bless you if you read those words and knew the song behind the words enough to hum your way through it :) i am currently living on a farm on the outskirts of a major metropolis of north carolina with several black cows (and red ones and a few white ones and one brown cow), goats, sheep, and a llama. there is the typical farmhouse cat and a flock of geese floating in the backyard pond. i believe the setting would be pretty much perfect if it included a/c retaining walls and a television... but perhaps it is perfect just the way it is...
i have a lot of time to myself here. strike that, in the free time that i spend here (not all that abundant or frequent) i don't have much to distract my typically over stimulated thought process. *that could be a good thing... or that could be a not good thing* i have often found myself randomly singing songs from my childhood- such as the one above...
winnie the pooh, sing-a-longs, disney movies, hide-em in your heart songs, etc... they have all flooded my subconscious in recent weeks. given that i don't really have many people to talk to on this solely inhabited acreage with little cell reception and slow internet, and given that it may be slightly frowned upon to make small talk with the animals (unless you are dr. doolittle, which i am not) i am completely okay with the fact that sometimes i sing songs audibly and alone just to hear some sort of noise echo off the walls.
i am amazed sometimes by the simpleness of life on the farm... the quietness, stillness... the tranquility that is locked behind these fences and doors which preserves a way of life only known to those generations ago... i commonly reflect on this theme... i wonder how i can love the quietness but crave the sound; how i am very much at home in the wild grass pastures yet disconnected from my agricultural roots and the life i could have easily lived... perhaps you think this is nothing. perhaps it is nothing...
i have this stark contrast in my life right now. amid multiple stressors of relocating, selling a house, starting a new job, taking on new bills, making large life adjustments, i work in a concrete jungle and live in the middle of farmtown, usa. there is a sense of congruency missing from my life.
i guess that it has been like this for sometime... it is just more evident now...
sunday i sang a song in church. i was supposed to sing this duet almost two years ago, but it never came to be until this week. the song was "Jesus i am resting, resting." as i prepared for it, i couldn't help but notice the irony of the moment. *tangent- when i choose a song to sing in church, i like to choose a message that relates to my life OR has a message i believe others need to hear. either way, i have to be in a place where the words of the song mean something to me, personally. i can't fake a song purely to sing it... if that makes sense* so the words of this song have been filtering through the speakers of my car for about a week, maybe five days... i repeated the track and rehearsed the verses countless times (i only sang two verses) i love the song and i love the words in the song. i love what the song has to say, even with its "thee's, thou's, and thine's" but there was a small disconnect with my mouth, head, and heart. small may be a generous term regarding the true depth of the schism...
the song was written in the 1800's sometime. we upped the musical presence of the song to include a good beat of electric guitars, keyboards, and synthetic drums. but the words stayed the same... the message remained intact...
the house i am living in now was built in the 1800's. the song i recently sang was written in the 1800's. i find it hard to believe that "resting" was such a struggle in those days compared to the huge feat it seems to be now... this concept of rest, resting in Jesus, learning His goodness and trusting His heart it isn't a new struggle for humanity...
the third verse of the song was omitted in the version i sang. it is the verse that probably means the most to me and enabled me to sing the rest of the song sunday with honesty and purpose. it says, "simply trusting Thee Lord Jesus, i behold Thee as Thou art. Thy love so pure, so changeless, satisfies my heart. satisfies its deepest longings, meets, supplies its every need. compasseth me round with blessings. Thine is love indeed." *translation, for the non kjv'ers out there* simply trusting Jesus as Lord we are able to see Him for who He is, the awesome degree of love He showers on us... this love that meets our every need, our every longing, our every craving- it doesn't change, wane, or bear grievances. it blesses my socks off and blows my mind while filling my greatest desires and surrounding me with more than i will ever need. that is love... that is the love found in Jesus, in trusting Him, in resting in His goodness...
i have to go to bed, so i will wrap this up. sleep is a wonderful thing. rest is an even greater concept if we learn how to do it. if it was a struggle in the 1800's- an age without the technological vices that suck our lives away today- how much greater of a struggle is true rest today. i'm okay to live in a incongruent stage for the moment. coming home to a house without my normal techie blankets of security may allow me to find a deeper sense of rest... a true sense of rest...
