as i work and wait

here's the other song on my heart tonight... because it would be unfair to leave it out :)


i wanna stay here in this place
resting in Your everlasting arms
there's nothing as great as
praising Your name
lifting up the name of Jesus Christ
as i behold Your wondrous love
i will forever glorify the King of heaven
its my joy, my life, to praise Your name
nothing could ever separate me
from the love i've found in You
i bless Your name

i realize i stole a line from the previous post, but i think it is totally appicable to this post as well... maybe that is why my heart has these songs playing at the same time... hmmm...

but really, how exciting is it that that is true? forever my joy, my life... good times right there :)

i am finding out the greatness

it is late, and there is homework to be done... yet here i sit, posting a blog, with my 20lb book on my lap. my eyes are tired from the week's reading, my voice is all but gone with a cold on the way, and i am pretty sure my brain has packed itself up for the week *since i thought 4 from 5 was 0* but it isn't, hahah, it is 1 :) regardless of all of that, i have a smile on my face... i got some amazing news today in the mail... a doctor's note... a good *strike that* a miraculous report that my body is sill working like a fine tuned machine :)

and it is all God's amazing hand of protection once again covering my life...

God's gifts and miracles... we say that they come to us on sale racks, as a dozen free donuts, as rock-star parking spots... we behold them as foggy mountain sunrises, changing leaves of the season, the first snow of the year... we hear them in the laughs of children, the chirp of a cricket, the trickle of a stream... and we overlook the majority of life's miracles and their reflection of a truly magnificent Creator. maybe i haven't done an adequate job......

i have been looking for a song online... one that you can listen to and understand the 'status' of my soul... but i can't find a version that resonates... i am posting the lyrics in hopes that you may have some free time to pull out an old hymnal and sing

Jesus i am resting, resting
in the joy of what Thou art;
i am finding out the greatness
of Thy loving heart.
Thou hast bid me gaze upon Thee, and Thy beauty fills my soul, for by Thy transforming power Thou hast made me whole. o how great Thy loving kindness. vaster, broader than the sea! o how marvellous Thy goodness, lavished all on me! yes, i rest in Thee, Beloved, know but wealth of grace is thine Thy certainty of promise, and have made it mine.
Jesus, i am resting, resting
in the joy of what Thou art;
i am finding out the greatness
of Thy loving heart.
simply trusting Thee, Lord Jesus, i behold Thee as Thou art, and Thy love, so pure, so changeless, satisfies my heart; satisfies its deepest longings, meets supplies its every need, and surrounds me with its blessings; Thine is love indeed!
Jesus, i am resting, resting
in the joy of what Thou art;
i am finding out the greatness
of Thy loving heart.
ever lift Thy face upon me, as i work and wait for Thee; resting beneath Thy smile, Lord Jesus, earth's dark shadows flee. brightness of my Father's glory, sunshine of my Father's face... keep me ever trusting, resting; fill me with Thy grace.

Jesus, i am resting, resting
in the joy of what Thou art;
i am finding out the greatness
of Thy loving heart.

the longest relationship of my life

if you want to take that literally, i was four... his name was grant. i kissed him every day in preschool for at least a year, maybe two... i don't remember, because i was only four. but i am pretty sure i was a good girlfriend because i made him a plastic meal when he came home from work with his guy friends. it was an intense relationship... possibly unhealthy... but i was four... so we are going to let that go...

point of the story, i celebrated my 15 year anniversary today...

it isn't really a celebratory hoo-rah party kinda deal. it isn't even 'send a card' occasion. maybe it is a 'rent a movie and watch it at 2 in the morning' party... or a 'go volunteer on the children's wing of the hospital and tell all the new diabetic kids that its gonna be okay and their lives aren't ruined forever' day *i am going to have to do that soon* but yeah, today is my 15th consecutive year in a hard-core relationship with artificial insulin... a hormone of foreign rDNA origin with a displaced amino acid somewhere in its beta-chain, around 28 think... and i am happy to say that i think we have another happy 15 years together... hahaha :)) *find the humor, please* warrants another laugh, hahaha... point-blank- without insulin, my life would have ended a long time ago.

and that is when i had this light-bulb go off in my subconscious... as much as insulin saved my life 15 years ago, i wouldn't be alive if it weren't for a different day... more momentous than any other... june 18 one nine nine five... Jesus saved me that day. it may not be the longest, but it is by far the most important... can you say the same thing?

a heart that aims to please

i came here to reflect today...
God knew where i was going after "laying in bed" prayers for the morning, a chick-fil-a biscuit from my dad, and a home-brewed cup of tea... He knew i was headed here to do something more than i usually do... i was coming to identify with my sunny self, my authentic self, the self that seems absent early this morning...
and you know what i found *with huge help from one of my dearest and wisest friends* my self-stated purpose... a bigger than this moment purpose... "a heart that aims to please the One to whom it belongs."
on the happiest of days, the toughest of days, the safe-earth shattering days, the days i realize i am not as strong as i thought i was, the days i don't feel prepared to face, the days i was created to live out exactly as i have, today, the days to come... "i exist to bring glory to my Savior"
MY Savior who always holds me, always protects me, and always finds a way to guide me to a sunny place... i love that, ps.
i am not here to get it all right. i am not here to prove that i can do it. i am not here to be above the struggles i am supposed to face. i am here to please my God and bring glory to my Savior... the simple, wonderful, and mighty reason to live... the best reason to live... my reason to live my life to the best of my ability...