snow, weathermen, texts and GOD!

i should be doing something else right now... most definitely... like driving to work on the somewhat icy roads or folding a load of laundry that just jumped out of my dryer for what seems like the thousandth time this weekend- but i needed to do something different. i needed to write. i desperately needed the cathartic experience of openly sharing my feelings and thoughts. with the options of writing a letter and blogging, you can see which one i chose.

we are heading out of a winter-weather filled weekend... on friday night, it was supposed to start snowing here in north carolina. i had been graced with driving in a "snow storm" on my way home from concord earlier in the day. i was so excited. i knew we were going to have some "accumulation" and my heart loves that white stuff (i'm telling you, i am five years old in my heart). it is sticking to the median and the bridges and the roofs of nearby houses... and it starts sticking to the roads!!! i am getting pumped to get home and watch it fall from the safety of my house... particularly in front of my fireplace :) so i pull off 485 to head home and there is nothing on the ground. NOTHING! in fact, the sky doesn't even look like snow!! i had a passenger with me at the time... he was pretty bummed out that he had to leave a friends house- where it was building up in the grass- to come home to no snow. i was trying to be optimistic and tell him it was going to be okay, but inside *not that deep down inside, but the most superficial inside* i felt the same way... it was like the line for snow was drawn by that stinking corridor. snow on this half, NOT on this half *insert hand gestures as you will*

i tried to contain my anger and frustration once i got home... i tried really hard. at the same time, my brain knew that other people were getting snow- and i was "myahd" *aka mad*

i texted my mom before i went to bed... "i am going to wake up to a snow covered world." she replied, "how do you know that little one?" *funny because i am a lot bigger than she is :)* and i said... get this... "because the weatherman told me so" (if that isn't a five year old talking... if that isn't a picture of naivete) as soon as i hit send, God knocked down my spiritual door... He had a message for me...

*dang, i love messages... especially right now*

this is how it went: "erin, dear, what did you just say? did you put your faith in the hands of the weatherman? the weatherman? *He smiled* because you have seen the snow today, you know that it is coming... and it is coming... but when I tell you that I love you- that I am watching over and holding you- do you believe ME with the same simple faith? when I whisper MY promise of goodness to you, are your ears as open to MY loving voice? have you not experienced MY love, MY hands of protection, MY voice of promise? is it so much less than the snow? have I become that small to you? am I so much less than the weatherman in this season of your life? erin, my love, do you think we should, maybe, change that? because I would like to..."

*man*

maybe your faith hasn't been laid in the hands of the weatherman..... maybe your eyes are still opened to all the mighty works of God and your heart knows that He is behind, in, and around everything you see... maybe your ears are perked to his every whisper and faintest movement... maybe you- your eyes, your ears, your heart- maybe you have fallen asleep. i had. and i had known that i had long before i set in for a snowy night...

i spent the past two weeks trying to wake myself up... i prayed, i praised, i asked others to pray, prayed and praised some more... i gave some things back that i had taken away in selfish and faithless moments of weakness... i think i am still giving more away to never take back...

so, it took more than snow, the weatherman, and a text message to get me to the point where i could hear GOD... it takes more than that to get to a point where i can feel God... it will take a lot more than that to get me away from God~