track sixteen: carolina in my mind

how could this not end up on my soundtrack?!?! hahah... carolina born and bred, james taylor's carolina in my mind sung here by the marvelous alison krauss is numero dies y ses.

just like my sense of pride in my nation, i am proud to wear carolinian on my name badge! i haven't travelled across the globe, but i have hit my fair share of borders and other significant imaginary lines... with every trip, borders and lines do not in any way compare to those of my home state. "welcome to north carolina" translates "welcome home" for me. everyone i love has a tie to this marvelous tarheel state!

beach, mountains, culturally rich metropolises, small town gems, wide variety of plant and animal life, fine colleges, excellent rivalries... there is a close-knit community feel and a genuine hospitality, at least that is what i think.

i had days *while apart from my home state* that i longed for carolina cooking or adventure. i have a playlist prepared to comfort me when i am homesick for north carolina. (i am sure this sounds lame; however, we all share some sense of devotion to our homelands... it's true, don't try to deny it) this one always has and always will make me feel like home.

there are a lot of jokes about the south... while they may be funny, and occasionally true ;) i have decided that other regions make jokes because they simply feel inadequate when compared to our overwhelmingly great, uhm, everything! :)

the james taylor lyrics speak their own peace about life as a carolinian... an abundantly blessed and ever grateful carolinain!

track fifteen: my hallelujah song

track fifteen is my hallelujah song by julianne hough. some of you may know the artist from dancing with the stars... i ever so clumsily slipped across her work on itunes the other day. i fell in love with this song.

truth to my life--a commonality between all these songs-- but this one seems especially true to me now seeing as how i am coming closer to attaining my dreams... (it is finally sinking in that i am a college graduate and lack only 29 months graduating *for good* and getting a job! ahhhh!! yeah...) i am on the fast track now! chasing and hunting them down *totally a God thing* nevertheless, feeling like i am exactly where i am supposed to be.

have you experienced the peace of being where you are supposed to be?

it is my most humble opinion that you must first experience the sorrow and discomfort of being where you are not supposed to be before you can truly appreciate being where you are supposed to be... awfully wordy, my sincere apologies... but do you follow? you can't know the value of something til you lose it?!? you don't know what you have until its gone?!? the grass may be greener, but you are wearing green tinted glasses?!? you follow? i have known what it means to be in the wrong place... pretty much lost *and i fought to stay lost for a long time* but there is nothing like giving in or trading up to the right place to be... absolutely nothing like the sense of relief that comes with abiding in the bulls eye of your target zone!

you know the word hallelujah is pretty important. we throw it around today like it is an everyday something or nother. "oh, hallelujah! billy joe finally passed third grade after four tries" or "hallelujah child, here's the little ladies room; i have been about to wet myself since biscoe." i think it is cheated out of its place as a true utterance of praise. it has become a cultural expression- like glory and amen... very different expressions than their original culture.

hallelujah- praise ye the Lord... a shout or song of praise used to express joy or thanks. in context of the song:

"finally hittin on what's been missin all along... singing my hallelujah song." singing a heartfelt song of thanks and praise to my Lord, i may have finally figured out what's been wrong all this time. it was hard to find my way, mostly because i was ornery and stubborn... but i was never alone on this journey. now, i am truly thankful *in the most praise worthy way possible* because i have landed safely where i belong... still singing my hallelujah song.

last thing... "divine punch-lines take a little time, but i'm getting it." i am so glad the God we serve has a sense of humor and is willing to share it with His children! you know you have an inside joke with God... you see something or hear a certain phrase- "hey God, that was a good one" and then you give him a high five or a wink or a smile... what a great God... so multi-faceted it is ridiculous and awe-inspiring (oh, ps... ridiculous is a serious prop word now... it's a good thing... haha) pretty great, pretty amazing, pretty wonderful!!!

peace out~

track fourteen: wherever we go

i am officially behind the ball! i was supposed to have this soundtrack completed before graduation *didn't happen... didn't even come close to happening* i do apologize!

track fourteen is wherever we go by the newsboys. i love this song!! while some parts of it are completely off the wall *true to the newsboys style <3* the overall message is so true. there are some things that just seem to fall into place when you are where you are supposed to be... not only for you but also for those around you... you know what i mean?

small stuff like the first parking space in front of a store *or string of stores :)* or seeing your favorite bird sitting in a tree outside your window... a butterfly landing on your car while at a red light... sharing a smile with a complete stranger... finding a ten dollar bill in a pocket... and you can continue on and on with the small things that make you feel like having a partay :)

it's kinda like drinking a carbonated beverage for the first time in a long time... sharp and bubbly to your innards but exciting all the same. it leaves you wanting more...

which is very similar to the way we are supposed to be... leaving others wanting more of what we've got- something that is different... a noticeable different... a fun, noticeable different... a lively, fun and noticeably different something... it's JESUS!!!

idn't great (how'd you like that word... haha) that we get to be a party all the time because we have the life of the party living in us? go share your party!!!

*the end of the story*

i forgot to tell the end of the running story yesterday... i ran hard and i ran pretty fast *for me, the one who hates running* i got back to the beach house 38 minutes after starting the dreaded run. i had no clue how far i had gone, but i felt refreshed and rejuvenated... when i should have felt exhausted and possibly defeated... it was amazing!

about a mile down the beach *we had previously measured the distance of part of the beach with the car and key landmarks* i almost stopped and turned around... and i can't really remember why i didn't, but i kept going. the sound of the surf and the sight of the moon flickering across the ocean- it was too beautiful to see me quit...

i got to the end of the island and just turned around (kinda like forest gump... "i just kept runnin'") and the run back was phenomenal.... i knew i could make it back because i had made it that far... *there's a thinker of a statement* all the while, the words "i don't regret" running through my head.

i had started that run completely regretting a lot of things in life... i returned to the house regretting nothing- except maybe shaving my legs the afternoon before (shaving and salt water, still, do not mix... regardless of age, how long you've been shaving, how long it has been since you last shaved- none of that matters... it STILL burns like fire) (but i didn't notice that until i got back to the house) dad asked me where i had been...

"running... with God."

the next day, we drove to the end of the island to see how far i had actually gone. i was hoping the run would be close to 4 miles... we got to the end of the road *not the end of the island* at about 2.8 miles. that means i had run 5.5 miles! i had never run that far at one time in my life! maybe, quite possibly because that was the first time i had actually run with God...

and i've been doing it ever since~

track thirteen: i don't regret

i have spent my summers in recent years preparing for preseason... distance running, weightlifting programs, sprint work... in the heat. it is amazing what athletes put their bodies through for sport. i am so glad i don't have to train this summer :)

i usually have a motivational beat going on my ipod when i am on the treadmill or in the weight room to keep me going. traditionally, it has been something of louder persuasion with a distracting bass beat... rap/hip-hop/rock/dance/pop... this summer, something changed.

runners will tell you to find a beat that matches your stride. i had done that *so i thought* but a week at the beach taught me differently.

it was a four mile run day on the preseason training schedule. (i hate running... why i chose to play a sport where you run for 90 minutes is beyond me... but to re-emphasize, i do not like to run) i didn't want to run four miles. i was on vacation, dang it! mom was riding me *because she loved me and wanted me to be prepared for death... haha, not really death- you want to die during preseason, though*

so i laced up my runners, popped in my earbuds, and hit the beach. the pier was a mile and a half to my left; the end of the island was who knew how far from me to the right. i chose to go to the right... i was possibly pre-menstrual. i knew i needed the longer distance to regroup. see, i was struggling big time with the boy conversations going on between the girls of the family. my middle sister was *and is* in a long term relationship and my youngest sister had just come home from governor's school with a boyfriend. there may have been some underlying bitterness there, but their every sentence included the boys' names. they had been reduced from their fun, sarcastic, and witty selves into boy-crazy girls... it was driving me crazy... this was the fourth day of vacation... fourth day, four miles, and a beach that seemed like it could go on forever...

i was angry and trying to decide which hole looked like an ankle breaker... radiating positivity i tell you... when this song started playing in my ear.

barlowgirl's i don't regret- track thirteen. do you know what happened, i played repeat the whole run. that song was the only song i heard that entire run. it was a run that changed my life...

"i don't regret choosing You... i'm not ashamed that its You who holds my heart"

the truth of this song [something i sometimes lose sight of] is that i trust God with everything, especially my heart. we effortlessly remember to trust God with the big decisions- jobs, relationships, travel plans, parenting styles, commitments, etc.- but we just as easily forget to trust and include Him with the things we think aren't worth His time. if He cares about His children, don't you think He cares about every part of their lives? He knows my biggest and smallest dreams... He knows the desires of my heart because He has my heart! i could not have made a better decision than trusting my Savior with my heart. He is the only one capable of loving me the way i need to be loved... what is more important than that?

a hand to hold? a warm body in bed next to you? a significant other to kiss goodnight? someone to ask how your day was? they all seem kinda "weak-sauce" when measuring up to the powerful and loving hand that holds my heart. i'm just saying...

i have no regrets, and i have no shame that my Jesus holds my heart!

track twelve: moonlight sonata

i really love classical music. a lot. throwing a real classical piece on the cd was a must... track twelve is beethoven's moonlight sonata. no words... just music... for thought and meditation.

i use classical music while studying. i don't like to study *something i should be doing right now* so if i can make it more enjoyable by listening to music... heck yes, ima do it :) this song is one of my favorites...

i like to imagine beethoven watching the moonlight dance on the water or make shadows move across his street with fascination. having no audible connection to his world, he could only create what he thought things sounded like... the music of life... this is the music of the moon.

it is soft and serene... tranquil and awe-inspiring... calming and rejuvenating. do you not agree?

if we think about the function of the moon- keeping the forces of gravity in check, reflected by the daily ebb and flow of the oceans, lakes, and ponds of the earth- it is steady. it is constant. it maintains its rhythm... hear it in the song?

and there are the phases of the moon! *news flash* growing up we always had our favorites: the full moon, "God's toenail" moon, "no" moon, first/last quarter moon. there was a new moon every night. this, to me, is present in the song as the variated, repetitive element that keeps your attention. like the cycles of the moon, the notes are never expressed the same way. you can watch thousands displays of the moon and never see the same one repeat. there is always something new- a star, a cloud, a new skyscraper adding to the essence that is the night time horizon.

midnight skyscapes in the mountains are fabulous reminders of the power of God. nights are often clear, and the stars shine like *cliche* diamonds. it is true! it is as if you could reach out and pluck the star of your choice out of the sky... who can truly conceive the majestic nature of a star... something we see as a "twinkling" element of our nights is actually a huge ball of burning gases... and it has a color... and a name, a God-given name. and we think of them as pinpricks in a piece of black construction paper...

it just goes to show you that our minds are not capable of understanding... anything. it seems like the more answers we get, the questions arise. this is the point i take two steps back... the beethoven of my imagination may have had it right. maybe we are just supposed to be filled with wonder and amazement by the creations of God's hand. maybe we don't have to know all the answers in order to appreciate the entities that decorate our lives. moonlight sonata takes me to that place...

a place of thought and meditation... thoughts of the beauty of nature portrayed by beautiful music.

track eleven: You are everything

matthew west's You are everything is track eleven. i absolutely love this song... today, i think i will post the lyrics and let you explore what they mean to you...

i'm the one with two left feet
standing on a lonely street
i can't even walk a straight line
and every time You look at me
i'm spinning like an autumn leaf
bound to hit bottom sometime.

where would i be without someone to save me
someone who won't let me fall...

You are everything that i live for
everything that i can't believe is happening
You're standing right in front of me with arms wide open
all i know is every day is filled with hope
You are everything that i breathe for
and i can't help but breathe you in and breathe again
feeling all this life within
every single beat of my heart!

i'm the one with big mistakes
big regrets and bigger breaks
than i'd ever care to confess
oh but, You're the one who looks at me
and sees what i was meant to be
more than just a beautiful mess...

where would i be without someone to save me
someone who won't let me fall...

You are everything that i live for
everything that i can't believe is happening
You're standing right in front of me with arms wide open
all I know is every day is filled with hope
cuz' You are everything that i breathe for
and i can't help but breathe you in and breathe again
feeling all this life within
every single beat of my heart-

You're everything good in my life
Everything honest and true
And all of those stars hanging up in the sky
Could never shine brighter than You!!

You are everything that i live for
everything that i can't believe is happening
You're standing right in front of me with arms wide open
all I know is every day is filled with hope
cuz' You are everything that i breathe for
and i can't help but breathe you in breathe again
feeling all this life within
every single beat of my heart
You are
You are, Jesus,
You are, You are everything!

what did you learn from this song?

my reflections: even though i am totally incapable of doing anything on my own- walking a straight line, breathing a single breath, getting one thing right in life- my Savior sees me as i was supposed to be... He sees me without a blemish or mistake because i have been made new in Him. and because of that, He is everything to me... everything!

track ten: i hope you dance

not trying to be overly mushy or make anybody cry, but track ten *over halfway, baby* is lee ann womack's i hope you dance.

pretty sure this is the hope of every parent for their children. i know my mom and dad raised the three of us "to dance" in a world of walkers... and i really appreciate that. i am approaching that age when dancing is the most important. making big decisions, determining the plan for the rest of my life, closing significant chapters of my youth and joining the big and very real world... and i want to dance.

this song has become my dream... my parents, grandparents, other family, older friends, and mentors have dreamt this for me my whole life... but it is my turn now. i still expect them to push me to be the best and ride me when i don't make the best decisions *because i know i won't always do that and i don't have most of the answers* but i am going to take over the responsibility of dreaming...

pretty assertive, watch out!

so, why does this song earn a place on this soundtrack? because. (remember when you learned that because was not a sufficient answer? remember the first time you heard a parent answer "because" and you smarted off by mockingly saying "because is not an answer" *haha* and remember when the new answer became "because i said so" and how that pretty much ended the conversation and you did whatever your parent said? remember that? just wondering) back to the matter at hand, this song is on my soundtrack because it defines my loved ones expectations and hope for my life; thus, it defines my outlook on life and the person i want to be... i want to dance!

key concepts within the lyrics of this song (as they appear):

• always full of wonder... never claiming to know it all, never bored with what surrounds you, always expecting to learn something new.
• always hungry... even though you are well-provided-for, expect more. not a materialistic hunger, rather for a hunger for that which truly satisfies
• always grateful... for every breath, but beyond that.
• experience love... maybe not from that significant other, but feel loved
• always feel small... true humility, never out grow your own pants... don't let your head get too big :)
• keep the faith... fight to keep it, even.
• no fear... this line makes me laugh because mountains can be very deceiving. they are covered with roads (who knew, right?) no matter how big and overwhelming those roads may seem, there is always a way to get over them... don't fear the mountains in the distance... don't fear period.
• be your own person... don't follow the crowd because it is the easiest thing to do. the hard things are worth the fight...
• take chances... don't live irresponsibly, but don't always follow the rules *my friend wendy and i had this conversation the other day :)* push the limits, responsibly... they make you grow. take chances on love, too... it may hurt, but you'll get over it before you get married :)
• keep a joyful heart... don't adopt bitterness as a new pet- have faith in the human race, don't harden your heart out of fear or anger... it won't help anybody (especially you)
• spend time with God... serious time with Him. He is worth more than a passing glance!!!

and DANCE!!! dance through life. leave a happy trail of footprints behind you. participate in life!

in the chorus, the backup guys are singing some good stuff... "time is a real and constant motion always pushing us along/ tell me who wants to look back at their youth and wonder where those years have gone." you can't get time back... you can't stop it from going on... so live your life to the fullest- every single solitary minute of it!

this song can be more than a ballad from a parent to a child...

can you find God in this song? will you choose to dance through life?

track nine: shine on us

this track is one of my heart's constant prayers... sung here by one of my favorite artists (avalon), track nine is shine on us.

and because it is a plead for God's hand in our lives, i don't think it needs much explanation... just reflection... heart-felt expression to the Light of the world. so, today's post is a prayer...

Lord, let Your light shine on us. Your life-giving light, Heavenly Father, let it shine on us and give us direction when we can't find our way... let it shine, let it shine... Lord, let us also radiate that light... make us Your lights here to reach the lost and dying world trying to live without You. let Your light shine on us...

Lord, let Your grace fall on us. The grace we don't deserve but accept with ever grateful hearts, Savior, let Your grace fill our lives. and let us share that grace, Lord. ready us to forgive and give us power to do so... let us release grudges that will poison Your kingdom. Your grace, we need it. let Your grace fall on us...

Lord, let Your love come over us. Love that cannot be measured or contained, Almighty God, let it not only come over us but also pour out from our every pore. Loving Father, we are incapable of seeing everyone like You do... give us eyes to see one another in love. let us be vessels of Your love. let Your love come over us...

that we may be saved, God... because we all need to be saved. no one, no one is above that. that we may have life- a life filled with You and filled with a purpose that is bigger than ourselves. that we may have direction in a dark and cloudy world, that we may have Your guiding hand holding ours every step of our journey, that we may have hearts willing to follow Your lead... Almighty Father God, let Your light shine on us... let Your grace fall on us... let Your love come over us... in Your Holy Son's most precious name, He who enabled us to come to you with confidence, it is in His name we pray. amen!

track eight: work that

track eight is mary j. blige's work that... it is a relatively new song; however, it has had a profound impact on my life.

the first time i heard this song, i thought it was catchy. this song isn't your typical power-to-the-woman-bash-all-men song. it speaks more about women being psychologically and emotionally beaten by today's culture. the concept "work that" is from the runway... strutting, cat-walking, throwing your hips around... but i see it more as a a confidence in what you have-- the things that make you you.

God really speaks to me through the lyrics (and the beat... haha) of this song... in a very personal way. the first line talks about becoming a queen. God reminds me that i am His child *which makes me a princess* and all princesses are regal- like queens. i spent a lot of time rejecting the idea that i was anything close to royalty... instead i chose to place myself at the bottom of everyone's totem pole. i preferred mud and dirt to the sunshine a couple heads up. but i am beautiful and deserve to be seen! God reminds me of that in this song.

there is serious pressure amongst the young people in this world to fit the mold and conform to the standards projected in the media. for me, this song gives me confidence to be different... more importantly, it allows me to be proud of my difference. "it's okay show yourself some love/ don't worry who's saying what/ it's gonna be fine/ work what you got." so let them hate (rag, complain, gossip, etc.) let them talk because i realize it is only because they are not happy with who they are... i am confident enough in who i am as my Father's child to take it. that is what God tells me in this song...

so, work that! work what God has given you in this earthly life to prove to others that He is good. be it illness or self-confidence or physical limitation or deformity or whatever else... work it to His glory.

mary j. blige might not share this viewpoint, but that is the beauty of art... it is up to the viewer/listener for interpretation... that is pretty cool. something else that is pretty cool: "for God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him" ~philippians 2:13. work that, friend... work that!