my radio would like you to know its time for Christmas music :)

don't even give me "it isn't even october yet" mess because christmas break is 75 days away and that is close enough for me...

if you had to choose between fire or water?

some of you may have been pulling for wind, power, or heart (captain planet) but the choices are water or fire... if we are talking meat, i am going with the fire of a grill. if we are talking swimming, i am opting to take a dive into the water... neither are the cause for the question today. so, which would you choose?

the other day i heard something that was mind-boggling to me... "if you find yourself sitting on the couch crying for no reason in the coming months, don't worry- it is completely normal."

uhm, number one: i grew up in a "crying never fixes anything" environment. *pretty sure i mentioned that before, but...* number two: the day i heard this, i was more worried about the up-coming tests concerning the material i was supposed to have learned over the summer. nobody was worried about the 'other' tests. number three: did i mention that crying doesn't fix anything in my mind? and when i do cry i really have to stop and assess if it is even worth it...

that was almost a month ago, so i figure i am getting close to the major couch breakdown. i find myself standing at the base of a swelling wave that has to fall on me with its crushing weight in the coming days... it is just that real...

also as real is the feeling of my feet trapped in really wet sand... like cement sand... and i think i am supposed to be swallowed by this massive mountain of water because my feet really cannot move... at all... i am pretty much stuck with this overwhelming feeling... trapped by my own volition... looking for some hot sauce so i can chew my own feet off and hobble away *movie reference there- mucho cool points if you get it :)*

and it isn't because i doubt God's ability to rescue my cemented ankles and shadow feet... and it isn't because i am doubting God's will for me to be where i am right now...

how do things build up so quickly?

i was also told in the days leading up to the start of pa school to *serious word for word here* "hold my nose and breathe in the fire spout." now, i don't really think i need to go through the numbers here on the wrongness of that quote *good word there, wrongness* but you DO NOT breathe in FIRE!!! it scalds your innards...

and yet here i am... suffering from my first *of many* episode of burnt lung... and that is where the tears come in... even though they are salty, they are wet *and loaded with antibodies* and to my dehydrated and burnt membranes, these tears provide relief... for once, crying is doing some good... the fire, however, is definitely leaving its mark on my memory though :)

*disclaimer... the above mentioned statements are more metaphorical illustrations of my emotions at this point and do not adequately, nor rationally, describe my present physical state*

BUT, in other happy news, chris tomlin has a new cd out that is pretty amazing... i would strongly suggest making that purchase ($9 on itunes right now, cheaper than the stores)

"blessing and honor, glory and power unto our Lord"