every so often my dog does something- something quite hilarious- something that belongs on a movie- something marley or marmaduke would do... something that leaves me running to the bathroom in fear of wetting my pants :) she did this the other day:
my kitchen is set up like most kitchens in my cookie cutter neighborhood... garage door leads to the kitchen right beside the fridge. my dog is sitting in front of the giant ice box licking the door, whining and talking to the fridge like it has some idea what she is trying to communicate. i just stand there with my head tilted as if to say "dog, what are you doing?" she continues to engage the fridge in some sort of bargain that has been going on long enough to develop a drool track down the front door. she acknowledges that i have come home by looking back-left at me but her tongue stays glued to the fridge... i'm pretty sure i know what she wants. this is her sign that "hey lady, i'm hot. i want some ice!" so like the good trained owner that i am, i give into her signal. i make her sit and hand her a handful of ice... it scatters all over the floor as she pounces and chomps the frozen solid to her little hearts content. my heart smiles to watch her excitement- almost a dance of victory... i continue to unpack bags of groceries, carefully stepping over frozen puddles that have started to form. before i know it, mayzers is back in front of the fridge- licking the door, gnawing at the handle, whining and singing for its doors to open. the same scenario plays out... she looks at me with these big brown eyes and her best puppy face- tongue still plastered to the door... again, i give in but not without thinking *gotta love it when you have this light-bulb moment, you know* i put myself in her shoes...
what is my ice? my fridge? my actions in front of my fridge? because i came to the conclusion, that we all have to look like that *at some point* to God... wanting something so badly that we just sit in its presence all day long whining and groaning for what lies behind the quick-seal doors... we are so bad at waiting, so quick to lose our patience, so zealous in our efforts to show Him that our lives are not complete without THAT thing... and this question just kept coming back to me: what is it that i am waiting for, knowing that it will fill some inner longing and empty place in my life, that i can't get off the fridge?
when i look at my dog, i see a lot of myself *not that i look like her, i don't think* i would assume this happens a lot with children as well... any living thing dependent upon a master/parent to provide... i think they all share similarities when it comes to our reliance on God's provision... like my puppy, i so often notice the fact that God is near- that He has come to meet me in my pitiful state of want. like that dumb dog, i can't really seem to give Him my undivided attention when i know He sees me. i am so stuck to what i want...
see the other half of the story i didn't tell was that in my bags of groceries were dingos, a new toy, and treats... things that supply nourishment and fun beyond the empty, fleeting 5 second substance of floating water. things that didn't melt... things that didn't create a bigger thirst... substantial things that i wanted to give her. and i guess this is where God and i are so very different *thank goodness He is so much better and bigger and any other great adjective there is* see, i gave maybelle the ice both times she acted in such a manner and put the other things away. saved them for a rainy day, if you will. but God, our perfect and amazing Father, doesn't give into our pleading and begging and other ridiculous antics in front of our freezers for our ice. and we come to the point of loathing Him for His unwillingness to give us what we NEED.
recently, God opened my fridge. He opened it, took two steps back and watched as i peered inside- my eyes hungry for all that i would see. have you ever had a moment like that? i looked inside and as full as the icebox seemed to be, it made me feel empty... hollow... lonely. i didn't like the fridge anymore... i didn't like the feeling it made me have... i ran to Him and grabbed onto His hand: apologizing for my lack of trust in His knowing best for me. i craved the comfort of His arms holding me and sheltering me from myself...
it was an awesome experience to say the least...
i sit now wondering what substantial things i have missed out on because of my unwillingness to leave the fridge... i guess i am waiting for that rainy day when God will grant me the second opportunity to access all that He has for me... the substantial, relationship strengthening things i blindly ignored as He passed my way. i know they won't be nearly as fresh or as appealing as they would have been that first day, but i do believe they will still contain their illustrious beauty that God gives everything He touches as He hands it to us. and that is where i am today...
knowing that i am on the brink of something big now that i am no longer on the fridge... His love is so great, His grace so amazing... i encourage you to listen to this song... i'm pulling a line from it to wrap up this post. "we are His portion and He is our prize, drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes- grace is an ocean, we're all sinking. heaven meets earth like a sloppy-wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest *because* i don't have time to maintain these regrets when i think about how He loves us!"
feel the love and know the love of your heavenly Father today!
