ruined our clothes... and had a blast.
it probably wasn't all that fun (we have a tendency to embellish our memories to make them reflect the attitude we want to have when we look back... crazy) but i have fond memories of that day in the rain. actually, a lot of my best memories come from rainy days... camp, ballgames, running around my backyard in my underwear *small child, small neighborhood, no harm done* rain isn't a bad thing when you are little...
you know when it gets to be a bad thing... when it turns from a reliever into a depressor? do you know? when adults ruin it... hahah :) when they tell you you can't play in the rain without getting a cold... when they say you can't swim in the rain *not lightning* when they make you get out your umbrella to walk into walmart... when they run to escape... when rain becomes a punishment......... and then we start to avoid the rain. we worry about our clothes being discolored or our hair being disheveled or something else completely superficial. it becomes the gray days that sadden so many. it creates headaches. it depresses moods across the world.
but rain is a good thing. it is meant to be enjoyed, i think. beyond the environmental reasons for rain completing its cycle in falling to the earth, there is a larger life lesson hidden in the drops of water that polka dot the sidewalks. rain. when has your life been rainy?
it is not human nature to smile when recalling the rainy seasons of our lives. there is no way to fake a joyful heart when giant "rain" drops have doused the small flame on your hope candle. i understand and empathize with those emotions because i have been there. on the other hand, there is today's little life lesson...
life flourishes in the rain. rain enables life to prosper. rain allows the dirt to rinse away. rain- a natural refresher and cleanser. there is this song (don't worry, i'm not going to link it or tell you how it relates to my walk with God) "i'm gon dance in the rain" and then there is the "singin in the rain" saga and there is the "healing rain" song and there are even more positive rain illustrations...
i would imagine the most well known rain song is one we all grow up singing "rain, rain go away." when is the rain supposed to come back? *if you don't say "come again another day" you may need to revisit pre-school* when is "another day" convenient for rain? do we have to be completely dried up before we notice our lack of fresh water? do we need inches of muck and grime clogging our pores before we attempt a bath? (these are our spiritual states here, not the physical... ps) but honestly, if we try to avoid the rain, i don't think we will ever be "clean."
so the next time the rain clouds move in your way, put away your galoshes and yellow rain coat and go dance in the rain. learn from the rain drops... let them wash you off... appreciate the cleansing. dance in the real rain, too :)
7.17.2008
the for real last?
alright... i do believe i am going to be able to get back on track and begin updating more frequently. here's hoping it happens *fingers majorly crossed* but now, what to talk about?!?
while we were on vacation, i noticed a book on one of my grandmother's many bookshelves... a day later, i noticed it again on a coffee table *meaning someone had picked it up to read* and i don't think i would have noticed the sudden jump of a single book if it were not for the title of the book... "the last Christian generation" by josh mcdowell.
i was strongly opposed to the title, and thus, avoided the book. i didn't want to read it or acknowledge that it may have legitimate truth bluntly presented within its pages...
but that didn't mean that we couldn't discuss it among family... this is the beauty of my family- we can act like complete idiots and two seconds later carry on a conversation that is heavier than everything we own. i joined my grandmother, aunts and mother on the porch for breakfast one morning. the book was now outside and had caught every one's attention...
*background* i feel the need to be x-tremely honest with you today :) ^x-treme is more serious than extreme... ps^ there was a time about three years ago that i no longer believed in the label "Christian" because i did not want to be considered part of my body of peers that identified themselves as such- the pretenders, the fakers, the ruiners of all that they claimed to represent. i was going to a "Christian" university with "Christian" friends and my eyes were opened to the world's idea of "Christian." it was a hard time for me... here i was, once so proud to wear the name of Christian... now, i didn't want to be under that label. and it stayed that way for a long time... you know the famous ghandi quote, "i like your Christ, i don't like your Christians," well, that was me to a tee!
aligning myself with shadows pretending to be lights vs. shining without the unified body... quite a dilemma...
through careful reading and desperate searching, a message from my home church, and a chapel speaker *oddness in itself :)* i arrived at a point where it was no longer a choice to wear the label. if i couldn't wear the name "Christian" what hope was there? if i couldn't align myself with the shadows in the light, what good was i? how was i benefiting the kingdom?
i took back the title of "Christian" with the mindset that the label no longer had boundaries and limits that i had grown up believing existed. "Christian" could be how i lived daily regardless of my peer's actions and attitudes. like a blinking bulb on my forehead, my primary identity is "Christian" with the true definition of "Christ-like" as my goal... not the definition of the 21st century world.
*present* which is kinda where josh is coming from. the beliefs of today's youth concerning Christ are vastly different than previous generations... and i agree with that, but i have a serious problem with generalizations and stereotypes (especially when they include me!) staggering statistics, like 50% of churched-youth do not believe that Jesus is the only way to get to heaven, prove shell-shockers... but what kind of church are we talking about? what kind of leadership is responsible for their confusion? but this post isn't about the book, it is about the topic...
what did the people four generations ago think of the "love" generation? was the point made that america had entered a post-Christian era? what about the generations that fought music involvement in worship services? what about the present generations refusal to accept newer praise and worship? when does "Christian" become limited in action or practice? when the Bible is being taught and hearts are being changed, when is that wrong?
not that i don't have reservations about the mass church movements... the huge churches that draw massive numbers on sundays at multiple sites and preach the hard-core gospel but fail to follow up throughout the week... and invest in the lives of the young children and teach them to be solid believers... that is only extending permission to be like the rest of the world... allowing people to wear the name without understanding the true nature and cost of their potential freedom...
and i may be spinning you around in circles, but this is my real point-slash-question-slash-thought... if the ball has truly been dropped (for which there is a strong argument) how is it picked back up? the responsibility has passed from the hands who dropped it and fallen into the hands of a weaker Christian generation. how are we supposed to hold it up... fewer Christians, more people than ever... how? as a member of the generation after "the last generation," i beg you to invest in us. i don't think my generation understands the deep need for positive influences... teachers... leaders... friends... all of whom are firm believers in Jesus Christ.
thank you to my "more mature" influences, teachers, mentors, and *most importantly* friends for your investment into my life... for setting the example of a truly selfless life... for constantly giving even when you couldn't see the return... for helping me understand that my purpose in life exceeds my own dreams. it is my sincere hope and prayer that your example to my generation will refute the claims that you are the last Christian generation.
while we were on vacation, i noticed a book on one of my grandmother's many bookshelves... a day later, i noticed it again on a coffee table *meaning someone had picked it up to read* and i don't think i would have noticed the sudden jump of a single book if it were not for the title of the book... "the last Christian generation" by josh mcdowell.
i was strongly opposed to the title, and thus, avoided the book. i didn't want to read it or acknowledge that it may have legitimate truth bluntly presented within its pages...
but that didn't mean that we couldn't discuss it among family... this is the beauty of my family- we can act like complete idiots and two seconds later carry on a conversation that is heavier than everything we own. i joined my grandmother, aunts and mother on the porch for breakfast one morning. the book was now outside and had caught every one's attention...
*background* i feel the need to be x-tremely honest with you today :) ^x-treme is more serious than extreme... ps^ there was a time about three years ago that i no longer believed in the label "Christian" because i did not want to be considered part of my body of peers that identified themselves as such- the pretenders, the fakers, the ruiners of all that they claimed to represent. i was going to a "Christian" university with "Christian" friends and my eyes were opened to the world's idea of "Christian." it was a hard time for me... here i was, once so proud to wear the name of Christian... now, i didn't want to be under that label. and it stayed that way for a long time... you know the famous ghandi quote, "i like your Christ, i don't like your Christians," well, that was me to a tee!
aligning myself with shadows pretending to be lights vs. shining without the unified body... quite a dilemma...
through careful reading and desperate searching, a message from my home church, and a chapel speaker *oddness in itself :)* i arrived at a point where it was no longer a choice to wear the label. if i couldn't wear the name "Christian" what hope was there? if i couldn't align myself with the shadows in the light, what good was i? how was i benefiting the kingdom?
i took back the title of "Christian" with the mindset that the label no longer had boundaries and limits that i had grown up believing existed. "Christian" could be how i lived daily regardless of my peer's actions and attitudes. like a blinking bulb on my forehead, my primary identity is "Christian" with the true definition of "Christ-like" as my goal... not the definition of the 21st century world.
*present* which is kinda where josh is coming from. the beliefs of today's youth concerning Christ are vastly different than previous generations... and i agree with that, but i have a serious problem with generalizations and stereotypes (especially when they include me!) staggering statistics, like 50% of churched-youth do not believe that Jesus is the only way to get to heaven, prove shell-shockers... but what kind of church are we talking about? what kind of leadership is responsible for their confusion? but this post isn't about the book, it is about the topic...
what did the people four generations ago think of the "love" generation? was the point made that america had entered a post-Christian era? what about the generations that fought music involvement in worship services? what about the present generations refusal to accept newer praise and worship? when does "Christian" become limited in action or practice? when the Bible is being taught and hearts are being changed, when is that wrong?
not that i don't have reservations about the mass church movements... the huge churches that draw massive numbers on sundays at multiple sites and preach the hard-core gospel but fail to follow up throughout the week... and invest in the lives of the young children and teach them to be solid believers... that is only extending permission to be like the rest of the world... allowing people to wear the name without understanding the true nature and cost of their potential freedom...
and i may be spinning you around in circles, but this is my real point-slash-question-slash-thought... if the ball has truly been dropped (for which there is a strong argument) how is it picked back up? the responsibility has passed from the hands who dropped it and fallen into the hands of a weaker Christian generation. how are we supposed to hold it up... fewer Christians, more people than ever... how? as a member of the generation after "the last generation," i beg you to invest in us. i don't think my generation understands the deep need for positive influences... teachers... leaders... friends... all of whom are firm believers in Jesus Christ.
thank you to my "more mature" influences, teachers, mentors, and *most importantly* friends for your investment into my life... for setting the example of a truly selfless life... for constantly giving even when you couldn't see the return... for helping me understand that my purpose in life exceeds my own dreams. it is my sincere hope and prayer that your example to my generation will refute the claims that you are the last Christian generation.
7.08.2008
silver queen or candy?
my family and i froze corn yesterday like our lives depended on it. we put up 40 packs in a little over two hours... the power of twelve hands, yeah baby :) we freeze corn old school style. my grandparents and uncle have a huge farm where they grow all kinds of "real" foods *g-ma swears the stuff in the store isn't real :) and in her defense, there is something special in the food when you know you pulled it... and can still taste the dirt! i am still trying to figure out if that taste comes from the food in question or the smell of my clean, yet dirty, hands :)* we pull and freeze our own corn every year. it is almost ritualistic. we all have our assigned duties and tasks... it is a beautiful process.
maybe i think it is beautiful because i am not "allowed" to go into the corn fields to pull- i am allergic to it... just the silks, not the kernels. *found out at a young age (benadryl, oatmeal bath, and inside the rest of the day) which is good times when you're six... wink, wink* but anyway, mom and g-ma are the pullers... mom is the hacker... the sisters are the silkers... dad is the blancher and keeper of the cooler... and i *stepping into the spotlight* i am the cutter. i won't say that my job is more important than the rest of the team, but...
while we were doing all of that, an older lady came to fish in the catfish pond behind my g-ma's house. she and her son had braved the morning traffic of the city to escape to what was once the country. g-ma and the lady talked like they had known each other forever (g-ma confessed later she couldn't decide if her name was mary or louise, but his name was percy... unless it was quincy) "this is my daughter and her family- they're from out towards charlotte"... "oh, i had been sitting in the nursing home with a lady whose son stays out that way. y'all know him?"... as she proceeded to tell us about him we smiled and said no... she kept talking about her family, and so did g-ma... the lady finally said she had to go see about some fish... and we wished her the best of luck and turned our heads back to the matter at hand... and i smiled
but it made me sad... i wonder if my children *largely hypothetical at this point* will ever experience that. two almost strangers carrying on a genuine conversation because they share so much culturally... freezing corn grown by family on family land... fishing in a pond that has been in the family for generations beyond my great-grandparents. will my *still hypothetical* children have to drive and pay to fish like this lady and her son?
and deep in my heart i know the answers to all of these questions. the new highway is getting ready to come through the land... subdivisions will be claiming the pastures and fields my maternal family once worked and loved. the backdrop of the majority of my childhood memories will be dramatically altered to make life easier for those who work in a very different way for their food...
there is something important that is disappearing... and it isn't just the corn.
maybe i think it is beautiful because i am not "allowed" to go into the corn fields to pull- i am allergic to it... just the silks, not the kernels. *found out at a young age (benadryl, oatmeal bath, and inside the rest of the day) which is good times when you're six... wink, wink* but anyway, mom and g-ma are the pullers... mom is the hacker... the sisters are the silkers... dad is the blancher and keeper of the cooler... and i *stepping into the spotlight* i am the cutter. i won't say that my job is more important than the rest of the team, but...
while we were doing all of that, an older lady came to fish in the catfish pond behind my g-ma's house. she and her son had braved the morning traffic of the city to escape to what was once the country. g-ma and the lady talked like they had known each other forever (g-ma confessed later she couldn't decide if her name was mary or louise, but his name was percy... unless it was quincy) "this is my daughter and her family- they're from out towards charlotte"... "oh, i had been sitting in the nursing home with a lady whose son stays out that way. y'all know him?"... as she proceeded to tell us about him we smiled and said no... she kept talking about her family, and so did g-ma... the lady finally said she had to go see about some fish... and we wished her the best of luck and turned our heads back to the matter at hand... and i smiled
but it made me sad... i wonder if my children *largely hypothetical at this point* will ever experience that. two almost strangers carrying on a genuine conversation because they share so much culturally... freezing corn grown by family on family land... fishing in a pond that has been in the family for generations beyond my great-grandparents. will my *still hypothetical* children have to drive and pay to fish like this lady and her son?
and deep in my heart i know the answers to all of these questions. the new highway is getting ready to come through the land... subdivisions will be claiming the pastures and fields my maternal family once worked and loved. the backdrop of the majority of my childhood memories will be dramatically altered to make life easier for those who work in a very different way for their food...
there is something important that is disappearing... and it isn't just the corn.
6.16.2008
track eighteen: the hallelujah chorus!!!
over a month after starting this little project, i can see the finish line... 17 songs behind us, only one remaining... but for a quick little recap;
- canon in d (my caller id/ringtone on my friend's phone... love her)
- the rainbow connection
- my tribute
- 2 legit 2 quit
- bottom of the barrel
- the star spangled banner
- loving God, loving each other/i'm satisfied/Alpha and Omega
- work that
- shine on us
- i hope you dance
- You are everything
- moonlight sonata
- i don't regret
- wherever we go
- my hallelujah song
- carolina in my mind
- orphans of God
- and............. the final track is the hallelujah chorus! :)
i love this song! haha :)) it never fails to put a smile on my face! regardless of the season, this song always reminds me of Christmas... an uncle in the singing Christmas tree, friends in college choral performances, roommates in the itty-bitty living space that is a college dorm "electric-sliding" to soulful celebration's rendition of the song... that's right, i said it... doing the electric-slide to the hallelujah chorus *and i don't even feel bad about it :)*
why are we moved to our feet when this song plays? it is more than traditional propriety... why has this song has remained a mainstay following handel's masterful creation? other impressive musical numbers have fallen by the wayside... why do i have to smile when the first notes reach my ears? obviously this answer is more personal than the others, but i believe you can all relate...
...because our God reigns! the King of Kings and Lord of Lords will reign forever! and i know we will be singing "holy, holy, holy Lord God Almighty" when we get to heaven, but i want to sing the hallelujah chorus just one time- with all of eternity left to praise Him, i hope we get to sing it once!
"and He shall reign forever and ever!"
and that my friends is the conclusion of my soundtrack... this song, with the others, is all i want my life to show. i am not important- i have likes and preferences and opinions, but they don't compete with the real meaning of my life... i live to bring glory to God- the God who created everything there is; the God who maintains it all; the God who rules it all... the God of the universe is the God of my life.
6.14.2008
track seventeen: orphans of God
i know it has been a long time since i last updated my little corner of the world, but life has been crazy busy... for those of you who don't know, crazy busy is like jumping out of two classes a day college life into twelve hour days on my feet all day long. it is a big jump..... one of the best jumps i have ever made :)
that being said, avalon's orphans of God is long lost number seventeen. i first heard this song about three years ago. i was driving the roads of my old stomping grounds on my way to see a friend who was hurting. i won't go into the details of the circumstances within the memory just the significance this song still has to me every time i hear it.
to save time and still manage to post before the end of june :) here are the lyrics... listen to the truth of this song and sing along~
"who here among us has not been broken, who here among us is without guilt or pain, so oft' abandoned by our transgressions, if such a thing as grace exists, then grace was made for lives like this... there are no strangers, there are no outcasts, there are no orphans of God, so many fallen but hallelujah, there are no orphans of God"
there are no strangers. there are no outcasts. there are no orphans of God... do you believe that? so many fallen, but hallelujah, there are no orphans of God! no matter what you do or where you've been, you cannot escape God's love... more than that, this truth applies to everyone. everyone we inadvertently or purposefully pass judgement on is a child of God. He loves them just as much as He loves you... this song brings that home to me.
"come ye unwanted and find affection, come all ye weary come and lay down your heads, come ye unworthy you are my brother, if such a thing as grace exists then grace was made for lives like this..."
i can't claim to be better than the next guy on the street, because without the love of God i would be in the exact same predicament... do you get it? i don't want to be the person who lives the snooty nosed lifestyle holding my head up in air like i live above everyone- stepping on everyone with my stiletto heels leaving a lingering hint of whatever overly priced perfume i happen to be wearing in my trail... i want to be the one with dirty handprints all over my outfit as i go into work, the one who isn't afraid to get dirty before i go in somewhere important.
i hope that you can carry the message of this song with you as you go on your way today. look your fellow human in the eyes today with the love of God.
that being said, avalon's orphans of God is long lost number seventeen. i first heard this song about three years ago. i was driving the roads of my old stomping grounds on my way to see a friend who was hurting. i won't go into the details of the circumstances within the memory just the significance this song still has to me every time i hear it.
to save time and still manage to post before the end of june :) here are the lyrics... listen to the truth of this song and sing along~
"who here among us has not been broken, who here among us is without guilt or pain, so oft' abandoned by our transgressions, if such a thing as grace exists, then grace was made for lives like this... there are no strangers, there are no outcasts, there are no orphans of God, so many fallen but hallelujah, there are no orphans of God"
there are no strangers. there are no outcasts. there are no orphans of God... do you believe that? so many fallen, but hallelujah, there are no orphans of God! no matter what you do or where you've been, you cannot escape God's love... more than that, this truth applies to everyone. everyone we inadvertently or purposefully pass judgement on is a child of God. He loves them just as much as He loves you... this song brings that home to me.
"come ye unwanted and find affection, come all ye weary come and lay down your heads, come ye unworthy you are my brother, if such a thing as grace exists then grace was made for lives like this..."
i can't claim to be better than the next guy on the street, because without the love of God i would be in the exact same predicament... do you get it? i don't want to be the person who lives the snooty nosed lifestyle holding my head up in air like i live above everyone- stepping on everyone with my stiletto heels leaving a lingering hint of whatever overly priced perfume i happen to be wearing in my trail... i want to be the one with dirty handprints all over my outfit as i go into work, the one who isn't afraid to get dirty before i go in somewhere important.
i hope that you can carry the message of this song with you as you go on your way today. look your fellow human in the eyes today with the love of God.
5.11.2008
track sixteen: carolina in my mind
how could this not end up on my soundtrack?!?! hahah... carolina born and bred, james taylor's carolina in my mind sung here by the marvelous alison krauss is numero dies y ses.
just like my sense of pride in my nation, i am proud to wear carolinian on my name badge! i haven't travelled across the globe, but i have hit my fair share of borders and other significant imaginary lines... with every trip, borders and lines do not in any way compare to those of my home state. "welcome to north carolina" translates "welcome home" for me. everyone i love has a tie to this marvelous tarheel state!
beach, mountains, culturally rich metropolises, small town gems, wide variety of plant and animal life, fine colleges, excellent rivalries... there is a close-knit community feel and a genuine hospitality, at least that is what i think.
just like my sense of pride in my nation, i am proud to wear carolinian on my name badge! i haven't travelled across the globe, but i have hit my fair share of borders and other significant imaginary lines... with every trip, borders and lines do not in any way compare to those of my home state. "welcome to north carolina" translates "welcome home" for me. everyone i love has a tie to this marvelous tarheel state!
beach, mountains, culturally rich metropolises, small town gems, wide variety of plant and animal life, fine colleges, excellent rivalries... there is a close-knit community feel and a genuine hospitality, at least that is what i think.
i had days *while apart from my home state* that i longed for carolina cooking or adventure. i have a playlist prepared to comfort me when i am homesick for north carolina. (i am sure this sounds lame; however, we all share some sense of devotion to our homelands... it's true, don't try to deny it) this one always has and always will make me feel like home.
there are a lot of jokes about the south... while they may be funny, and occasionally true ;) i have decided that other regions make jokes because they simply feel inadequate when compared to our overwhelmingly great, uhm, everything! :)
the james taylor lyrics speak their own peace about life as a carolinian... an abundantly blessed and ever grateful carolinain!track fifteen: my hallelujah song
track fifteen is my hallelujah song by julianne hough. some of you may know the artist from dancing with the stars... i ever so clumsily slipped across her work on itunes the other day. i fell in love with this song.
truth to my life--a commonality between all these songs-- but this one seems especially true to me now seeing as how i am coming closer to attaining my dreams... (it is finally sinking in that i am a college graduate and lack only 29 months graduating *for good* and getting a job! ahhhh!! yeah...) i am on the fast track now! chasing and hunting them down *totally a God thing* nevertheless, feeling like i am exactly where i am supposed to be.
have you experienced the peace of being where you are supposed to be?
it is my most humble opinion that you must first experience the sorrow and discomfort of being where you are not supposed to be before you can truly appreciate being where you are supposed to be... awfully wordy, my sincere apologies... but do you follow? you can't know the value of something til you lose it?!? you don't know what you have until its gone?!? the grass may be greener, but you are wearing green tinted glasses?!? you follow? i have known what it means to be in the wrong place... pretty much lost *and i fought to stay lost for a long time* but there is nothing like giving in or trading up to the right place to be... absolutely nothing like the sense of relief that comes with abiding in the bulls eye of your target zone!
you know the word hallelujah is pretty important. we throw it around today like it is an everyday something or nother. "oh, hallelujah! billy joe finally passed third grade after four tries" or "hallelujah child, here's the little ladies room; i have been about to wet myself since biscoe." i think it is cheated out of its place as a true utterance of praise. it has become a cultural expression- like glory and amen... very different expressions than their original culture.
hallelujah- praise ye the Lord... a shout or song of praise used to express joy or thanks. in context of the song:
"finally hittin on what's been missin all along... singing my hallelujah song." singing a heartfelt song of thanks and praise to my Lord, i may have finally figured out what's been wrong all this time. it was hard to find my way, mostly because i was ornery and stubborn... but i was never alone on this journey. now, i am truly thankful *in the most praise worthy way possible* because i have landed safely where i belong... still singing my hallelujah song.
last thing... "divine punch-lines take a little time, but i'm getting it." i am so glad the God we serve has a sense of humor and is willing to share it with His children! you know you have an inside joke with God... you see something or hear a certain phrase- "hey God, that was a good one" and then you give him a high five or a wink or a smile... what a great God... so multi-faceted it is ridiculous and awe-inspiring (oh, ps... ridiculous is a serious prop word now... it's a good thing... haha) pretty great, pretty amazing, pretty wonderful!!!
peace out~
truth to my life--a commonality between all these songs-- but this one seems especially true to me now seeing as how i am coming closer to attaining my dreams... (it is finally sinking in that i am a college graduate and lack only 29 months graduating *for good* and getting a job! ahhhh!! yeah...) i am on the fast track now! chasing and hunting them down *totally a God thing* nevertheless, feeling like i am exactly where i am supposed to be.
have you experienced the peace of being where you are supposed to be?
it is my most humble opinion that you must first experience the sorrow and discomfort of being where you are not supposed to be before you can truly appreciate being where you are supposed to be... awfully wordy, my sincere apologies... but do you follow? you can't know the value of something til you lose it?!? you don't know what you have until its gone?!? the grass may be greener, but you are wearing green tinted glasses?!? you follow? i have known what it means to be in the wrong place... pretty much lost *and i fought to stay lost for a long time* but there is nothing like giving in or trading up to the right place to be... absolutely nothing like the sense of relief that comes with abiding in the bulls eye of your target zone!
you know the word hallelujah is pretty important. we throw it around today like it is an everyday something or nother. "oh, hallelujah! billy joe finally passed third grade after four tries" or "hallelujah child, here's the little ladies room; i have been about to wet myself since biscoe." i think it is cheated out of its place as a true utterance of praise. it has become a cultural expression- like glory and amen... very different expressions than their original culture.
hallelujah- praise ye the Lord... a shout or song of praise used to express joy or thanks. in context of the song:
"finally hittin on what's been missin all along... singing my hallelujah song." singing a heartfelt song of thanks and praise to my Lord, i may have finally figured out what's been wrong all this time. it was hard to find my way, mostly because i was ornery and stubborn... but i was never alone on this journey. now, i am truly thankful *in the most praise worthy way possible* because i have landed safely where i belong... still singing my hallelujah song.
last thing... "divine punch-lines take a little time, but i'm getting it." i am so glad the God we serve has a sense of humor and is willing to share it with His children! you know you have an inside joke with God... you see something or hear a certain phrase- "hey God, that was a good one" and then you give him a high five or a wink or a smile... what a great God... so multi-faceted it is ridiculous and awe-inspiring (oh, ps... ridiculous is a serious prop word now... it's a good thing... haha) pretty great, pretty amazing, pretty wonderful!!!
peace out~
5.06.2008
track fourteen: wherever we go
i am officially behind the ball! i was supposed to have this soundtrack completed before graduation *didn't happen... didn't even come close to happening* i do apologize!
track fourteen is wherever we go by the newsboys. i love this song!! while some parts of it are completely off the wall *true to the newsboys style <3* the overall message is so true. there are some things that just seem to fall into place when you are where you are supposed to be... not only for you but also for those around you... you know what i mean?
small stuff like the first parking space in front of a store *or string of stores :)* or seeing your favorite bird sitting in a tree outside your window... a butterfly landing on your car while at a red light... sharing a smile with a complete stranger... finding a ten dollar bill in a pocket... and you can continue on and on with the small things that make you feel like having a partay :)
it's kinda like drinking a carbonated beverage for the first time in a long time... sharp and bubbly to your innards but exciting all the same. it leaves you wanting more...
which is very similar to the way we are supposed to be... leaving others wanting more of what we've got- something that is different... a noticeable different... a fun, noticeable different... a lively, fun and noticeably different something... it's JESUS!!!
idn't great (how'd you like that word... haha) that we get to be a party all the time because we have the life of the party living in us? go share your party!!!
track fourteen is wherever we go by the newsboys. i love this song!! while some parts of it are completely off the wall *true to the newsboys style <3* the overall message is so true. there are some things that just seem to fall into place when you are where you are supposed to be... not only for you but also for those around you... you know what i mean?
small stuff like the first parking space in front of a store *or string of stores :)* or seeing your favorite bird sitting in a tree outside your window... a butterfly landing on your car while at a red light... sharing a smile with a complete stranger... finding a ten dollar bill in a pocket... and you can continue on and on with the small things that make you feel like having a partay :)
it's kinda like drinking a carbonated beverage for the first time in a long time... sharp and bubbly to your innards but exciting all the same. it leaves you wanting more...
which is very similar to the way we are supposed to be... leaving others wanting more of what we've got- something that is different... a noticeable different... a fun, noticeable different... a lively, fun and noticeably different something... it's JESUS!!!
idn't great (how'd you like that word... haha) that we get to be a party all the time because we have the life of the party living in us? go share your party!!!
*the end of the story*
i forgot to tell the end of the running story yesterday... i ran hard and i ran pretty fast *for me, the one who hates running* i got back to the beach house 38 minutes after starting the dreaded run. i had no clue how far i had gone, but i felt refreshed and rejuvenated... when i should have felt exhausted and possibly defeated... it was amazing!
about a mile down the beach *we had previously measured the distance of part of the beach with the car and key landmarks* i almost stopped and turned around... and i can't really remember why i didn't, but i kept going. the sound of the surf and the sight of the moon flickering across the ocean- it was too beautiful to see me quit...
i got to the end of the island and just turned around (kinda like forest gump... "i just kept runnin'") and the run back was phenomenal.... i knew i could make it back because i had made it that far... *there's a thinker of a statement* all the while, the words "i don't regret" running through my head.
i had started that run completely regretting a lot of things in life... i returned to the house regretting nothing- except maybe shaving my legs the afternoon before (shaving and salt water, still, do not mix... regardless of age, how long you've been shaving, how long it has been since you last shaved- none of that matters... it STILL burns like fire) (but i didn't notice that until i got back to the house) dad asked me where i had been...
"running... with God."
the next day, we drove to the end of the island to see how far i had actually gone. i was hoping the run would be close to 4 miles... we got to the end of the road *not the end of the island* at about 2.8 miles. that means i had run 5.5 miles! i had never run that far at one time in my life! maybe, quite possibly because that was the first time i had actually run with God...
and i've been doing it ever since~
about a mile down the beach *we had previously measured the distance of part of the beach with the car and key landmarks* i almost stopped and turned around... and i can't really remember why i didn't, but i kept going. the sound of the surf and the sight of the moon flickering across the ocean- it was too beautiful to see me quit...
i got to the end of the island and just turned around (kinda like forest gump... "i just kept runnin'") and the run back was phenomenal.... i knew i could make it back because i had made it that far... *there's a thinker of a statement* all the while, the words "i don't regret" running through my head.
i had started that run completely regretting a lot of things in life... i returned to the house regretting nothing- except maybe shaving my legs the afternoon before (shaving and salt water, still, do not mix... regardless of age, how long you've been shaving, how long it has been since you last shaved- none of that matters... it STILL burns like fire) (but i didn't notice that until i got back to the house) dad asked me where i had been...
"running... with God."
the next day, we drove to the end of the island to see how far i had actually gone. i was hoping the run would be close to 4 miles... we got to the end of the road *not the end of the island* at about 2.8 miles. that means i had run 5.5 miles! i had never run that far at one time in my life! maybe, quite possibly because that was the first time i had actually run with God...
and i've been doing it ever since~
5.05.2008
track thirteen: i don't regret
i have spent my summers in recent years preparing for preseason... distance running, weightlifting programs, sprint work... in the heat. it is amazing what athletes put their bodies through for sport. i am so glad i don't have to train this summer :)
i usually have a motivational beat going on my ipod when i am on the treadmill or in the weight room to keep me going. traditionally, it has been something of louder persuasion with a distracting bass beat... rap/hip-hop/rock/dance/pop... this summer, something changed.
runners will tell you to find a beat that matches your stride. i had done that *so i thought* but a week at the beach taught me differently.
it was a four mile run day on the preseason training schedule. (i hate running... why i chose to play a sport where you run for 90 minutes is beyond me... but to re-emphasize, i do not like to run) i didn't want to run four miles. i was on vacation, dang it! mom was riding me *because she loved me and wanted me to be prepared for death... haha, not really death- you want to die during preseason, though*
so i laced up my runners, popped in my earbuds, and hit the beach. the pier was a mile and a half to my left; the end of the island was who knew how far from me to the right. i chose to go to the right... i was possibly pre-menstrual. i knew i needed the longer distance to regroup. see, i was struggling big time with the boy conversations going on between the girls of the family. my middle sister was *and is* in a long term relationship and my youngest sister had just come home from governor's school with a boyfriend. there may have been some underlying bitterness there, but their every sentence included the boys' names. they had been reduced from their fun, sarcastic, and witty selves into boy-crazy girls... it was driving me crazy... this was the fourth day of vacation... fourth day, four miles, and a beach that seemed like it could go on forever...
i was angry and trying to decide which hole looked like an ankle breaker... radiating positivity i tell you... when this song started playing in my ear.
barlowgirl's i don't regret- track thirteen. do you know what happened, i played repeat the whole run. that song was the only song i heard that entire run. it was a run that changed my life...
"i don't regret choosing You... i'm not ashamed that its You who holds my heart"
the truth of this song [something i sometimes lose sight of] is that i trust God with everything, especially my heart. we effortlessly remember to trust God with the big decisions- jobs, relationships, travel plans, parenting styles, commitments, etc.- but we just as easily forget to trust and include Him with the things we think aren't worth His time. if He cares about His children, don't you think He cares about every part of their lives? He knows my biggest and smallest dreams... He knows the desires of my heart because He has my heart! i could not have made a better decision than trusting my Savior with my heart. He is the only one capable of loving me the way i need to be loved... what is more important than that?
a hand to hold? a warm body in bed next to you? a significant other to kiss goodnight? someone to ask how your day was? they all seem kinda "weak-sauce" when measuring up to the powerful and loving hand that holds my heart. i'm just saying...
i have no regrets, and i have no shame that my Jesus holds my heart!
i usually have a motivational beat going on my ipod when i am on the treadmill or in the weight room to keep me going. traditionally, it has been something of louder persuasion with a distracting bass beat... rap/hip-hop/rock/dance/pop... this summer, something changed.
runners will tell you to find a beat that matches your stride. i had done that *so i thought* but a week at the beach taught me differently.
it was a four mile run day on the preseason training schedule. (i hate running... why i chose to play a sport where you run for 90 minutes is beyond me... but to re-emphasize, i do not like to run) i didn't want to run four miles. i was on vacation, dang it! mom was riding me *because she loved me and wanted me to be prepared for death... haha, not really death- you want to die during preseason, though*
so i laced up my runners, popped in my earbuds, and hit the beach. the pier was a mile and a half to my left; the end of the island was who knew how far from me to the right. i chose to go to the right... i was possibly pre-menstrual. i knew i needed the longer distance to regroup. see, i was struggling big time with the boy conversations going on between the girls of the family. my middle sister was *and is* in a long term relationship and my youngest sister had just come home from governor's school with a boyfriend. there may have been some underlying bitterness there, but their every sentence included the boys' names. they had been reduced from their fun, sarcastic, and witty selves into boy-crazy girls... it was driving me crazy... this was the fourth day of vacation... fourth day, four miles, and a beach that seemed like it could go on forever...
i was angry and trying to decide which hole looked like an ankle breaker... radiating positivity i tell you... when this song started playing in my ear.
barlowgirl's i don't regret- track thirteen. do you know what happened, i played repeat the whole run. that song was the only song i heard that entire run. it was a run that changed my life...
"i don't regret choosing You... i'm not ashamed that its You who holds my heart"
the truth of this song [something i sometimes lose sight of] is that i trust God with everything, especially my heart. we effortlessly remember to trust God with the big decisions- jobs, relationships, travel plans, parenting styles, commitments, etc.- but we just as easily forget to trust and include Him with the things we think aren't worth His time. if He cares about His children, don't you think He cares about every part of their lives? He knows my biggest and smallest dreams... He knows the desires of my heart because He has my heart! i could not have made a better decision than trusting my Savior with my heart. He is the only one capable of loving me the way i need to be loved... what is more important than that?
a hand to hold? a warm body in bed next to you? a significant other to kiss goodnight? someone to ask how your day was? they all seem kinda "weak-sauce" when measuring up to the powerful and loving hand that holds my heart. i'm just saying...
i have no regrets, and i have no shame that my Jesus holds my heart!
5.04.2008
track twelve: moonlight sonata
i really love classical music. a lot. throwing a real classical piece on the cd was a must... track twelve is beethoven's moonlight sonata. no words... just music... for thought and meditation.
i use classical music while studying. i don't like to study *something i should be doing right now* so if i can make it more enjoyable by listening to music... heck yes, ima do it :) this song is one of my favorites...
i like to imagine beethoven watching the moonlight dance on the water or make shadows move across his street with fascination. having no audible connection to his world, he could only create what he thought things sounded like... the music of life... this is the music of the moon.
it is soft and serene... tranquil and awe-inspiring... calming and rejuvenating. do you not agree?
if we think about the function of the moon- keeping the forces of gravity in check, reflected by the daily ebb and flow of the oceans, lakes, and ponds of the earth- it is steady. it is constant. it maintains its rhythm... hear it in the song?
and there are the phases of the moon! *news flash* growing up we always had our favorites: the full moon, "God's toenail" moon, "no" moon, first/last quarter moon. there was a new moon every night. this, to me, is present in the song as the variated, repetitive element that keeps your attention. like the cycles of the moon, the notes are never expressed the same way. you can watch thousands displays of the moon and never see the same one repeat. there is always something new- a star, a cloud, a new skyscraper adding to the essence that is the night time horizon.
midnight skyscapes in the mountains are fabulous reminders of the power of God. nights are often clear, and the stars shine like *cliche* diamonds. it is true! it is as if you could reach out and pluck the star of your choice out of the sky... who can truly conceive the majestic nature of a star... something we see as a "twinkling" element of our nights is actually a huge ball of burning gases... and it has a color... and a name, a God-given name. and we think of them as pinpricks in a piece of black construction paper...
it just goes to show you that our minds are not capable of understanding... anything. it seems like the more answers we get, the questions arise. this is the point i take two steps back... the beethoven of my imagination may have had it right. maybe we are just supposed to be filled with wonder and amazement by the creations of God's hand. maybe we don't have to know all the answers in order to appreciate the entities that decorate our lives. moonlight sonata takes me to that place...
a place of thought and meditation... thoughts of the beauty of nature portrayed by beautiful music.
i use classical music while studying. i don't like to study *something i should be doing right now* so if i can make it more enjoyable by listening to music... heck yes, ima do it :) this song is one of my favorites...
i like to imagine beethoven watching the moonlight dance on the water or make shadows move across his street with fascination. having no audible connection to his world, he could only create what he thought things sounded like... the music of life... this is the music of the moon.
it is soft and serene... tranquil and awe-inspiring... calming and rejuvenating. do you not agree?
if we think about the function of the moon- keeping the forces of gravity in check, reflected by the daily ebb and flow of the oceans, lakes, and ponds of the earth- it is steady. it is constant. it maintains its rhythm... hear it in the song?
and there are the phases of the moon! *news flash* growing up we always had our favorites: the full moon, "God's toenail" moon, "no" moon, first/last quarter moon. there was a new moon every night. this, to me, is present in the song as the variated, repetitive element that keeps your attention. like the cycles of the moon, the notes are never expressed the same way. you can watch thousands displays of the moon and never see the same one repeat. there is always something new- a star, a cloud, a new skyscraper adding to the essence that is the night time horizon.
midnight skyscapes in the mountains are fabulous reminders of the power of God. nights are often clear, and the stars shine like *cliche* diamonds. it is true! it is as if you could reach out and pluck the star of your choice out of the sky... who can truly conceive the majestic nature of a star... something we see as a "twinkling" element of our nights is actually a huge ball of burning gases... and it has a color... and a name, a God-given name. and we think of them as pinpricks in a piece of black construction paper...
it just goes to show you that our minds are not capable of understanding... anything. it seems like the more answers we get, the questions arise. this is the point i take two steps back... the beethoven of my imagination may have had it right. maybe we are just supposed to be filled with wonder and amazement by the creations of God's hand. maybe we don't have to know all the answers in order to appreciate the entities that decorate our lives. moonlight sonata takes me to that place...
a place of thought and meditation... thoughts of the beauty of nature portrayed by beautiful music.
track eleven: You are everything
matthew west's You are everything is track eleven. i absolutely love this song... today, i think i will post the lyrics and let you explore what they mean to you...
i'm the one with two left feet
standing on a lonely street
i can't even walk a straight line
and every time You look at me
i'm spinning like an autumn leaf
bound to hit bottom sometime.
where would i be without someone to save me
someone who won't let me fall...
You are everything that i live for
everything that i can't believe is happening
You're standing right in front of me with arms wide open
all i know is every day is filled with hope
You are everything that i breathe for
and i can't help but breathe you in and breathe again
feeling all this life within
every single beat of my heart!
i'm the one with big mistakes
big regrets and bigger breaks
than i'd ever care to confess
oh but, You're the one who looks at me
and sees what i was meant to be
more than just a beautiful mess...
where would i be without someone to save me
someone who won't let me fall...
You are everything that i live for
everything that i can't believe is happening
You're standing right in front of me with arms wide open
all I know is every day is filled with hope
cuz' You are everything that i breathe for
and i can't help but breathe you in and breathe again
feeling all this life within
every single beat of my heart-
You're everything good in my life
Everything honest and true
And all of those stars hanging up in the sky
Could never shine brighter than You!!
You are everything that i live for
everything that i can't believe is happening
You're standing right in front of me with arms wide open
all I know is every day is filled with hope
cuz' You are everything that i breathe for
and i can't help but breathe you in breathe again
feeling all this life within
every single beat of my heart
You are
You are, Jesus,
You are, You are everything!
what did you learn from this song?
my reflections: even though i am totally incapable of doing anything on my own- walking a straight line, breathing a single breath, getting one thing right in life- my Savior sees me as i was supposed to be... He sees me without a blemish or mistake because i have been made new in Him. and because of that, He is everything to me... everything!
i'm the one with two left feet
standing on a lonely street
i can't even walk a straight line
and every time You look at me
i'm spinning like an autumn leaf
bound to hit bottom sometime.
where would i be without someone to save me
someone who won't let me fall...
You are everything that i live for
everything that i can't believe is happening
You're standing right in front of me with arms wide open
all i know is every day is filled with hope
You are everything that i breathe for
and i can't help but breathe you in and breathe again
feeling all this life within
every single beat of my heart!
i'm the one with big mistakes
big regrets and bigger breaks
than i'd ever care to confess
oh but, You're the one who looks at me
and sees what i was meant to be
more than just a beautiful mess...
where would i be without someone to save me
someone who won't let me fall...
You are everything that i live for
everything that i can't believe is happening
You're standing right in front of me with arms wide open
all I know is every day is filled with hope
cuz' You are everything that i breathe for
and i can't help but breathe you in and breathe again
feeling all this life within
every single beat of my heart-
You're everything good in my life
Everything honest and true
And all of those stars hanging up in the sky
Could never shine brighter than You!!
You are everything that i live for
everything that i can't believe is happening
You're standing right in front of me with arms wide open
all I know is every day is filled with hope
cuz' You are everything that i breathe for
and i can't help but breathe you in breathe again
feeling all this life within
every single beat of my heart
You are
You are, Jesus,
You are, You are everything!
what did you learn from this song?
my reflections: even though i am totally incapable of doing anything on my own- walking a straight line, breathing a single breath, getting one thing right in life- my Savior sees me as i was supposed to be... He sees me without a blemish or mistake because i have been made new in Him. and because of that, He is everything to me... everything!
5.03.2008
track ten: i hope you dance
not trying to be overly mushy or make anybody cry, but track ten *over halfway, baby* is lee ann womack's i hope you dance.
pretty sure this is the hope of every parent for their children. i know my mom and dad raised the three of us "to dance" in a world of walkers... and i really appreciate that. i am approaching that age when dancing is the most important. making big decisions, determining the plan for the rest of my life, closing significant chapters of my youth and joining the big and very real world... and i want to dance.
this song has become my dream... my parents, grandparents, other family, older friends, and mentors have dreamt this for me my whole life... but it is my turn now. i still expect them to push me to be the best and ride me when i don't make the best decisions *because i know i won't always do that and i don't have most of the answers* but i am going to take over the responsibility of dreaming...
pretty assertive, watch out!
so, why does this song earn a place on this soundtrack? because. (remember when you learned that because was not a sufficient answer? remember the first time you heard a parent answer "because" and you smarted off by mockingly saying "because is not an answer" *haha* and remember when the new answer became "because i said so" and how that pretty much ended the conversation and you did whatever your parent said? remember that? just wondering) back to the matter at hand, this song is on my soundtrack because it defines my loved ones expectations and hope for my life; thus, it defines my outlook on life and the person i want to be... i want to dance!
key concepts within the lyrics of this song (as they appear):
pretty sure this is the hope of every parent for their children. i know my mom and dad raised the three of us "to dance" in a world of walkers... and i really appreciate that. i am approaching that age when dancing is the most important. making big decisions, determining the plan for the rest of my life, closing significant chapters of my youth and joining the big and very real world... and i want to dance.
this song has become my dream... my parents, grandparents, other family, older friends, and mentors have dreamt this for me my whole life... but it is my turn now. i still expect them to push me to be the best and ride me when i don't make the best decisions *because i know i won't always do that and i don't have most of the answers* but i am going to take over the responsibility of dreaming...
pretty assertive, watch out!
so, why does this song earn a place on this soundtrack? because. (remember when you learned that because was not a sufficient answer? remember the first time you heard a parent answer "because" and you smarted off by mockingly saying "because is not an answer" *haha* and remember when the new answer became "because i said so" and how that pretty much ended the conversation and you did whatever your parent said? remember that? just wondering) back to the matter at hand, this song is on my soundtrack because it defines my loved ones expectations and hope for my life; thus, it defines my outlook on life and the person i want to be... i want to dance!
key concepts within the lyrics of this song (as they appear):
- always full of wonder... never claiming to know it all, never bored with what surrounds you, always expecting to learn something new.
- always hungry... even though you are well-provided-for, expect more. not a materialistic hunger, rather for a hunger for that which truly satisfies
- always grateful... for every breath, but beyond that.
- experience love... maybe not from that significant other, but feel loved
- always feel small... true humility, never out grow your own pants... don't let your head get too big :)
- keep the faith... fight to keep it, even.
- no fear... this line makes me laugh because mountains can be very deceiving. they are covered with roads (who knew, right?) no matter how big and overwhelming those roads may seem, there is always a way to get over them... don't fear the mountains in the distance... don't fear period.
- be your own person... don't follow the crowd because it is the easiest thing to do. the hard things are worth the fight...
- take chances... don't live irresponsibly, but don't always follow the rules *my friend wendy and i had this conversation the other day :)* push the limits, responsibly... they make you grow. take chances on love, too... it may hurt, but you'll get over it before you get married :)
- keep a joyful heart... don't adopt bitterness as a new pet- have faith in the human race, don't harden your heart out of fear or anger... it won't help anybody (especially you)
- spend time with God... serious time with Him. He is worth more than a passing glance!!!
and DANCE!!! dance through life. leave a happy trail of footprints behind you. participate in life!
in the chorus, the backup guys are singing some good stuff... "time is a real and constant motion always pushing us along/ tell me who wants to look back at their youth and wonder where those years have gone." you can't get time back... you can't stop it from going on... so live your life to the fullest- every single solitary minute of it!
this song can be more than a ballad from a parent to a child...
can you find God in this song? will you choose to dance through life?
track nine: shine on us
this track is one of my heart's constant prayers... sung here by one of my favorite artists (avalon), track nine is shine on us.
and because it is a plead for God's hand in our lives, i don't think it needs much explanation... just reflection... heart-felt expression to the Light of the world. so, today's post is a prayer...
Lord, let Your light shine on us. Your life-giving light, Heavenly Father, let it shine on us and give us direction when we can't find our way... let it shine, let it shine... Lord, let us also radiate that light... make us Your lights here to reach the lost and dying world trying to live without You. let Your light shine on us...
Lord, let Your grace fall on us. The grace we don't deserve but accept with ever grateful hearts, Savior, let Your grace fill our lives. and let us share that grace, Lord. ready us to forgive and give us power to do so... let us release grudges that will poison Your kingdom. Your grace, we need it. let Your grace fall on us...
Lord, let Your love come over us. Love that cannot be measured or contained, Almighty God, let it not only come over us but also pour out from our every pore. Loving Father, we are incapable of seeing everyone like You do... give us eyes to see one another in love. let us be vessels of Your love. let Your love come over us...
that we may be saved, God... because we all need to be saved. no one, no one is above that. that we may have life- a life filled with You and filled with a purpose that is bigger than ourselves. that we may have direction in a dark and cloudy world, that we may have Your guiding hand holding ours every step of our journey, that we may have hearts willing to follow Your lead... Almighty Father God, let Your light shine on us... let Your grace fall on us... let Your love come over us... in Your Holy Son's most precious name, He who enabled us to come to you with confidence, it is in His name we pray. amen!
and because it is a plead for God's hand in our lives, i don't think it needs much explanation... just reflection... heart-felt expression to the Light of the world. so, today's post is a prayer...
Lord, let Your light shine on us. Your life-giving light, Heavenly Father, let it shine on us and give us direction when we can't find our way... let it shine, let it shine... Lord, let us also radiate that light... make us Your lights here to reach the lost and dying world trying to live without You. let Your light shine on us...
Lord, let Your grace fall on us. The grace we don't deserve but accept with ever grateful hearts, Savior, let Your grace fill our lives. and let us share that grace, Lord. ready us to forgive and give us power to do so... let us release grudges that will poison Your kingdom. Your grace, we need it. let Your grace fall on us...
Lord, let Your love come over us. Love that cannot be measured or contained, Almighty God, let it not only come over us but also pour out from our every pore. Loving Father, we are incapable of seeing everyone like You do... give us eyes to see one another in love. let us be vessels of Your love. let Your love come over us...
that we may be saved, God... because we all need to be saved. no one, no one is above that. that we may have life- a life filled with You and filled with a purpose that is bigger than ourselves. that we may have direction in a dark and cloudy world, that we may have Your guiding hand holding ours every step of our journey, that we may have hearts willing to follow Your lead... Almighty Father God, let Your light shine on us... let Your grace fall on us... let Your love come over us... in Your Holy Son's most precious name, He who enabled us to come to you with confidence, it is in His name we pray. amen!
5.01.2008
track eight: work that
track eight is mary j. blige's work that... it is a relatively new song; however, it has had a profound impact on my life.
the first time i heard this song, i thought it was catchy. this song isn't your typical power-to-the-woman-bash-all-men song. it speaks more about women being psychologically and emotionally beaten by today's culture. the concept "work that" is from the runway... strutting, cat-walking, throwing your hips around... but i see it more as a a confidence in what you have-- the things that make you you.
God really speaks to me through the lyrics (and the beat... haha) of this song... in a very personal way. the first line talks about becoming a queen. God reminds me that i am His child *which makes me a princess* and all princesses are regal- like queens. i spent a lot of time rejecting the idea that i was anything close to royalty... instead i chose to place myself at the bottom of everyone's totem pole. i preferred mud and dirt to the sunshine a couple heads up. but i am beautiful and deserve to be seen! God reminds me of that in this song.
there is serious pressure amongst the young people in this world to fit the mold and conform to the standards projected in the media. for me, this song gives me confidence to be different... more importantly, it allows me to be proud of my difference. "it's okay show yourself some love/ don't worry who's saying what/ it's gonna be fine/ work what you got." so let them hate (rag, complain, gossip, etc.) let them talk because i realize it is only because they are not happy with who they are... i am confident enough in who i am as my Father's child to take it. that is what God tells me in this song...
so, work that! work what God has given you in this earthly life to prove to others that He is good. be it illness or self-confidence or physical limitation or deformity or whatever else... work it to His glory.
mary j. blige might not share this viewpoint, but that is the beauty of art... it is up to the viewer/listener for interpretation... that is pretty cool. something else that is pretty cool: "for God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him" ~philippians 2:13. work that, friend... work that!
the first time i heard this song, i thought it was catchy. this song isn't your typical power-to-the-woman-bash-all-men song. it speaks more about women being psychologically and emotionally beaten by today's culture. the concept "work that" is from the runway... strutting, cat-walking, throwing your hips around... but i see it more as a a confidence in what you have-- the things that make you you.
God really speaks to me through the lyrics (and the beat... haha) of this song... in a very personal way. the first line talks about becoming a queen. God reminds me that i am His child *which makes me a princess* and all princesses are regal- like queens. i spent a lot of time rejecting the idea that i was anything close to royalty... instead i chose to place myself at the bottom of everyone's totem pole. i preferred mud and dirt to the sunshine a couple heads up. but i am beautiful and deserve to be seen! God reminds me of that in this song.
there is serious pressure amongst the young people in this world to fit the mold and conform to the standards projected in the media. for me, this song gives me confidence to be different... more importantly, it allows me to be proud of my difference. "it's okay show yourself some love/ don't worry who's saying what/ it's gonna be fine/ work what you got." so let them hate (rag, complain, gossip, etc.) let them talk because i realize it is only because they are not happy with who they are... i am confident enough in who i am as my Father's child to take it. that is what God tells me in this song...
so, work that! work what God has given you in this earthly life to prove to others that He is good. be it illness or self-confidence or physical limitation or deformity or whatever else... work it to His glory.
mary j. blige might not share this viewpoint, but that is the beauty of art... it is up to the viewer/listener for interpretation... that is pretty cool. something else that is pretty cool: "for God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him" ~philippians 2:13. work that, friend... work that!
4.29.2008
track seven: ... is a three way tie
let's do a quick recap of the first six songs:
- canon in d
- the rainbow connection
- my tribute
- 2 legit 2 quit
- bottom of the barrel
- the star spangled banner
one third down, two thirds to go! *yikes* it still seems overwhelming... but on we trek~
track seven is quite reflective of my present musical mood... which is quite fitting in and of itself i guess... but to further explain things, i am on a southern gospel kick right now.
having been raised in the south for my entire life *big ptl there* i have grown up singing something with a little twang here and there... from family harmonies squeezing out four parts *with five people* to the country church singing "sweet aroma of praise," i have fond memories in the southern gospel sub-genre.
which makes this really hard... i decided to go with the gaither vocal band... classics like john the revelator//there is a river//the love of God, an insane amount of hymns, the michael english years, and the russ taff years were all beaten out by the phelps/penrod/lowry/gaither combination then. from there it was a very close fight between "i'm satisfied," "Alpha and Omega," and "loving God."
track seven is loving God, loving each other. not to take away from the others *because i love them dearly, especially when my uncle mike is singing the bass line* this song is what it is all about! "loving God, loving each other/ making music with my friends... and the story never ends!" :)
and while it may not be everything you need to know to get you through this life, it sure does make things more enjoyable... simple... it is a great perspective, don't you think?
i could not go without linking you to the "track seven alternates" as they will now be known... i'm satisfied and Alpha and Omega...
can they just share the title of track seven... like a medley of the three? great! glad you agree...
i'm satsified may not always define your actual spiritual state *we all have those rough patches no matter how much we try to cover them up* but when you feel the satisfaction of the Lord... ... ... there are no words to describe it!!! it is in the moments of satisfaction that we can sing this song at the top of our lungs for anyone and everyone to hear... look the word up... satisfied- filled to the brim, gratified to the fullest. praise God, i'm satisfied!!!
Alpha and Omega makes me beam with joy :)) it is one of those songs that will never grow old. " HE IS LORD!
4.28.2008
track six: the star spangled banner
... how many times have you heard this song? before athletic events, following olympic competition, during important national ceremonies, 4th of july family gatherings, patriotic themed church services... many of us would love to say "too many," but i can't bring myself to do it. there is something that always gets to me when i hear it... track number six- the star spangled banner.
my earliest memories of our national anthem take place on the james river just outside of newport news, va. my papa and his two brothers would lead the herrmann clan in pledging allegiance to the flag and singing a couple of patriotic songs as a kick-off to the 4th of july family reunion. i wasn't old enough to know all the words, but i could sure hum that tune. i wanted to be involved in a song that made some beam with pride and others shed a steady flow of tears... the national anthem meant something to them... i wanted it to mean something to me.
from my first varsity high school game onward, the national anthem has been included in my pregame ritual. i didn't always understand why the national anthem was played when the only competitors were americans... we were getting ready to go out and "slaughter" our fellow countrymen... in the name of sport and good fun. that didn't seem respectful or patriotic to me... at all!
shortly after 9/11, the national anthem became real to me. it became an audible reminder that my fight as an american existed beyond the playing field... it was a connection. it was with the soldiers fighting overseas... it was with the vets who removed their hats and saluted the flag years after retiring from active service... it was with the people mouthing the words and showing pride in their country... it was surreal to finally understand the symbolic playing of the national anthem before any event.
its a perspective of perseverance and trust. when francis scott key composed this hymn, he did so out of gratitude and relief, praise and amazement. the final verse *yes, there are a lot of verses* says, "o, thus be it ever when freemen shall stand/ between their loved homes and the war's desolation/ blest with vict'ry and peace, may the heav'n-rescued land/ praise the Pow'r that hath made and preserv'd us as a nation! then conquer we must, when our cause it is just/ and this be our motto: "in God is our trust"/ and the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave/ o'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!" pretty cool, huh?
blessed with victory and peace may this land praise the Power that made us so/ if we have reason to go and fight (either for our own protection, or that of a weaker ally) let us go forward claiming God as our trust... we are forever the land of the free and the home of the brave.
i believe the star spangled banner has become a trite and commonplace ornament in today's society... i believe every american should consider themselves blessed when remembering their nationality- regardless of politics... i believe the founding fathers and historical giants who created this nation to be "the land of the free and the home of the brave" did not place limitations on those to whom it applied. our national anthem plays on not to signal the first pitch but to remind us of the greater things in life... the things that really matter.
the clearly evident and unseen element of the star spangled banner: in God is our trust. the national anthem means something to me. it means a lot to me...
my earliest memories of our national anthem take place on the james river just outside of newport news, va. my papa and his two brothers would lead the herrmann clan in pledging allegiance to the flag and singing a couple of patriotic songs as a kick-off to the 4th of july family reunion. i wasn't old enough to know all the words, but i could sure hum that tune. i wanted to be involved in a song that made some beam with pride and others shed a steady flow of tears... the national anthem meant something to them... i wanted it to mean something to me.
from my first varsity high school game onward, the national anthem has been included in my pregame ritual. i didn't always understand why the national anthem was played when the only competitors were americans... we were getting ready to go out and "slaughter" our fellow countrymen... in the name of sport and good fun. that didn't seem respectful or patriotic to me... at all!
shortly after 9/11, the national anthem became real to me. it became an audible reminder that my fight as an american existed beyond the playing field... it was a connection. it was with the soldiers fighting overseas... it was with the vets who removed their hats and saluted the flag years after retiring from active service... it was with the people mouthing the words and showing pride in their country... it was surreal to finally understand the symbolic playing of the national anthem before any event.
its a perspective of perseverance and trust. when francis scott key composed this hymn, he did so out of gratitude and relief, praise and amazement. the final verse *yes, there are a lot of verses* says, "o, thus be it ever when freemen shall stand/ between their loved homes and the war's desolation/ blest with vict'ry and peace, may the heav'n-rescued land/ praise the Pow'r that hath made and preserv'd us as a nation! then conquer we must, when our cause it is just/ and this be our motto: "in God is our trust"/ and the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave/ o'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!" pretty cool, huh?
blessed with victory and peace may this land praise the Power that made us so/ if we have reason to go and fight (either for our own protection, or that of a weaker ally) let us go forward claiming God as our trust... we are forever the land of the free and the home of the brave.
i believe the star spangled banner has become a trite and commonplace ornament in today's society... i believe every american should consider themselves blessed when remembering their nationality- regardless of politics... i believe the founding fathers and historical giants who created this nation to be "the land of the free and the home of the brave" did not place limitations on those to whom it applied. our national anthem plays on not to signal the first pitch but to remind us of the greater things in life... the things that really matter.
the clearly evident and unseen element of the star spangled banner: in God is our trust. the national anthem means something to me. it means a lot to me...
4.27.2008
track five: bottom of the barrel
i realize it has been some time since i last shared... life is busy, life is hectic, but life, above all, is good!
it is the first truly rainy day this spring here in the mountains... and i love it. birds chirping, thunder rolling, puddles forming... life is being renewed right in front of me! i am quite appreciative :)
rainy days make me remember the not-so-happy rainy days of my youth. i wasn't allowed to play outside in the rain... the puddles that formed during the rain were fair game after the rain stopped, but rain meant no outside time... i loved (and still love) outside! (and i still don't play in the rain)
rainy days were especially not fun when i was visiting grandparents. we *my two amazing sisters and i* were seriously stuck on the inside and it smelled funny. we found small ways to entertain ourselves... one of which was watching the rain collecting contraption outside the bay window.
my maternal grandmother (still) has that water collecting tube to measure the amount of rain per storm. she usually compares it to the numbers her local weatherman reads off during the 11 o'clock news... she wants to prove him wrong; 95% of the time she does :) *i don't have anything in common with her whatsoever... hahah* with the recent drought, that tube hasn't served any large function... i took a trip to see her this past easter. guess what?!? it rained. i found myself drawn to the same bay window to watch the rain water level rise...
it was different this time: there was a bug in the tube when the rain started... a flying bug whose wings were disabled by the first drop of rain... it had to learn to float pretty fast. i watched it struggle for about twenty minutes before compassion made me venture out to save it.
and i was reminded of this song... bottom of the barrel by amos lee... the power of an optimistic outlook on life :)
so when i feel like i have been pelted by a huge raindrop that knocks me down to the bottom of that collection tube (like that bug) i get to have a choice. i can stay at the bottom and remember when times were good and i wasn't stuck in a barrel of water... OR... i can fight to stay on top, knowing that the water level will eventually reach the top of the tube allowing me to crawl out.
rain really is one of my favorite weather conditions *if i am somewhere dry and not driving* when applied to my seasonal weather of life, i still like it. it is rejuvenation even though it may seem miserable... it is refreshment even though it feels disheartening... it is cleansing... it is rain.
take some time to appreciate the rain... the literal and figurative rains.
it is the first truly rainy day this spring here in the mountains... and i love it. birds chirping, thunder rolling, puddles forming... life is being renewed right in front of me! i am quite appreciative :)
rainy days make me remember the not-so-happy rainy days of my youth. i wasn't allowed to play outside in the rain... the puddles that formed during the rain were fair game after the rain stopped, but rain meant no outside time... i loved (and still love) outside! (and i still don't play in the rain)
rainy days were especially not fun when i was visiting grandparents. we *my two amazing sisters and i* were seriously stuck on the inside and it smelled funny. we found small ways to entertain ourselves... one of which was watching the rain collecting contraption outside the bay window.
my maternal grandmother (still) has that water collecting tube to measure the amount of rain per storm. she usually compares it to the numbers her local weatherman reads off during the 11 o'clock news... she wants to prove him wrong; 95% of the time she does :) *i don't have anything in common with her whatsoever... hahah* with the recent drought, that tube hasn't served any large function... i took a trip to see her this past easter. guess what?!? it rained. i found myself drawn to the same bay window to watch the rain water level rise...
it was different this time: there was a bug in the tube when the rain started... a flying bug whose wings were disabled by the first drop of rain... it had to learn to float pretty fast. i watched it struggle for about twenty minutes before compassion made me venture out to save it.
and i was reminded of this song... bottom of the barrel by amos lee... the power of an optimistic outlook on life :)
so when i feel like i have been pelted by a huge raindrop that knocks me down to the bottom of that collection tube (like that bug) i get to have a choice. i can stay at the bottom and remember when times were good and i wasn't stuck in a barrel of water... OR... i can fight to stay on top, knowing that the water level will eventually reach the top of the tube allowing me to crawl out.
rain really is one of my favorite weather conditions *if i am somewhere dry and not driving* when applied to my seasonal weather of life, i still like it. it is rejuvenation even though it may seem miserable... it is refreshment even though it feels disheartening... it is cleansing... it is rain.
take some time to appreciate the rain... the literal and figurative rains.
4.24.2008
track four: 2 legit 2 quit :)
2 legit 2 quit. mc hammer. need i say more? uhm, probably so because my previous tracks have been so tranquil and soothing and relaxing and easy-going and, well, this just doesn't follow suit :))
when i was in the 8th grade, my algebra teacher started a club called "2 legit 2 quit" for kids who did well on two consecutive tests. i didn't really know the song at the time (i was only seven when the song became a hit... twelve when i joined the club) but i got to wear this really cool badge to the math club meetings *nerd, i know* and i was cool...
i found that badge about five years ago... i listened to the song... and i loved the message in that oh-so-90's beat.
this song comes at a great time... heading into exam season... i don't want to work hard for the best possible grade. it would be easy for me to quit right now, pass my classes, graduate and head off to my next endeavor. but mc hammer reminds me:
"i don't quit no i just press harder than i ever did before, going for the dreams i know i have in store..." this song not only gets my feet going, but it also gets my focus and attitude in gear. i can do it... i am too legit too quit! i cannot quit... i will not quit!!
does that sound familiar? i press harder... "i press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus (phil 3:14)." i am working with and by a power that is beyond me. as i am bogged down and disgruntled by the things blocking my path and keeping me from what i want, i sometimes forget that i don't really have to worry about those things... i just keep trucking...
when i was in the 8th grade, my algebra teacher started a club called "2 legit 2 quit" for kids who did well on two consecutive tests. i didn't really know the song at the time (i was only seven when the song became a hit... twelve when i joined the club) but i got to wear this really cool badge to the math club meetings *nerd, i know* and i was cool...
i found that badge about five years ago... i listened to the song... and i loved the message in that oh-so-90's beat.
this song comes at a great time... heading into exam season... i don't want to work hard for the best possible grade. it would be easy for me to quit right now, pass my classes, graduate and head off to my next endeavor. but mc hammer reminds me:
"i don't quit no i just press harder than i ever did before, going for the dreams i know i have in store..." this song not only gets my feet going, but it also gets my focus and attitude in gear. i can do it... i am too legit too quit! i cannot quit... i will not quit!!
does that sound familiar? i press harder... "i press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus (phil 3:14)." i am working with and by a power that is beyond me. as i am bogged down and disgruntled by the things blocking my path and keeping me from what i want, i sometimes forget that i don't really have to worry about those things... i just keep trucking...
i have been made a legitimate heir of God's glory through Christ's sacrifice... that makes me legit. too legit... too legit to quit!!!
4.23.2008
track three: my tribute
it is really hard to put together a soundtrack of your life... i didn't know it would be such a task to get it organized :)
... i grew up in a small suburb of a large city but went to school in the downtown of that city. morning commutes were long and often times quite stressful. the insane traffic and constant stop-go rhythm of the car made me want to vomit...
but it wasn't all bad... i remember mom popping in an andrae crouch cassette tape one morning *note that it was not a cd* i don't think that tape ever came out of that '96 ford windstar! the three girls plus mom could jam out to that gospel music, boi! we were pretty rocking :)
one of my least favorites on the tape at the time was my tribute... i didn't like the spoken word aspect of the song as a child. it was the last song on the tape and that of course meant that there was a good one waiting on the other side...
then, i grew up. how can you not?
"how can I say thanks for the things You have done for me? things so undeserved, yet You gave to prove Your love for me; the voices of a million angels could not express my gratitude. all that i am and ever hope to be, i owe it all to Thee." the spoken element of this marvelous song... so reflective of the heart...
everything God has done and will do for us, everything we have not and will never deserve, He has done and will continue to do because of His love for us. how can we not be thankful... i don't know the magnitude of a million angels' voices, but i know the extent of my gratitude. i surely believe that i could duel it out with a million angels *wink, wink*
all that i am and ever hope to be... i owe it all to Thee.
"to God be the glory, to God be the glory, to God be the glory for the things He has done. with His blood He has saved me, with His power He has raised me; to God be the glory for the things He has done." i get goosebumps before the first glory gets past the o! my hands are up in the air before the first glory is completed... this is my soul's song!! and if that is my soul's song, this is my life's prayer..."just let me live my life, let it pleasing, Lord to Thee, and if i gain any praise, let it go to Calvary." it isn't about me, Lord, not even a little bit!
to God be the glory... to You be all the glory, Father God!!!
... i grew up in a small suburb of a large city but went to school in the downtown of that city. morning commutes were long and often times quite stressful. the insane traffic and constant stop-go rhythm of the car made me want to vomit...
but it wasn't all bad... i remember mom popping in an andrae crouch cassette tape one morning *note that it was not a cd* i don't think that tape ever came out of that '96 ford windstar! the three girls plus mom could jam out to that gospel music, boi! we were pretty rocking :)
one of my least favorites on the tape at the time was my tribute... i didn't like the spoken word aspect of the song as a child. it was the last song on the tape and that of course meant that there was a good one waiting on the other side...
then, i grew up. how can you not?
"how can I say thanks for the things You have done for me? things so undeserved, yet You gave to prove Your love for me; the voices of a million angels could not express my gratitude. all that i am and ever hope to be, i owe it all to Thee." the spoken element of this marvelous song... so reflective of the heart...
everything God has done and will do for us, everything we have not and will never deserve, He has done and will continue to do because of His love for us. how can we not be thankful... i don't know the magnitude of a million angels' voices, but i know the extent of my gratitude. i surely believe that i could duel it out with a million angels *wink, wink*
all that i am and ever hope to be... i owe it all to Thee.
"to God be the glory, to God be the glory, to God be the glory for the things He has done. with His blood He has saved me, with His power He has raised me; to God be the glory for the things He has done." i get goosebumps before the first glory gets past the o! my hands are up in the air before the first glory is completed... this is my soul's song!! and if that is my soul's song, this is my life's prayer..."just let me live my life, let it pleasing, Lord to Thee, and if i gain any praise, let it go to Calvary." it isn't about me, Lord, not even a little bit!
to God be the glory... to You be all the glory, Father God!!!
4.22.2008
"green is my favorite color"
small reprieve from the soundtrack of life to focus on an important day- today is earth day... don't get the wrong idear here :) in no way/shape/form am i pushing you to become a tree-hugger or new-age earth worshiper, i just wanted to alert you to the fact that today is important...
important because it is a day most of us overlook... it is a day set apart remembrance of the beauty of creation. we have a chance to adjust our mindsets and refocus our attentions to become better stewards of that which we are to oversee. God places us over creation for a reason... we lose sight of it more often than not.
i am the world's worst for recycling and being eco-friendly *bio major, not an avid recycler... what?!?!* but i am going to try to make better decisions and make my little corner of the world more "green." (i encourage you to do the same)
if everybody takes this approach... green thumbs- green minds- green beans... just kidding *but green beans are a step in the right direction :)* and everybody began to "greenify" their own corners of the world, patches of green polygons would begin popping up everywhere...
green is a beautiful color and a beautiful concept... and while it is dominated by the extreme collaterals, such as the misnomer of "organic" products and cars that operate on french fry grease, there is some validity to making the world *and ourselves* a little more green...
how can you become more green...
important because it is a day most of us overlook... it is a day set apart remembrance of the beauty of creation. we have a chance to adjust our mindsets and refocus our attentions to become better stewards of that which we are to oversee. God places us over creation for a reason... we lose sight of it more often than not.
i am the world's worst for recycling and being eco-friendly *bio major, not an avid recycler... what?!?!* but i am going to try to make better decisions and make my little corner of the world more "green." (i encourage you to do the same)
if everybody takes this approach... green thumbs- green minds- green beans... just kidding *but green beans are a step in the right direction :)* and everybody began to "greenify" their own corners of the world, patches of green polygons would begin popping up everywhere...
green is a beautiful color and a beautiful concept... and while it is dominated by the extreme collaterals, such as the misnomer of "organic" products and cars that operate on french fry grease, there is some validity to making the world *and ourselves* a little more green...
how can you become more green...
track two: the rainbow connection
growing up, i had a lot of lullabies. most of them dealt with love or rainbows, or both... "somewhere over the rainbow," "i can sing a rainbow," plus various others... but the one that sticks out is the rainbow connection by either the carpenters or kermit the frog... depending on the person asked :)
when you are a small child and scared of the dark or a bad dream *not that i ever was, but* a rainbow is a comforting thought. hearing a loved one singing about trying to find his/her own rainbows soothes any soul. the human element of a rainbow- the desire to understand why we are drawn to these illusions... there is a connection to rainbows
the concept of a rainbow is pretty miraculous. the light passing through water vapor at the most precise angle to project the visible light spectrum across the sky... that isn't one of those "it just so happens to work like that" occurrences- God is in that rainbow!
rainbows remind us of God's covenant with noah, His "permanent promise" to the earth (genesis 9). pretty cool that mr. kermit the frog sings about finding the rainbow connection... our God connection... despite the criticism of others!
there is an innocence in this song... a sense of wonder, amazement, even encouragement... there is an underlying feeling of hope- a will to be your own person and seek your own dreams and wishes... because God sent you a rainbow, and you have seen His glory in that rainbow. there is a forever connection to that rainbow, all rainbows.
the next time you see a rainbow, try to keep from smiling. you won't be able to do it! well, i suppose if you can look at God's symbol of provision and promise without smiling...
when you are a small child and scared of the dark or a bad dream *not that i ever was, but* a rainbow is a comforting thought. hearing a loved one singing about trying to find his/her own rainbows soothes any soul. the human element of a rainbow- the desire to understand why we are drawn to these illusions... there is a connection to rainbows
the concept of a rainbow is pretty miraculous. the light passing through water vapor at the most precise angle to project the visible light spectrum across the sky... that isn't one of those "it just so happens to work like that" occurrences- God is in that rainbow!
rainbows remind us of God's covenant with noah, His "permanent promise" to the earth (genesis 9). pretty cool that mr. kermit the frog sings about finding the rainbow connection... our God connection... despite the criticism of others!
there is an innocence in this song... a sense of wonder, amazement, even encouragement... there is an underlying feeling of hope- a will to be your own person and seek your own dreams and wishes... because God sent you a rainbow, and you have seen His glory in that rainbow. there is a forever connection to that rainbow, all rainbows.
the next time you see a rainbow, try to keep from smiling. you won't be able to do it! well, i suppose if you can look at God's symbol of provision and promise without smiling...
4.21.2008
track one: canon in d major
canon in d major composed by johann pachelbel... numero uno on the soundtrack of my life!! what a privilege :) there have been some great classical music pieces composed over the years, but this one piece seems to leave them all in the dust *personal opinion*
there is something awe inspiring by the complexity of the complete work... the busyness, yet beauty, of the complete work... and at the same time, the simplicity of individual parts... it is perplexing to say the least!
my mother thinks of canon in d as a family reunion :) the grandfather steps in as the constant bass followed by the grandmother. they exist in a beautiful, simple harmony-reflecting their place in life... their children come in and liven up the scene. the harmony is still there, just more fast paced... still relaxing, still beautiful... then the grandchildren take over- running and dancing all over the scale... the whole family creates a beautiful creation. as my mom explained this to me, she had a tear in her eye.
when i hear canon in d, i think of something different. i imagine Almighty God conducting the orchestra of creation. there are the constants... the ocean and the sunshine... there are the occasional flirtations of bird calls and frog chirps... there are the choral voices of His people... and so many other contributions to God's canon. how lucky i am to be included in His masterpiece...
as with all pieces of universally beautiful music, there are those who create personal takes on one of the greatest classical masterpieces ever written. my soundtrack will probably not have the "classic" canon in d (like what you hear at a wedding or a relaxing cd), but something more like this :) there is vivacity here... something atypical while construing the understood *i have a friend who says i like to stretch the mind... so consider yourself stretched but don't hold it against me* i hope it brought a smile to your face~
but this version of canon in d ties it all together for me! it is creation existing in perfect harmony... it is small pieces of life coming together to create the whole picture, regardless of their seemingly insignificant role. the Creator's canon could not be complete without them...
so, canon in d is my first track- reminding me that my life is to be lived in a way that reflects my role in creation... that i am part of something bigger!
there is something awe inspiring by the complexity of the complete work... the busyness, yet beauty, of the complete work... and at the same time, the simplicity of individual parts... it is perplexing to say the least!
my mother thinks of canon in d as a family reunion :) the grandfather steps in as the constant bass followed by the grandmother. they exist in a beautiful, simple harmony-reflecting their place in life... their children come in and liven up the scene. the harmony is still there, just more fast paced... still relaxing, still beautiful... then the grandchildren take over- running and dancing all over the scale... the whole family creates a beautiful creation. as my mom explained this to me, she had a tear in her eye.
when i hear canon in d, i think of something different. i imagine Almighty God conducting the orchestra of creation. there are the constants... the ocean and the sunshine... there are the occasional flirtations of bird calls and frog chirps... there are the choral voices of His people... and so many other contributions to God's canon. how lucky i am to be included in His masterpiece...
as with all pieces of universally beautiful music, there are those who create personal takes on one of the greatest classical masterpieces ever written. my soundtrack will probably not have the "classic" canon in d (like what you hear at a wedding or a relaxing cd), but something more like this :) there is vivacity here... something atypical while construing the understood *i have a friend who says i like to stretch the mind... so consider yourself stretched but don't hold it against me* i hope it brought a smile to your face~
but this version of canon in d ties it all together for me! it is creation existing in perfect harmony... it is small pieces of life coming together to create the whole picture, regardless of their seemingly insignificant role. the Creator's canon could not be complete without them...
so, canon in d is my first track- reminding me that my life is to be lived in a way that reflects my role in creation... that i am part of something bigger!
4.16.2008
"sing, sing a song"
recently, i moved my ipod speakers into the bathroom of our apartment........ for the acoustics-haha *totally kidding* no, i moved them in there so i could hear the music from any room in the apartment... showering, cooking, homeworking, etc... luhhve it~
i love music- i always have. i sang my first song at the age of 13 months... so it was more like a hummed/grunted "twinkle, twinkle" or "abcd" in very broke segments... i was on my mom's shoulders at disneyland... "the happiest place on earth." i guess that was an appropriate place to sing my first song, seeing as how my early years were spent watching disney princesses and learning to imitate their voices as i sang of their woes and joys... i have grown to appreciate different types of music and the expressive power music has over us... beyond a disney princess falling in love... beyond a star twinkling in the distance...
music is such a large part of me... i need to be near it... all the time! thus, the speakers have made their way into the bathroom of the apartment~
(in a high and mighty voice) "God's music is all hymns, modern praise, and contemporary christian music- except michael english because he is a horrible icon for christian music." NO, goodness no. i listen to a lot more than christian music... not knocking christian music *i own quite a bit myself and listen to even more* but i think God uses a variety of genres to speak to a variety of people. He can be found in most any musical genre...
i am going to be compiling a list of the songs of my soundtrack... limiting myself to 18. *hold me accountable* i will try to release a song everyday... and explain why each song is included in my soundtrack... and how it lines up with my role in God's story...
(from the title... do you know that song? takes you back, doesn't it? "sing/ sing a song/ sing out loud/ sing out strong/ sing of good times, not bad/ sing of happy, not sad... sing/ sing a song/ make it simple/ to last your whole life long... don't worry if it's not good enough/ for anyone else to hear/ just sing/ sing a song... la lah lah lalah lah/ la lah lah lalah lah/ la lah lah lalalah lah" makes you smile)
i love music- i always have. i sang my first song at the age of 13 months... so it was more like a hummed/grunted "twinkle, twinkle" or "abcd" in very broke segments... i was on my mom's shoulders at disneyland... "the happiest place on earth." i guess that was an appropriate place to sing my first song, seeing as how my early years were spent watching disney princesses and learning to imitate their voices as i sang of their woes and joys... i have grown to appreciate different types of music and the expressive power music has over us... beyond a disney princess falling in love... beyond a star twinkling in the distance...
music is such a large part of me... i need to be near it... all the time! thus, the speakers have made their way into the bathroom of the apartment~
while i was brushing my teeth a day or so ago, i had this thought... (this may seem like a blonde comment, but i will make it anyway) music serves as the soundtrack to our lives... *you can laugh- it is music; our lives our movies; great movies have great soundtracks... and that is just the way the cookie crumbles* but i ran with that- the whole day. what are the implications that our lives have a soundtrack? does the soundtrack have volumes for different decades? is there a title song on the soundtrack of my life? if i had to decide which songs were on my soundtrack... limited to a typical soundtrack song count... which songs would i pick? *good thing, i wasn't in class most of this day... huh? :)* i mean, the questions were never-ending and often overwhelming...
all because one song struck me as i brushed my teeth one thursday morning... one song. what song? mark schultz's "i am." which has nothing at all to do with songs or soundtracks or anything to do with the tangent thought cascade... the beauty of being a female and running away with things, eh? no, this is how it happened~
the song was on mental repeat most of the day. the more i thought about it and replayed certain lines, the more existential my thought process became. (existential is a strong psychological term... deep thinking, purpose seeking) particularly the end of the song: "yes, I Am Almighty God your Father/ the risen Son of Man/ the Healer of the broken/ and when you cry I Am/ your Savior and Redeemer/ who bore the sins of man/ the Author and Perfecter/ Beginning and the End/ I Am."
and the last "I Am" sparked some thoughts from louie giglio's i am not but i know I AM *phenomenal, a must read... strike that, must have* how it is God's story, not mine... and then i wondered if my music choices reflected that it was God's story... if my soundtrack from life lined up with His... "ponder"(in a high and mighty voice) "God's music is all hymns, modern praise, and contemporary christian music- except michael english because he is a horrible icon for christian music." NO, goodness no. i listen to a lot more than christian music... not knocking christian music *i own quite a bit myself and listen to even more* but i think God uses a variety of genres to speak to a variety of people. He can be found in most any musical genre...
i am going to be compiling a list of the songs of my soundtrack... limiting myself to 18. *hold me accountable* i will try to release a song everyday... and explain why each song is included in my soundtrack... and how it lines up with my role in God's story...
(from the title... do you know that song? takes you back, doesn't it? "sing/ sing a song/ sing out loud/ sing out strong/ sing of good times, not bad/ sing of happy, not sad... sing/ sing a song/ make it simple/ to last your whole life long... don't worry if it's not good enough/ for anyone else to hear/ just sing/ sing a song... la lah lah lalah lah/ la lah lah lalah lah/ la lah lah lalalah lah" makes you smile)
focus pyramid
have you ever made a focus pyramid? put your thumbs together like a field goal post... now put your pointer fingers together... *you have now made what looks like a hersey kiss, but its official name is the focus pyramid* okay... now that that is out of the way, here we go~
i have had a stressful week... my last round of undergrad tests before finals, trying to line up shadowing opportunities to complete stuff for grad school after several unsuccessful attempts to line up a paying clinical experience job, plus some external "drama" (i absolutely love drama) has made life difficult this week... i mean, don't get me wrong. i still have the happiest heart and biggest smile on my face :-) * BECAUSE... heheh* i'm just carrying some tension around in my right shoulder- my "back-pack buddy" (aka stress) if you will... we've been hanging out for almost a week- i usually like hanging out- but it has gotten to be too much. so i told him to hit the road, and i hit the gym.
you know how occasionally we know exactly what to do when we have something wrong going on... and how we know exactly what we should do to solve our problem... and how we put off doing what we know will relieve us of our problem because we are too busy trying to find another way of solving said problem... and how we moan and groan and avoid doing exactly what we should do so that we can say we moaned and groaned and complained until we had this bright idea to solve it... by doing what we knew to do all along... do you have any idea of what i am talking about? maybe??
because in all that "blah" of stress and frustration that i have felt this past week, i knew that i needed to listen to some solid music while running on a treadmill or throwing some dumbbells around. i knew what i needed to do... i just "didn't have time" or "needed a nap" or "had to run errands" or some other lame-O excuse that kept me from being where i needed to be...
have you ever been in that boat? i'm gonna guess that you have, because i think it is part of being human... reluctance to do the inevitable- an inevitable that will bring us more satisfaction and well being than anything we do otherwise...
kind of a common sense factor, kind of an inward motivation, kind of a "hey what the heck to you think you can accomplish without doing this" moment... could it be a Spirit thing?
frankly, i know God talks to me like that... "hey, what in the world are you doing? what are you thinking... oh, I see, you aren't thinking!! actually, you are thinking withOUT Me! *strong element of sarcasm between God and me* well, why don't We fix this and get Our brains working again. I'll tell you what We're going to do: you are going to put on your tennis shoes and I am going to make a beautiful day and We are going out." (or something along those lines... sometimes i get to run/lift weights, sometimes i get to go for a walk, sometimes i get to drive into the mountains just to regain perspective on how insignificant i am) it's like i'm on a leash regardless of the activity... being led around campus or across town or into another town... all the while remembering that i am weak and i am small.
which makes my problems even smaller...
i can handle any problem with the right attitude :)
i have had a stressful week... my last round of undergrad tests before finals, trying to line up shadowing opportunities to complete stuff for grad school after several unsuccessful attempts to line up a paying clinical experience job, plus some external "drama" (i absolutely love drama) has made life difficult this week... i mean, don't get me wrong. i still have the happiest heart and biggest smile on my face :-) * BECAUSE... heheh* i'm just carrying some tension around in my right shoulder- my "back-pack buddy" (aka stress) if you will... we've been hanging out for almost a week- i usually like hanging out- but it has gotten to be too much. so i told him to hit the road, and i hit the gym.
you know how occasionally we know exactly what to do when we have something wrong going on... and how we know exactly what we should do to solve our problem... and how we put off doing what we know will relieve us of our problem because we are too busy trying to find another way of solving said problem... and how we moan and groan and avoid doing exactly what we should do so that we can say we moaned and groaned and complained until we had this bright idea to solve it... by doing what we knew to do all along... do you have any idea of what i am talking about? maybe??
because in all that "blah" of stress and frustration that i have felt this past week, i knew that i needed to listen to some solid music while running on a treadmill or throwing some dumbbells around. i knew what i needed to do... i just "didn't have time" or "needed a nap" or "had to run errands" or some other lame-O excuse that kept me from being where i needed to be...
have you ever been in that boat? i'm gonna guess that you have, because i think it is part of being human... reluctance to do the inevitable- an inevitable that will bring us more satisfaction and well being than anything we do otherwise...
kind of a common sense factor, kind of an inward motivation, kind of a "hey what the heck to you think you can accomplish without doing this" moment... could it be a Spirit thing?
frankly, i know God talks to me like that... "hey, what in the world are you doing? what are you thinking... oh, I see, you aren't thinking!! actually, you are thinking withOUT Me! *strong element of sarcasm between God and me* well, why don't We fix this and get Our brains working again. I'll tell you what We're going to do: you are going to put on your tennis shoes and I am going to make a beautiful day and We are going out." (or something along those lines... sometimes i get to run/lift weights, sometimes i get to go for a walk, sometimes i get to drive into the mountains just to regain perspective on how insignificant i am) it's like i'm on a leash regardless of the activity... being led around campus or across town or into another town... all the while remembering that i am weak and i am small.
which makes my problems even smaller...
i can handle any problem with the right attitude :)
4.12.2008
"always wild"
have you ever had the desire to paint your nails a color you really don't expect to like? say you usually wear more muted tones and then jump to hot pink or fire-engine red... what do you do?
you know if you put on the bright color you will be satisfying the need for danger or risk or even rebellion...maybe it is a longing for freedom... however, you also know the bright color will eventually make you want to vomit if you look at it long enough. so again, what do you do?
take me for example, i am a neutral girl from the word go. i usually don't like to draw attention to myself... my toes and fingers especially. i would prefer people's eyes staying on mine not wandering my being :) i prefer the "buff's" and the "palest pinks' and the "clear's." if i am feeling dashing or daring, i go with a "platinum" (an iridescent hue of pink fading into flesh... the "dare element" stemes from the iridescent green that is reflected from certain angles of light... haha) but i have learned i can't do the boldness of reds and pinks and mauves and that kinda stuff...
before a knee surgery in the fall of last year, one of my dearest friends decided i needed to become a more spontaneous individual... i was kinda bummed out after suffering a season ending injury and had decided to play along in hopes of a good laugh and fun memory. she decided we would highlight my hair and paint my toenails hot, bright, electric pink... (kinda getting queasy remembering this one)
so we did (laughter, photography, and memory-making)... i went all out... first time high-lighting my hair, first time hot pink toenails, *two days later* first time going home to show my mother my new spontaneous self... i gave her a little forewarning about my appearance before i stepped in the door *smart move there!!* her greeting as i walked in the door "erin, your hair doesn't look bad, but we have got to do something about those toes!" not "hey sweet baby- how was the drive?" but "you don't look bad, but your toes?!?!" i knew i had let her down by giving into the world of ostentatious toe polish... i mean, i didn't even like the nauseating shade of pink screaming obscenities at the world from my toenails, BUT they were a symbol of my own willingness to try something new and stake a claim on spontaneity.
i stuck it out for three days. the hair lasted a little longer, as it was permanent hair dye, but the toes lost out to a more toned down version of pink *still louder than normal* that being said, they haven't been that bright in a long time...
today, i had this longing (maybe a craving) to paint my toes some bright and obnoxious color. the color up for job..."always wild." haha :)) if you know me, you know wild neVer describes me... so i am stuck... so appealing to my eyes, so against it in my head...
do you ever feel that way? do you ever want to do something daring and spontaneous and out of character only to realize that it makes no sense and has no application to your dreams in life? does your lack of acting on impulses make you a boring fun-sucker? what happens if you decide to act on impulse and be spontaneous in a sophomoric way? actually, what happens when you realize that your head was right all along and your reward for being impulsive was simply regret? are you likely to fall into impulsive behavior? are you tempted by the bright toenail polish again despite previous disappointment?
my answer to these today is... yes, yes, no, "doh" (from the v8 commercials), repeat "doh," sometimes, no. it doesn't make me a fun-sucker or a boring person if i don't act in impulsive ways. i can be the life of the party without living an out of control lifestyle. it is important for us to know that we an be fun without being stupid! which is where the "doh's" join us... the "der der blondie's" as they are sometimes called... we know when we have made the wrong decision... be the big person and learn from it! am i tempted- probably. will i do it again- probably not...
my temptations in life are bigger than "always wild" toenail polish. i have type 1 diabetes... i am tempted with every single piece of food you can imagine! i have found, though, that when i am able to recognize other forms of temptation, i am more willing to admit food is also a temptation- to claim even more weakness in myself... times like this i cling to 1 corinthians 10:12&13- that God is faithful and He will provide a way out...
i decided to go with "always sheer buff." it is a new yet familiar shade... my typical flavor... giving into monotony... but you know what? it never, neVer disappoints :)
you know if you put on the bright color you will be satisfying the need for danger or risk or even rebellion...maybe it is a longing for freedom... however, you also know the bright color will eventually make you want to vomit if you look at it long enough. so again, what do you do?
take me for example, i am a neutral girl from the word go. i usually don't like to draw attention to myself... my toes and fingers especially. i would prefer people's eyes staying on mine not wandering my being :) i prefer the "buff's" and the "palest pinks' and the "clear's." if i am feeling dashing or daring, i go with a "platinum" (an iridescent hue of pink fading into flesh... the "dare element" stemes from the iridescent green that is reflected from certain angles of light... haha) but i have learned i can't do the boldness of reds and pinks and mauves and that kinda stuff...
before a knee surgery in the fall of last year, one of my dearest friends decided i needed to become a more spontaneous individual... i was kinda bummed out after suffering a season ending injury and had decided to play along in hopes of a good laugh and fun memory. she decided we would highlight my hair and paint my toenails hot, bright, electric pink... (kinda getting queasy remembering this one)
so we did (laughter, photography, and memory-making)... i went all out... first time high-lighting my hair, first time hot pink toenails, *two days later* first time going home to show my mother my new spontaneous self... i gave her a little forewarning about my appearance before i stepped in the door *smart move there!!* her greeting as i walked in the door "erin, your hair doesn't look bad, but we have got to do something about those toes!" not "hey sweet baby- how was the drive?" but "you don't look bad, but your toes?!?!" i knew i had let her down by giving into the world of ostentatious toe polish... i mean, i didn't even like the nauseating shade of pink screaming obscenities at the world from my toenails, BUT they were a symbol of my own willingness to try something new and stake a claim on spontaneity.
i stuck it out for three days. the hair lasted a little longer, as it was permanent hair dye, but the toes lost out to a more toned down version of pink *still louder than normal* that being said, they haven't been that bright in a long time...
today, i had this longing (maybe a craving) to paint my toes some bright and obnoxious color. the color up for job..."always wild." haha :)) if you know me, you know wild neVer describes me... so i am stuck... so appealing to my eyes, so against it in my head...
do you ever feel that way? do you ever want to do something daring and spontaneous and out of character only to realize that it makes no sense and has no application to your dreams in life? does your lack of acting on impulses make you a boring fun-sucker? what happens if you decide to act on impulse and be spontaneous in a sophomoric way? actually, what happens when you realize that your head was right all along and your reward for being impulsive was simply regret? are you likely to fall into impulsive behavior? are you tempted by the bright toenail polish again despite previous disappointment?
my answer to these today is... yes, yes, no, "doh" (from the v8 commercials), repeat "doh," sometimes, no. it doesn't make me a fun-sucker or a boring person if i don't act in impulsive ways. i can be the life of the party without living an out of control lifestyle. it is important for us to know that we an be fun without being stupid! which is where the "doh's" join us... the "der der blondie's" as they are sometimes called... we know when we have made the wrong decision... be the big person and learn from it! am i tempted- probably. will i do it again- probably not...
my temptations in life are bigger than "always wild" toenail polish. i have type 1 diabetes... i am tempted with every single piece of food you can imagine! i have found, though, that when i am able to recognize other forms of temptation, i am more willing to admit food is also a temptation- to claim even more weakness in myself... times like this i cling to 1 corinthians 10:12&13- that God is faithful and He will provide a way out...
i decided to go with "always sheer buff." it is a new yet familiar shade... my typical flavor... giving into monotony... but you know what? it never, neVer disappoints :)
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