blissing or blessing or bothing

this is a post from my other blog, but i wanted to share it with you today... just because i like to switch it up every so often... and i am busy writing a 13 page lit review and 5 page reflective essay...

we were talking about the four life signals people can experience- blissed, blessed, perturbed, and dissed in my health care issues class.

i am going to go out on a limb and combine two life signals into one. i think they are both simultaneously applicable to my life. i have become absorbed in something bigger than myself *blissed* but beyond that, i have realized that i have been provided with an extraordinary privilege and calling *blessed* therefore, i think i am blissed beyond blessed.

i think as human beings we strive to attain greatness, some worldly form of recognition, some degree of fame within our own circles and perhaps beyond them. greatness-- as in wealth, fame, power, prestige-- has lost its luster for me. when asked what i wanted to be when i grew up as a teenager, i simply said, "i want to be important." i didn't mean that i wanted to make my signature worth thousands of dollars or carry the power of the president of the united states; no, i wanted to make a difference. i wanted my life to count. i wanted to leave my mark... i also wanted to drive a yellow h2, own a respectable home with a separate room for my shoes, get married right after college, have my first child by age 25, coach little league soccer, and retire by 55 to a rocking chair on the wrap-around porch that could track the sun across the sky... the good news is i still want to leave a mark on this world- just not my own...

with the family, friends, opportunities, graces, talents, and attitude i have been given, i know i am blessed. i know that i have been created for a reason. i grew up in a family that rooted me in scriptures and watered me with love and support. i am so thankful for the way my parents chose to raise us... i know, because of their tender and careful parenting, that i have been molded to do great things in life. for that reason, i am blessed...

blessed also in that i have been welcomed into the family of God through the incredible sacrifice of Jesus Christ. blessed that i have given my entire life to the service of my Savior. His desires for my life are my life's goals. i do not live for myself... i do not seek to get ahead, make a profit, or prove anything. i exist to bring my Father and His Son glory- there is this great song *that i cannot find online and link for you to hear* but one of the verses that SO resonates with my heart this day says "Lord according to Your plan, You created every man, just to glorify You and bless Your name forevermore." if i don't do a single thing with my life other than that, it'd be okay with me. i am just a "little i" in the story of I AM :)

i am blissed because i know my life is insignificant in the grand scheme of things... blessed that i know God and that He, the God of the universe, has created me for a purpose that is larger than anything i could have dreamed up on my own. i am truly blissed beyond blessed because i know both are true!

can you say the same thing? blissed beyond blessed...

can you say it three times fast :)

the "my" challenge

i am not teaching sunday school this month... as a class, we are taking a month to focus on biblical budgeting and attaining financial freedom *pretty great timing for that, huh... beyond the in college/recent grad status and being up to our eyeballs in debt :)* we were issued a challenge on sunday... it is thursday, and i have failed horribly... it didn't even take three days- pretty sure i didn't last 60 hours...

the challenge- deposit a nickel into a jar every time you say the word "my" for the week. why? to bring home a fairly significant point= GOD owns it all. we are merely stewards of what God has entrusted to us. every time i claim ownership by saying "my _____" i am defying principle numero uno. it isn't really mine...

as a little kid, i was very possessive. my little sisters had this great habit of putting my "little people" in their mouths... playing with my baby dolls without putting them back in their assigned cribs... taking one of my 14 goldfish (i counted out my serving sizes like a good little diabetic child) main thing is, i liked my things to stay mine! i learned how to share during my college years... no lie~

*i owe 40 cents for that one paragraph, ps*

is it stealing from God's ownership when we appoint ourselves as masters over things of importance in life? i don't really know...

things like my hands, my head, my face, my hair, my heart, my eyes, my body... those are entrusted to me. my car, my house, my job, my responsibilities... those are not really mine. my choices, my dreams, my decisions, my ideas, my hopes- they aren't mine either. it gets really deep, really fast.

*that's a dollar thirty... that's a meal at mickey d's for a grad student :)*

God owns it all; i am merely a steward of what He has entrusted to me; i don't own any of it... that is the lesson here.

try it the rest of the week. had i not just cleaned the car out of all of the change i had collected over the past 6 mos, i would still be participating in this exercise... take the money you collect and put it in savings... all one dollar and thirty cents of it :)

... or go to your favorite dollar menu :)

Your nearness is to us our good

i was restocking the towel closet in the master bathroom last night. i was weaving my way through the mazes of doors that are seemingly without purpose. i was on track, doing good work, being productive... and then i wasn't. i was mesmerized by something happening outside the window. it was a view for the ages

the grass was dead and the trees were sprigs of leafless life... i doubt the color palate would have changed at all had all the colors been removed- gray and black, not even a little bit of white. "erin, how were you mesmerized by THAT?" it is a very valid question... the sky, my friend, was full of brilliant colors- the total opposite of the organic material beneath it- as the radiant, life-supporting sun was setting. the few clouds that were in the sky at the time were gently sweeping behind the dead trees. i sat down on the edge of the bathtub and watched... and listened... my Jesus was reading me a picture book...

*i love picture books... the story can change with every new read, you know. it requires imagination from the viewer. it requires an element of faith to see if the next page will continue to support the story line. so young and childish, very much at my level last night* so as Jesus read to me, i sat and soaked in every word-

my heart was singing this song all weekend. (get it loading on your computer pronto) it was more than the nearness of God last night; it was more than Him holding me in His hand. i heard His heartbeat and felt His breath as He brushed His face against me on the edge of that bathtub...

i have grown a lot in the past two weeks... grown down and around and now growing up (not adulthood, but vertical growth) still in the same position as the previous post... still claiming Christ's strength through my personal weakness... tears still streaming sometimes, but i have a smile bursting inside my heart because i have felt it... i have felt "I AM" at work *after i hadn't felt Him in a long time* and i was allowed to see it yesterday *after i hadn't seen Him in a long time* through dusty blinds and a streaked window...

part of me wishes the grass would stay dead and the leaves would remain hidden in their buds... i kinda wish the dust would stay on the blinds and the window would stay streaked with cleaning residue and grime... to gain greater appreciation of the life-giving power of the Son... you know what i mean? here are the lyrics to that song, ps~

You are all, big and small, beautiful
and wonderful, to trust in grace through faith
but i'm asking to taste...

for dark is light to You... depths are height to You
far is near, but Lord, i need to hear from You

be near, oh God... be near, oh God of us
Your nearness is to us our good
be near, oh God... be near, oh God of us
Your nearness is to us our good, our good

Your fullness is mine, revelation divine
but, o, to taste to know much more than a page
to feel Your embrace...

for dark is light to You, the depths are height to You
far is near, but Lord, i need to hear from You

be near, oh God... be near, oh God of us
Your nearness is to us our good
be near, oh God... be near, oh God of us
Your nearness is to us our good, our good

the richness of those words, man, it gives me goosebumps :)

enjoy the sunshine~