track seven: ... is a three way tie

let's do a quick recap of the first six songs:

1. canon in d
2. the rainbow connection
3. my tribute
4. 2 legit 2 quit
5. bottom of the barrel
6. the star spangled banner

one third down, two thirds to go! *yikes* it still seems overwhelming... but on we trek~

track seven is quite reflective of my present musical mood... which is quite fitting in and of itself i guess... but to further explain things, i am on a southern gospel kick right now.

having been raised in the south for my entire life *big ptl there* i have grown up singing something with a little twang here and there... from family harmonies squeezing out four parts *with five people* to the country church singing "sweet aroma of praise," i have fond memories in the southern gospel sub-genre.

which makes this really hard... i decided to go with the gaither vocal band... classics like john the revelator//there is a river//the love of God, an insane amount of hymns, the michael english years, and the russ taff years were all beaten out by the phelps/penrod/lowry/gaither combination then. from there it was a very close fight between "i'm satisfied," "Alpha and Omega," and "loving God."

track seven is loving God, loving each other. not to take away from the others *because i love them dearly, especially when my uncle mike is singing the bass line* this song is what it is all about! "loving God, loving each other/ making music with my friends... and the story never ends!" :)

and while it may not be everything you need to know to get you through this life, it sure does make things more enjoyable... simple... it is a great perspective, don't you think?

i could not go without linking you to the "track seven alternates" as they will now be known... i'm satisfied and Alpha and Omega...

can they just share the title of track seven... like a medley of the three? great! glad you agree...

i'm satsified may not always define your actual spiritual state *we all have those rough patches no matter how much we try to cover them up* but when you feel the satisfaction of the Lord... ... ... there are no words to describe it!!! it is in the moments of satisfaction that we can sing this song at the top of our lungs for anyone and everyone to hear... look the word up... satisfied- filled to the brim, gratified to the fullest. praise God, i'm satisfied!!!

Alpha and Omega makes me beam with joy :)) it is one of those songs that will never grow old. " HE IS LORD!

track six: the star spangled banner

... how many times have you heard this song? before athletic events, following olympic competition, during important national ceremonies, 4th of july family gatherings, patriotic themed church services... many of us would love to say "too many," but i can't bring myself to do it. there is something that always gets to me when i hear it... track number six- the star spangled banner.

my earliest memories of our national anthem take place on the james river just outside of newport news, va. my papa and his two brothers would lead the herrmann clan in pledging allegiance to the flag and singing a couple of patriotic songs as a kick-off to the 4th of july family reunion. i wasn't old enough to know all the words, but i could sure hum that tune. i wanted to be involved in a song that made some beam with pride and others shed a steady flow of tears... the national anthem meant something to them... i wanted it to mean something to me.

from my first varsity high school game onward, the national anthem has been included in my pregame ritual. i didn't always understand why the national anthem was played when the only competitors were americans... we were getting ready to go out and "slaughter" our fellow countrymen... in the name of sport and good fun. that didn't seem respectful or patriotic to me... at all!

shortly after 9/11, the national anthem became real to me. it became an audible reminder that my fight as an american existed beyond the playing field... it was a connection. it was with the soldiers fighting overseas... it was with the vets who removed their hats and saluted the flag years after retiring from active service... it was with the people mouthing the words and showing pride in their country... it was surreal to finally understand the symbolic playing of the national anthem before any event.

its a perspective of perseverance and trust. when francis scott key composed this hymn, he did so out of gratitude and relief, praise and amazement. the final verse *yes, there are a lot of verses* says, "o, thus be it ever when freemen shall stand/ between their loved homes and the war's desolation/ blest with vict'ry and peace, may the heav'n-rescued land/ praise the Pow'r that hath made and preserv'd us as a nation! then conquer we must, when our cause it is just/ and this be our motto: "in God is our trust"/ and the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave/ o'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!" pretty cool, huh?

blessed with victory and peace may this land praise the Power that made us so/ if we have reason to go and fight (either for our own protection, or that of a weaker ally) let us go forward claiming God as our trust... we are forever the land of the free and the home of the brave.

i believe the star spangled banner has become a trite and commonplace ornament in today's society... i believe every american should consider themselves blessed when remembering their nationality- regardless of politics... i believe the founding fathers and historical giants who created this nation to be "the land of the free and the home of the brave" did not place limitations on those to whom it applied. our national anthem plays on not to signal the first pitch but to remind us of the greater things in life... the things that really matter.

the clearly evident and unseen element of the star spangled banner: in God is our trust. the national anthem means something to me. it means a lot to me...

track five: bottom of the barrel

i realize it has been some time since i last shared... life is busy, life is hectic, but life, above all, is good!

it is the first truly rainy day this spring here in the mountains... and i love it. birds chirping, thunder rolling, puddles forming... life is being renewed right in front of me! i am quite appreciative :)

rainy days make me remember the not-so-happy rainy days of my youth. i wasn't allowed to play outside in the rain... the puddles that formed during the rain were fair game after the rain stopped, but rain meant no outside time... i loved (and still love) outside! (and i still don't play in the rain)

rainy days were especially not fun when i was visiting grandparents. we *my two amazing sisters and i* were seriously stuck on the inside and it smelled funny. we found small ways to entertain ourselves... one of which was watching the rain collecting contraption outside the bay window.

my maternal grandmother (still) has that water collecting tube to measure the amount of rain per storm. she usually compares it to the numbers her local weatherman reads off during the 11 o'clock news... she wants to prove him wrong; 95% of the time she does :) *i don't have anything in common with her whatsoever... hahah* with the recent drought, that tube hasn't served any large function... i took a trip to see her this past easter. guess what?!? it rained. i found myself drawn to the same bay window to watch the rain water level rise...

it was different this time: there was a bug in the tube when the rain started... a flying bug whose wings were disabled by the first drop of rain... it had to learn to float pretty fast. i watched it struggle for about twenty minutes before compassion made me venture out to save it.

and i was reminded of this song... bottom of the barrel by amos lee... the power of an optimistic outlook on life :)

so when i feel like i have been pelted by a huge raindrop that knocks me down to the bottom of that collection tube (like that bug) i get to have a choice. i can stay at the bottom and remember when times were good and i wasn't stuck in a barrel of water... OR... i can fight to stay on top, knowing that the water level will eventually reach the top of the tube allowing me to crawl out.

rain really is one of my favorite weather conditions *if i am somewhere dry and not driving* when applied to my seasonal weather of life, i still like it. it is rejuvenation even though it may seem miserable... it is refreshment even though it feels disheartening... it is cleansing... it is rain.

take some time to appreciate the rain... the literal and figurative rains.

track four: 2 legit 2 quit :)

2 legit 2 quit. mc hammer. need i say more? uhm, probably so because my previous tracks have been so tranquil and soothing and relaxing and easy-going and, well, this just doesn't follow suit :))

when i was in the 8th grade, my algebra teacher started a club called "2 legit 2 quit" for kids who did well on two consecutive tests. i didn't really know the song at the time (i was only seven when the song became a hit... twelve when i joined the club) but i got to wear this really cool badge to the math club meetings *nerd, i know* and i was cool...

i found that badge about five years ago... i listened to the song... and i loved the message in that oh-so-90's beat.

this song comes at a great time... heading into exam season... i don't want to work hard for the best possible grade. it would be easy for me to quit right now, pass my classes, graduate and head off to my next endeavor. but mc hammer reminds me:

"i don't quit no i just press harder than i ever did before, going for the dreams i know i have in store..." this song not only gets my feet going, but it also gets my focus and attitude in gear. i can do it... i am too legit too quit! i cannot quit... i will not quit!!

does that sound familiar? i press harder... "i press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus (phil 3:14)." i am working with and by a power that is beyond me. as i am bogged down and disgruntled by the things blocking my path and keeping me from what i want, i sometimes forget that i don't really have to worry about those things... i just keep trucking...

i have been made a legitimate heir of God's glory through Christ's sacrifice... that makes me legit. too legit... too legit to quit!!!

track three: my tribute

it is really hard to put together a soundtrack of your life... i didn't know it would be such a task to get it organized :)

... i grew up in a small suburb of a large city but went to school in the downtown of that city. morning commutes were long and often times quite stressful. the insane traffic and constant stop-go rhythm of the car made me want to vomit...

but it wasn't all bad... i remember mom popping in an andrae crouch cassette tape one morning *note that it was not a cd* i don't think that tape ever came out of that '96 ford windstar! the three girls plus mom could jam out to that gospel music, boi! we were pretty rocking :)

one of my least favorites on the tape at the time was my tribute... i didn't like the spoken word aspect of the song as a child. it was the last song on the tape and that of course meant that there was a good one waiting on the other side...

then, i grew up. how can you not?

"how can I say thanks for the things You have done for me? things so undeserved, yet You gave to prove Your love for me; the voices of a million angels could not express my gratitude. all that i am and ever hope to be, i owe it all to Thee." the spoken element of this marvelous song... so reflective of the heart...

everything God has done and will do for us, everything we have not and will never deserve, He has done and will continue to do because of His love for us. how can we not be thankful... i don't know the magnitude of a million angels' voices, but i know the extent of my gratitude. i surely believe that i could duel it out with a million angels *wink, wink*

all that i am and ever hope to be... i owe it all to Thee.

"to God be the glory, to God be the glory, to God be the glory for the things He has done. with His blood He has saved me, with His power He has raised me; to God be the glory for the things He has done." i get goosebumps before the first glory gets past the o! my hands are up in the air before the first glory is completed... this is my soul's song!! and if that is my soul's song, this is my life's prayer..."just let me live my life, let it pleasing, Lord to Thee, and if i gain any praise, let it go to Calvary." it isn't about me, Lord, not even a little bit!

to God be the glory... to You be all the glory, Father God!!!

"green is my favorite color"

small reprieve from the soundtrack of life to focus on an important day- today is earth day... don't get the wrong idear here :) in no way/shape/form am i pushing you to become a tree-hugger or new-age earth worshiper, i just wanted to alert you to the fact that today is important...

important because it is a day most of us overlook... it is a day set apart remembrance of the beauty of creation. we have a chance to adjust our mindsets and refocus our attentions to become better stewards of that which we are to oversee. God places us over creation for a reason... we lose sight of it more often than not.

i am the world's worst for recycling and being eco-friendly *bio major, not an avid recycler... what?!?!* but i am going to try to make better decisions and make my little corner of the world more "green." (i encourage you to do the same)

if everybody takes this approach... green thumbs- green minds- green beans... just kidding *but green beans are a step in the right direction :)* and everybody began to "greenify" their own corners of the world, patches of green polygons would begin popping up everywhere...

green is a beautiful color and a beautiful concept... and while it is dominated by the extreme collaterals, such as the misnomer of "organic" products and cars that operate on french fry grease, there is some validity to making the world *and ourselves* a little more green...

how can you become more green...

track two: the rainbow connection

growing up, i had a lot of lullabies. most of them dealt with love or rainbows, or both... "somewhere over the rainbow," "i can sing a rainbow," plus various others... but the one that sticks out is the rainbow connection by either the carpenters or kermit the frog... depending on the person asked :)

when you are a small child and scared of the dark or a bad dream *not that i ever was, but* a rainbow is a comforting thought. hearing a loved one singing about trying to find his/her own rainbows soothes any soul. the human element of a rainbow- the desire to understand why we are drawn to these illusions... there is a connection to rainbows

the concept of a rainbow is pretty miraculous. the light passing through water vapor at the most precise angle to project the visible light spectrum across the sky... that isn't one of those "it just so happens to work like that" occurrences- God is in that rainbow!

rainbows remind us of God's covenant with noah, His "permanent promise" to the earth (genesis 9). pretty cool that mr. kermit the frog sings about finding the rainbow connection... our God connection... despite the criticism of others!

there is an innocence in this song... a sense of wonder, amazement, even encouragement... there is an underlying feeling of hope- a will to be your own person and seek your own dreams and wishes... because God sent you a rainbow, and you have seen His glory in that rainbow. there is a forever connection to that rainbow, all rainbows.

the next time you see a rainbow, try to keep from smiling. you won't be able to do it! well, i suppose if you can look at God's symbol of provision and promise without smiling...

track one: canon in d major

canon in d major composed by johann pachelbel... numero uno on the soundtrack of my life!! what a privilege :) there have been some great classical music pieces composed over the years, but this one piece seems to leave them all in the dust *personal opinion*

there is something awe inspiring by the complexity of the complete work... the busyness, yet beauty, of the complete work... and at the same time, the simplicity of individual parts... it is perplexing to say the least!

my mother thinks of canon in d as a family reunion :) the grandfather steps in as the constant bass followed by the grandmother. they exist in a beautiful, simple harmony-reflecting their place in life... their children come in and liven up the scene. the harmony is still there, just more fast paced... still relaxing, still beautiful... then the grandchildren take over- running and dancing all over the scale... the whole family creates a beautiful creation. as my mom explained this to me, she had a tear in her eye.

when i hear canon in d, i think of something different. i imagine Almighty God conducting the orchestra of creation. there are the constants... the ocean and the sunshine... there are the occasional flirtations of bird calls and frog chirps... there are the choral voices of His people... and so many other contributions to God's canon. how lucky i am to be included in His masterpiece...

as with all pieces of universally beautiful music, there are those who create personal takes on one of the greatest classical masterpieces ever written. my soundtrack will probably not have the "classic" canon in d (like what you hear at a wedding or a relaxing cd), but something more like this :) there is vivacity here... something atypical while construing the understood *i have a friend who says i like to stretch the mind... so consider yourself stretched but don't hold it against me* i hope it brought a smile to your face~

but this version of canon in d ties it all together for me! it is creation existing in perfect harmony... it is small pieces of life coming together to create the whole picture, regardless of their seemingly insignificant role. the Creator's canon could not be complete without them...

so, canon in d is my first track- reminding me that my life is to be lived in a way that reflects my role in creation... that i am part of something bigger!

"sing, sing a song"

recently, i moved my ipod speakers into the bathroom of our apartment........ for the acoustics-haha *totally kidding* no, i moved them in there so i could hear the music from any room in the apartment... showering, cooking, homeworking, etc... luhhve it~

i love music- i always have. i sang my first song at the age of 13 months... so it was more like a hummed/grunted "twinkle, twinkle" or "abcd" in very broke segments... i was on my mom's shoulders at disneyland... "the happiest place on earth." i guess that was an appropriate place to sing my first song, seeing as how my early years were spent watching disney princesses and learning to imitate their voices as i sang of their woes and joys... i have grown to appreciate different types of music and the expressive power music has over us... beyond a disney princess falling in love... beyond a star twinkling in the distance...

music is such a large part of me... i need to be near it... all the time! thus, the speakers have made their way into the bathroom of the apartment~

while i was brushing my teeth a day or so ago, i had this thought... (this may seem like a blonde comment, but i will make it anyway) music serves as the soundtrack to our lives... *you can laugh- it is music; our lives our movies; great movies have great soundtracks... and that is just the way the cookie crumbles* but i ran with that- the whole day. what are the implications that our lives have a soundtrack? does the soundtrack have volumes for different decades? is there a title song on the soundtrack of my life? if i had to decide which songs were on my soundtrack... limited to a typical soundtrack song count... which songs would i pick? *good thing, i wasn't in class most of this day... huh? :)* i mean, the questions were never-ending and often overwhelming...

all because one song struck me as i brushed my teeth one thursday morning... one song. what song? mark schultz's "i am." which has nothing at all to do with songs or soundtracks or anything to do with the tangent thought cascade... the beauty of being a female and running away with things, eh? no, this is how it happened~

the song was on mental repeat most of the day. the more i thought about it and replayed certain lines, the more existential my thought process became. (existential is a strong psychological term... deep thinking, purpose seeking) particularly the end of the song: "yes, I Am Almighty God your Father/ the risen Son of Man/ the Healer of the broken/ and when you cry I Am/ your Savior and Redeemer/ who bore the sins of man/ the Author and Perfecter/ Beginning and the End/ I Am."

and the last "I Am" sparked some thoughts from louie giglio's i am not but i know I AM *phenomenal, a must read... strike that, must have* how it is God's story, not mine... and then i wondered if my music choices reflected that it was God's story... if my soundtrack from life lined up with His... "ponder"

(in a high and mighty voice) "God's music is all hymns, modern praise, and contemporary christian music- except michael english because he is a horrible icon for christian music." NO, goodness no. i listen to a lot more than christian music... not knocking christian music *i own quite a bit myself and listen to even more* but i think God uses a variety of genres to speak to a variety of people. He can be found in most any musical genre...

i am going to be compiling a list of the songs of my soundtrack... limiting myself to 18. *hold me accountable* i will try to release a song everyday... and explain why each song is included in my soundtrack... and how it lines up with my role in God's story...

(from the title... do you know that song? takes you back, doesn't it? "sing/ sing a song/ sing out loud/ sing out strong/ sing of good times, not bad/ sing of happy, not sad... sing/ sing a song/ make it simple/ to last your whole life long... don't worry if it's not good enough/ for anyone else to hear/ just sing/ sing a song... la lah lah lalah lah/ la lah lah lalah lah/ la lah lah lalalah lah" makes you smile)

focus pyramid

have you ever made a focus pyramid? put your thumbs together like a field goal post... now put your pointer fingers together... *you have now made what looks like a hersey kiss, but its official name is the focus pyramid* okay... now that that is out of the way, here we go~

i have had a stressful week... my last round of undergrad tests before finals, trying to line up shadowing opportunities to complete stuff for grad school after several unsuccessful attempts to line up a paying clinical experience job, plus some external "drama" (i absolutely love drama) has made life difficult this week... i mean, don't get me wrong. i still have the happiest heart and biggest smile on my face :-) * BECAUSE... heheh* i'm just carrying some tension around in my right shoulder- my "back-pack buddy" (aka stress) if you will... we've been hanging out for almost a week- i usually like hanging out- but it has gotten to be too much. so i told him to hit the road, and i hit the gym.

you know how occasionally we know exactly what to do when we have something wrong going on... and how we know exactly what we should do to solve our problem... and how we put off doing what we know will relieve us of our problem because we are too busy trying to find another way of solving said problem... and how we moan and groan and avoid doing exactly what we should do so that we can say we moaned and groaned and complained until we had this bright idea to solve it... by doing what we knew to do all along... do you have any idea of what i am talking about? maybe??

because in all that "blah" of stress and frustration that i have felt this past week, i knew that i needed to listen to some solid music while running on a treadmill or throwing some dumbbells around. i knew what i needed to do... i just "didn't have time" or "needed a nap" or "had to run errands" or some other lame-O excuse that kept me from being where i needed to be...

have you ever been in that boat? i'm gonna guess that you have, because i think it is part of being human... reluctance to do the inevitable- an inevitable that will bring us more satisfaction and well being than anything we do otherwise...

kind of a common sense factor, kind of an inward motivation, kind of a "hey what the heck to you think you can accomplish without doing this" moment... could it be a Spirit thing?

frankly, i know God talks to me like that... "hey, what in the world are you doing? what are you thinking... oh, I see, you aren't thinking!! actually, you are thinking withOUT Me! *strong element of sarcasm between God and me* well, why don't We fix this and get Our brains working again. I'll tell you what We're going to do: you are going to put on your tennis shoes and I am going to make a beautiful day and We are going out." (or something along those lines... sometimes i get to run/lift weights, sometimes i get to go for a walk, sometimes i get to drive into the mountains just to regain perspective on how insignificant i am) it's like i'm on a leash regardless of the activity... being led around campus or across town or into another town... all the while remembering that i am weak and i am small.

which makes my problems even smaller...

i can handle any problem with the right attitude :)

"always wild"

have you ever had the desire to paint your nails a color you really don't expect to like? say you usually wear more muted tones and then jump to hot pink or fire-engine red... what do you do?

you know if you put on the bright color you will be satisfying the need for danger or risk or even rebellion...maybe it is a longing for freedom... however, you also know the bright color will eventually make you want to vomit if you look at it long enough. so again, what do you do?

take me for example, i am a neutral girl from the word go. i usually don't like to draw attention to myself... my toes and fingers especially. i would prefer people's eyes staying on mine not wandering my being :) i prefer the "buff's" and the "palest pinks' and the "clear's." if i am feeling dashing or daring, i go with a "platinum" (an iridescent hue of pink fading into flesh... the "dare element" stemes from the iridescent green that is reflected from certain angles of light... haha) but i have learned i can't do the boldness of reds and pinks and mauves and that kinda stuff...

before a knee surgery in the fall of last year, one of my dearest friends decided i needed to become a more spontaneous individual... i was kinda bummed out after suffering a season ending injury and had decided to play along in hopes of a good laugh and fun memory. she decided we would highlight my hair and paint my toenails hot, bright, electric pink... (kinda getting queasy remembering this one)

so we did (laughter, photography, and memory-making)... i went all out... first time high-lighting my hair, first time hot pink toenails, *two days later* first time going home to show my mother my new spontaneous self... i gave her a little forewarning about my appearance before i stepped in the door *smart move there!!* her greeting as i walked in the door "erin, your hair doesn't look bad, but we have got to do something about those toes!" not "hey sweet baby- how was the drive?" but "you don't look bad, but your toes?!?!" i knew i had let her down by giving into the world of ostentatious toe polish... i mean, i didn't even like the nauseating shade of pink screaming obscenities at the world from my toenails, BUT they were a symbol of my own willingness to try something new and stake a claim on spontaneity.

i stuck it out for three days. the hair lasted a little longer, as it was permanent hair dye, but the toes lost out to a more toned down version of pink *still louder than normal* that being said, they haven't been that bright in a long time...

today, i had this longing (maybe a craving) to paint my toes some bright and obnoxious color. the color up for job..."always wild." haha :)) if you know me, you know wild neVer describes me... so i am stuck... so appealing to my eyes, so against it in my head...

do you ever feel that way? do you ever want to do something daring and spontaneous and out of character only to realize that it makes no sense and has no application to your dreams in life? does your lack of acting on impulses make you a boring fun-sucker? what happens if you decide to act on impulse and be spontaneous in a sophomoric way? actually, what happens when you realize that your head was right all along and your reward for being impulsive was simply regret? are you likely to fall into impulsive behavior? are you tempted by the bright toenail polish again despite previous disappointment?

my answer to these today is... yes, yes, no, "doh" (from the v8 commercials), repeat "doh," sometimes, no. it doesn't make me a fun-sucker or a boring person if i don't act in impulsive ways. i can be the life of the party without living an out of control lifestyle. it is important for us to know that we an be fun without being stupid! which is where the "doh's" join us... the "der der blondie's" as they are sometimes called... we know when we have made the wrong decision... be the big person and learn from it! am i tempted- probably. will i do it again- probably not...

my temptations in life are bigger than "always wild" toenail polish. i have type 1 diabetes... i am tempted with every single piece of food you can imagine! i have found, though, that when i am able to recognize other forms of temptation, i am more willing to admit food is also a temptation- to claim even more weakness in myself... times like this i cling to 1 corinthians 10:12&13- that God is faithful and He will provide a way out...

i decided to go with "always sheer buff." it is a new yet familiar shade... my typical flavor... giving into monotony... but you know what? it never, neVer disappoints :)

buy me some peanuts and cracker-jacks

it's baseball season...

*note the ... instead of the !!!* it isn't that i don't like baseball (hello, avid sports enthusiast here... except the finals of the ncaa this year) i actually do like baseball...

i like the rivalries, some of the superstitions, the atmosphere, the sound of a ball and a bat (wooden or aluminum) i like the smell of hot dogs and the buzz of the lights. i like the uniforms that honor tradition. i like the mix of grass and dirt stains on white pants. i really like the rings of sweat around some players hats... i like that fans get to participate by catching foul balls and home runs. i like that it represents a way of life for many americans... especially my grandparents... i like baseball.

their were the childhood movies: the sandlot(s), rookie of the year, angels in the outfield, and ed... then the oldies, but goodies :) including, but not limited to: bull durham, the natural, field of dreams, and bad news bears... and more recently: hardball, major league(s), for the love of the game, and the rookie... how many baseball movies have you seen?!? exactly... and the classic abott and costello "who's on first" skit... :)

my dad, whom i dearly love and greatly admire, once made the comment (in a car full of younger girls might i add) that "girls couldn't play baseball because they couldn't throw/catch/run as well." he finally got himself out of that hole, but it made a long lasting impression on me! i did not back down from any challenge from then on out!!

when i saw a league of their own a few years later, i fell in love with the game in a new way... they got to play baseball!!! not softball, but baseball!!! i mean, they had to play in skirts *not cool* but they got to play on a regulation field with a baseball bat and a BASEball... i knew i could do it all because they got to play :) i know i was naive, but i was eleven...

it was on the other day much to my delight. i dropped everything i was doing to watch geena davis stand up for her little sister and take the world by storm as dottie. i won't lie- i wanted to be dottie when i was eleven and when i am twenty-two-----as an eleven year old, dottie was the hero and star; as a twenty-two year old, i see a different character. she demanded the best from people (i really hope you have seen this movie) but when she had to make the biggest play of the season, she couldn't pull the best out of herself. and i still want to be dottie...

why, why do i want to be on the losing end when the final run comes in? because, like dottie, i understand that baseball is just a game... and life goes on beyond that game... and at the end of the game, it is more important for me to be able to maintain friendships with my own teammates and with my opponents... when dottie realizes that her sister became the hero with her inability to make the out, she smiles! she doesn't run over and congratulate her sister, but she celebrates kit's win in her loss... that is really admirable... and that is why i want to be dottie...

but i don't love baseball like dottie... i think it is slow. you stand around and wait for the play or sit on the bench and wait for your turn to play... you rarely get to make physical contact with a person... if i am playing ball, i want to play ball :) baseball is fun if you are there or allowed to take a nap while watching it on tv...

all this to say, uhm, baseball has a hold on the purer times of life for a lot of people... when ball was ball and not a steroid hunt or "baseball tonight" on espn. nothing but a ball and a bat and a couple of bases... it was a simple and beautiful game. that is baseball to me... a lot like what life should be... graceful, easy, and fun!

all smiles :))

i am going to share something today... i want you to prepare yourself for this... there will be capital letters ;) ready?

i am going to PA SCHOOL in the fall!!! but better than that, GOD IS absolutely AWESOME!!!

it is totally a God thing. i can't even begin to take credit for any bit of what has happened to me in recent days! i also can't wipe this smile off my face :)) some people say it is getting to be an annoyance, but i just keep going! :)

i was talking to a friend about my quick acceptance into school... she commented that "[i] was just that good." and what came out of my mouth... "no ma'am, MY GOD IS just that GOOD!!!" and He is :) He is so good...

it is easy to see when everything is good, but He is good even when things are not. He is good when things are down right bad. He is good when you have lost all recollection of what good actually is.

it is easy to have faith that He is working for good. to know that He is faithful, to know that He will strengthen you, help you, and uphold you... but how do you really know that God is truly good if you do not experience His true goodness? if you only know what is good and never have to testify to His goodness in light of something not so good? it's like eating your favorite food... every meal... every time you eat anything... even if it is the best thing you have ever eaten, eventually it will lose its special flavor. you know what i mean? i'm not trying to diminish the goodness of God by saying we lose our affinity for His succulence- we simply grow numbed or complacent when we experience such good for long periods of time...

it doesn't mean that God is no longer good... perhaps we are just experiencing a palate cleansing season of life so that our next course is more enjoyable.

(quick little fact... lemons and limes are the best palate cleansers; however, if you are looking to clean out your olfactory tract, go for the coffee beans! did you know that those three things are all extremely acidic... and they are cleansing... but if you put any of those things on an open wound, they burn and cause more damage? think about that...)

think about that~

shall we dance?

did you ever learn as a small child that you aren't allowed to define a word with the word? i think that rule should always apply... unless, of course, the word is so commonplace or understandable that its very definition is automatically defined by word association due to over-abundance of said word in society... savvy?(sorry, that felt like a capt. jack sparrow moment right there) but you know what i mean?

take for instance the word dance. look it up in webster's dictionary... in its verb form, it means "to engage in a dance;" while as a noun, it means "an act of dancing." now, it could just be me... but i am pretty sure dance is used in both definitions, and that is a violation of a common "law."

it is a hard word to define. it means so many things to so many people. dancing = ballroom dancing, clubbing, middle-school slow dancing (aka "waddling and shuffling"), toddlers bouncing up-and-down dancing, ceremonial dancing, "first dances" dancing, square dancing, etc. if you find one universal definition that applies to all without using the word dance, the people at webster are looking for new word definers :)

seriously though, dancing is what you make it. it can be formal, outlined, admirable, and critiqued. it can be casual, spontaneous, inventive, and stylish. it can symbolize a wide variety of emotions and transcend every cultural/international/racial divide within humanity. we all dance... some of us better than others (i am in the "not so hot freestyler but if it has steps i got it under control" sector of the club) needless to say, we can all dance.

i have a fascination with formal ballroom dancing... pretty sure it started when i saw "beauty and the beast" or "the king and i" or one of those fabulous movies in my early youth (i have always been a hopeless romantic) :) i recently took part in a dancing class (so out of my character, so much fun). while in class, i was a model for one of the more "passionate" dances... the dance instructor carefully, yet forcefully, took me in his arms with a quick "ready, go" and we were off... dancing around the room with everyone else watching... i did not feel a single eye on me! i knew the steps, but i didn't know where i was going- he was undoubtedly the leader... i was kind of shocked, to tell you the truth- there was a level of comfort i had not experienced in a situation i had definitely not experienced. when we finished the dance, he threw me into his shadow (literally, not quite... more like he tossed me to the side and strutted center stage as if he had just had his way and was done... very authoritative... very attractive... haha)

he came back later and said, "erin, you like to lead, don't you?" (for those of you who know me, you know i am independent, confident, and willing to take *or demand* the lead) however, a short dance with this man had left me completely vulnerable!

as i replayed this in my head, i decided there was a lot to learn from this scenario. 1) i can be tamed; 2) it's okay not to be the leader; 3) it is okay to let go and trust the leader; and 4) i would be okay dancing again :) and then i applied it to life using a popular saying of today's young people: "learn to dance with Jesus; He will find the right guy/girl to cut in." i like some of that... but i would change some things...

"learn to dance with Jesus" is a must. your hand in His, your hand on His shoulder, His hand just above your waist, your eyes fixed in His... He has a total hold on you, but it is gentle. His eyes look into yours while guiding the two of you around the dance floor. can you feel it? you are safe and in love...

and as far as that "right guy cutting in?" that requires someone cutting out... unless Jesus makes this dance a three person dance, i am not leaving his arms for anyone else's!

supposedly, finding the perfect dance partner is pretty hard to do. you have to cover the other's weaknesses while also displaying your own strengths. i have a great dance partner, though; He covers all my weaknesses and still lets me shine. He makes me the most beautiful dancer on the floor... pretty sure He'd like to dance with you :)

photo what? phototropic

you know, i don't even like botany... not even a little bit. i prefer real-life moving life-forms. (hahah... you have to see the comedy in that statement... read it again... are plants not living? do they not move in the wind? hopefully you know that i mean animal life is more my thing than plants... they are kind of boring) it was my least favorite course in all of my undergrad work... :)

but as much as i hate the class, i love the subject material! plants are amazing examples of life- especially when referring to one's spiritual life. we don't carry out photosynthesis or produce flowers... what commonalities do we share? our dependence on light...

...our dependence on Light!!!

so everybody knows that light is required for a plant to produce glucose... and we all know that Christ is our spiritual nourishment... not that that is not important *say that five times fast* but what about this...

plants follow light! not only do they grow towards light, they follow it! this phenomenon is known as phototropism. it is most notably seen in sunflowers :) imagine this/picture it/draw this up in your mind... there is a field of sunflowers just waking up to the sun rising on the horizon. they are all smiles because they haven't seen the sun in eleven-or-so hours... they are so excited! they watch the sun intently, waiting for it to shine its radiant light on their leaves and petals. once that first ray of light hits them, oh boy, they are addicted to it all day long! the sun treks across the sky... direct rays hindered by the occasional passing cloud... but the field of sunflowers follows the path of the sun with each flower. as the sun sets, the flowers tuck their heads as if they are saddened by the sun's disappearance. until the morning... and it happens all over again...

i would love to have the discipline and patience of a sunflower- sedentary and satisfied with watching the Son... "auxin" constantly elongating and retracting different cells to enable me to follow the Light with my head. that would be the life!

but my life is better than a sunflower's. do you agree? i get to follow with my feet, my actions, my entire life! i don't have to watch the Son go down. i get to stay in His light forever! i may get to experience times of stillness and complete satisfaction... other times i am fortunate enough to follow Him for days and days without slowing down. i get to bask in His glorious light at all hours of my life!!!

it's called phototropism... movement in response to Light... are you a phototropic individual?

i just wanna be a leaf

quick little disclaimer to start today's entry... i am a biology major in love with all things living! okay- we can start now~

*exhale* a couple of years ago, barbara walters asked katie hepburn what kind of tree she would be... remember this?!? well it may have been like fifty years ago, but, i was thinking about this particular question a today as i was strolling through campus and admiring our blooming trees (not trying to rain on the "i hate pollen" parade, but there is so much beauty during allergy season) and i decided that if i had to be a tree, i could do it.

to take it further... if i had to choose what kind of tree to be, i would start with the two major types- deciduous trees (flower bearing) or coniferous trees (cone bearing). i am a girl. let's guess what kind of tree i would be... ding, ding, ding!!! you are correct! i would be a deciduous tree!

they are characterized by their "hardwood" qualities... typical examples include maples, elms, birchs, (katherine hepburn's favorite) oaks, sapwoods, ashes, dogwoods, and *my personal favorite* pecan trees (and a lot more). extensive columns of xylem and phloem channels run tree wide just inside a layer of protective bark relaying nutrients to the tree's every cell... a sapwood section surrounds a layer of older heartwood that serves as the tree's core- the rod of external support. the fibrous roots shoot off the taproot and provide nutrients and stabilize the tree... we don't get to see the innermost parts of the tree, but the external features of the tree have just as much to share...

bark, branches, stems... these are the defining features of the tree! if you ask a child and a professional artist to draw a tree, the features will be the same.

aside from the fact that deciduous trees have beautiful flowers and/or complex fruits, they have leaves... if you have ever stepped foot into a botany class *God bless you for that!* you know that leaves are vital to the life of the tree. they are the only member of the body capable of producing glucose from sunlight, absorbing needed water, and releasing excess water... they are so important, but they are also dispensable...

leaves that turn beautiful colors when the chlorophyll is drained from the living leaf. it is a brilliant life and death for these tree leaves... left-over carotenoids and anthocyanins give the leaves their yellowish or reddish vibrance in their last weeks of life. we see in leaves that there is awe-inspiring beauty in death... have you ever thought about that?

what about this? when a tree surrenders its leaves to the seasonal circadian rhythm of autumn, it is relinquishing its life-source. the tree has to "trust" that its leaves have stored enough for the tree to survive. that paper-thin green oddly shaped leaf gives that towering tree the energy and nutrients it needs for an entire season. what a remarkable piece of creation!!!

"if you were a tree?" i don't think barbara walters thought this simple question would spark such interest or discussion... but if you had to be a tree, could you trust your leaves to do the job... i mean, you don't really have a choice, right?!?

so then, in life... do you have a choice? because the way i see it, my God is a lot more dependable than a leaf... HE is my taproot. HE is my heartwood. HE is my sapwood. HE is my bark. HE is my branch. HE is my stem. HE is my tree!

and you know what, i don't' want to be a tree. i just want to be a leaf on His tree. a leaf that blows in the wind and accomplishes some degree of gain for Him. a leaf that draws eyes to the beauty of the tree. a leaf that isn't afraid to live a brief season and die a beautiful death... i really just want to be a leaf...

... on God's pecan tree :)

doo-nn-doo-nn-doo-nn-doo-nn-doo-nn-doo *driving miss daisy*

today i was driving over the mountains... windows down, sunroof open, radio blasting... not a lot of 18-wheelers or cops... very few cars... kinda like a road-trip with "me and God" (great josh turner song if you like that *devil* music) i rarely do the driving when God and i go roadtripping. He usually has something He needs me to see or learn or learn to see, and He is the only one who knows how to get there... i love Him for it! but today, i got to be the driver. no lie, i was like a tour guide driving through the blue ridge parkway... "God, You see that mountain? yep that big one over there on the left? it's one of my favorites... and i am pretty sure you made it for me." i would continue driving, smiling because God gave me mountains. "do You know how amazing You are God? did You know You made those mountains in front of us blue when the trees have green leaves and when they have no leaves and when they have snow? how did You do that?" this is the way the whole drive went... and to make it better... i have this new cd (new things, you know) all praise music... a compilation of some of my favorites ("hallelujah" hillsong, "God with us" mercy me) and some not so familiar ones that will surely change my life("love song" jason morant, "cover me" bebo norman)... and it was just God and me driving... and it was beautiful!!!

when i was almost home, after a brief interlude with a few friends and some grass and dirt, God told me He loved me again with a flash of heat lightning. you see, my God knows my love language!! He knows what makes me feel special... and today He sung me His love song!!! look for Him and invite Him to sing to you~

"we're a team, me and God"