what i wish i had known...

let me back track right quick like...

hey! it has been a while- i do apologize *seems to be a trend* but alas i am still alive and well enough to journal this next installment of an incredibly stale blog. all is well here on the homefront. life is good. life is changing, but life is good :)

back to the title of this over-due post: i tried to post something the other day... something that just rocked my world to the point that i had to share it with you... but apparently you can't be signed into multiple gmail accounts at one time *that is what i wish i had known* THUS that post in all its grandeur was lost. i am going to briefly repeat myself just because i think it is worth sharing...

i am nearing the end of my pa school journey. all the hard work, heart-strain, and sleepless nights are behind me *i think* and the only real thing separating me from that 'certified' status is a six hour national certification exam... so i've been told. i am currently completing an online class entitled pance prep ii. the title isn't all that important- it is the second installment of the physician assistant national certification exam (pance) preparation course- but i got to thinking about that word "preparation" the other day... how the last 26 months have served as my preparation to sit for my boards and practice my profession... preparation.

the word comes to mind when we think about cooking times, athletic competitions, major exams, acceptance speeches, maternal nesting habits, retirement portfolios, hemorrhoid ointment (you know you just smiled) the list goes on... preparation is part of our drive to succeed. i decided to look the word up the other day- probably secondary to some last ditch effort to procrastinate- and this is what i found with help from merriam-webster: preparation is a noun first used in the 14th century... it means the action or process of making something ready for use or service OR the process of getting ready for some occasion, test, or duty. that is the primary definition... nothing to write home about there... the second definition- a state of being prepared.

i mean, naturally, i had to go look that one up... prepared. you know what it means? sure we all know how to define the word, but its true definition *whew* "subjected to a special process or treatment... give me some freedom in definition substitution here... preparation=a state of being subjected to special treatment.

*ca-ching... money in the bank* this is what hit me hard then and equally as hard as i repeat it. the definition just free-lanced by word substitution gives us a passive action image... being subjected to.

it isn't about making sure we, ourselves, are treated in a special manner. it isn't us creating a special process that makes us far superior to those around us... it is a passive phrase, a passive pattern, a passive position DEFINING the active state of preparation. preparation takes work, correct? that makes it active... which is where this gets even more beautiful.

quick recap... i feel like i am moving fast, but i am just trying to keep up with my thoughts... preparation is an active state defined by a passive verb, but you know what else that verb is? present tense... it is actually a passive present continuous verb... did you catch that? one word at a time... PASSIVE- PRESENT- CONTINUOUS...

being subjected to special treatment.

in our active state of preparation- doing all we can do to make ourselves ready for the tasks, trials, and duties at hand- we are still defined by that passive state where we can continuously find ourselves subjected to His special treatment. there isn't a past or future implication here... it is present tense. it doesn't rely on our actions... it is a passive tense. it isn't going anywhere... it is continuous...

and i guess it just hit me really hard how one little word that i have seen all my life could have such a big meaning... especially to me at this time- where my entire scholastic career hangs in the balance of my preparedness to sit for boards, where my ability to perform my duties will be tested on a daily and hourly basis, where i will invest and plant my roots and prepare for future seasons of life, where i have so many questions depending on that one word... preparation. ultimately, am i comfortable with the amount of preparation i have developed? can i be?

after this little word discovery practice, there is no way for me to logically feel ill-prepared... you know? if i am, it more than likely relates to my wanting to rush things or take on more than i should. at this point in time of my life, i need to stay in the present and stay in the passive and rest in the Continuous. that is how i am meant to be prepared. and being prepared is all the preparation i need...

i didn't really intend to make this brief recap the entire post, but words just continued to come. i don't have a filter when i put these out there... i don't think i should... i do, however, think it is time to sleep. there is still studying to be done *that is my active duty, hahaha* but there will be no fretting over the large 6-hour, electronic monstrosity glaring my way... i am prepared for that, for certain :)

hope that train of thought could be followed...

and if it could, then get a kick out of this... synonyms for prepared: set, fit, ready, and go. if you can't see power in the words there, i'll help you. we are subjected to His special treatment that we may be set, fit, and readied to go. dang, i love God.