your real life

at the request of my dear family and friends, i am returning to life here in the blog world... i guess it is for me mostly (if i am going to be honest with everyone) i have a list of things that i need to move from brain waves to thoughts, then to letters, then to words, and on to phrases- things that are weighing heavily on me right now- things that are best thought about when translated into the 2 dimensional realm where the spinning/flipping/contorting charade of abstraction and over-inspection is all but destroyed... that is what needs to happen- are you ready? am i ready?

uhm, not quite... i just finished my last diet mountain dew for a while (i realized the other day after drinking maybe seven cans that i had a problem... the best way to solve this problem for me is quitting cold turkey... i already have a headache!) i also just got home from my last exam of 2009 (PTL hallelujarh) and need to go put on something that is not 'professional' aka SWEATPANTS!

oh, it is so refreshing to be in an elastic waistband :) why is that you think?

you know what else is refreshing-- a long, hot shower. i decided to purchase a new shower head for my master bathroom that isn't really mine :) the one i was using had been there for five years and had a little discoloration oozing from its pores... that and there was something i read about shower heads made in the last two years are somehow green in that they diminish the amount of water needed to shower... i don't know... i was just trying to avoid cleaning the shower head i suppose... anyway, i went to some hardware store and came out with a new piece of hardware!

*sidetrack... you know how girls stereotypically choose sports teams based on color schemes and uniform design? well, i am not that girl. i like the teams that i am supposed to like... tarheels, panthers, hurricanes, hornets, braves/orioles... with the exception of the cincinnati bengals (i like their helmets... and uniforms... and carson palmer) and the oregon ducks (i like their green/yellow/black color scheme... and their mascot... and their uniforms with the cool dot pattern over the shoulder pads) but, yeah... i pull for talent and smart play calling and smart play making... not the jawbones, gluteal shape, or salaries of the athletes. sometimes it is all about the packaging and sometimes it is about the name. neither one of those things really apply to this story in a direct fashion, but there is a connection somewhere... let's get back on track*

so i walked out with a new and clean attachment to make my daily hygiene ritual more eco-friendly. i chose this particular model because it matched my bathroom and it boasted 8 possible settings to provide the maximum shower experience. they call it a spa head. who needs 8 settings for a shower? that thought didn't really pass through my mind until i was driving home... i bought a product based on wrapping and slogan and name... typical female... ugh. see, that is... well... that is like having 8 different pillows or 8 different air fresheners in your house just to provide variety (serious internal conflict going on... i can and do have disagreements with myself) but, back to the question of who needs 8 settings?!?!

apparently- i do :) i love that little shower head because it has 8 different settings... no, not really- let me explain.

at my parent's other house- the house of wisdom, reason, and spend-thriftiness- the three girls share the cutest little bathroom and shower. that shower head has 3 different settings- which is incredibly appropriate since there are three girls. my youngest sister likes the weak stream that feels like you are standing in the rain- you know the kind that barely makes it out of the faucet head: trickle, trickle, droooohooop. it works for her; she comes out clean. it doesn't work for me... at all... which is where my 8 options reappear!


i was thinking about this while showering the other day... how life is full of our preferences, personalization options, idealized settings to meet our individual criterion for comfort... think about it. what are you wearing right now? why? what is the color of the wrapping paper under your tree? why? when you drive in your car, why is there a completely different thermostat control for ever seat? why are your walls painted that color? *none of the answers really matter, it was just a thought*

while the water pounded on and around me, i played with those 8 settings. *i know you all wish you had the time to play with all the shower head options... you probably all wish you could still sleep in pink rollers and wake up like shirley temple on sunday mornings... or split your face into quadrants to decide which foundation matched your skin tone during this pale season... or reorganize your closet to make sure all of your shoes and clothes still fit in that space... i was procrastinating to avoid studying* i imagined each setting as its own color, its own flavor, its own texture, its own sound... i decided i liked my original setting the best- the one that felt like hurricane force rain pelting my body surface with is mystic, silvery blue beads which tasted like sunshine and ice mixed together with crispy freshness that almost burned. there was a level of intentionality and degree of purpose in that stream- something that was missing in the both of which were lacking in my other options.

i was thinking really hard about this, and i was trying to figure out why i was thinking so hard about this... you have any ideas?

i came to the conclusion that i was missing that degree of purpose and intentionality... i was stuck in a spa mode that i didn't like. it was a peaceful, yellow, serene stream of life that whispered "don't make a splash, don't rock the boat" and tasted like marshmallow creme... it wasn't what i wanted. i wasn't happy with my efforts to shower the world. i was blending in with the feel-good greens and want-to-be-happy reds... i was lost in the flowers and freshly baked pies... i was overwhelmed by quiet streams and chinese gong bells. my waters were mixing into the "make the world happy" soup bowl of self-serving, self-saving people and i had to get out.

there is always a fear of growing complacent. as i grow older, this fear becomes reality more quickly than it did when i was going places and dreaming dreams of ambitious youth. when is it that we realize that this is life- we have finally arrived to the place where the majority of our dreams have passed us by and those that didn't rush past, those that chose to take flight, have landed us here... a place where we may not feel completely satisfied- where we are both enthused and nauseated to settle and stay... so for a while we do plant our feet... until the urge to uproot is too strong to ignore. i guess that's where i am today. i suppose you can say i am ridding myself of the distaste that caused me to unknowingly settle in a land of yellow and marshmallow creme...

that may be the hardest thing about it all... unknowingly... subconsciously, if any consciousness is involved at all... that is how we arrive at complacency for the most part. you know?

in an effort to fight the risk for a life plagued by complacent periods, i am committing the entire third chapter of colossians to memory. you should read it the next time you get a chance. i really like the nlt version, but you can read whatever you have. the power of Word of God isn't dependent upon its version or binding!

i'm going to wrap it up now... this is entirely too long... the title of this post is "your real life" which is taken from colossians 3. paul describes a real life hidden with God in Christ... a real life that is completely different than regular life... a new nature that has replaced the grimy, unclean nature of old... a new nature that is consistently being renewed as we learn more about Christ! -i am going to have to get into this a little later-

it isn't about how clean you are on the outside or which stream of water pours over you... it is about intentionality and purpose and desire... it isn't about personal preferences or anal-retentive tendencies... it is about focus and a teachable attitude... it isn't always about you and what makes you comfortable [erin]... your life, your real life, is about something much, much larger and your regular life should reflect that!