desperate cries, somber times

there are times that we all need to experience the lowest of the lows so that we can truly understand the beauty and mercy found at the highest of highs... there are things said, things expressed, during these low times that enable us to reach a new point in our souls... pits, maybe, are still increasing the capacity of our souls....... we find ourselves in new positions *familiar, but not identical to those in which we have previously found ourselves* complete pronation before the throne of grace, glory and love... somehow flattened more than we thought we could ever be. complete abduction of both shoulders- stretching almost out of socket just to expand our exposure- pain shooting through our fingertips hoping to catch the slightest breeze of God's movement in our expansive stance... heads thrown back... heads bowed forward... sometimes a combination of the two... on our knees... on our face-- all positions of reverence in front of a God bigger than anything we are facing.

there are times our hearts are moved to cry out in praise when the rest of us feels nothing... times when we find ourselves incapable of truly relaying our desired message to Abba Father. we are trapped in bodies unable to praise *in a worthy enough way* the One who created the idea of praise and our desire to do so even when we feel limited by our methods...

there are efforts to climb out of the pits and valleys... lunging our through the terrain only to discover we are walking in circles and spinning down deeper into the crater... we are not content to sit still, we are not prepared to give up the fight and plant our roots... it is here we find ourselves wasted and empty, depleted and numb... we fall and lay the way we landed...

... landing here and staying here praying to be restored...

... and we wait for restoration. knowing that we have done and are doing all we can, resting in the faith we have been accepted into and taken as our own... it is here i find myself today- hands raised, head thrown back, tears streaming, red faced, weary, broken, and depleted of all things self... it is here i wait...

i wait trusting that His grace is sufficient and His power is made perfect in my weakness... i will attempt to be glad in my weakness, to boast of it even, because then i know the power of Christ will rest upon me... i will be content in these hard times, in this period of weakness for the sake of Christ. why? because when i am weak, I AM is strong... and when I AM is strong, so too am i...

... let me feel it...

how many names?

i have been struggling a little bit... living by yourself can be a hard thing to do, especially when you are used to college dorms and rambunctious sisters. school is picking up big time, and i feel like i could drown any given week. its the mental side of it... knowing everything you have to do- everything you have to grow up to be... overwhelming, yes... impossible, no...

then i stumbled across this little excerpt from on of my most favorite books:

"when i live like i'm privileged, i have lost the plot. in other words, when i start acting like i deserve a certain outcome or a higher standard of life, i have failed to strike the fatal blow to self and am living like i actually have rights in this world apart from God. when i am demanding, i have lost the plot, insisting that God and others meet my needs on the timetable that i see fit. when i act pompous, i have lost the plot, thinking that i am somebody while only proving that i haven't had a good look at God today. when i crumble under the pressure, i have lost the plot, declaring that the outcome of life rests squarely on my shoulders, not His. when i start protecting, i have lost the plot, marking turf as though it were actually mine and forgetting that everything i have comes first from above. when i crave the spotlight for myself, i have lost the plot, losing sight of the story line and the one true Star. when i fail to celebrate the success of others who are living for His fame, i have lost the plot, thinking that possibly we are on different teams when we actually share supporting roles the same story. when i dwell on feelings of being unloved, unnoticed, or insignificant, i have lost the plot, abandoning the miracle of knowing God on a first-name basis." ~louie giglio, i am not but i know I AM

knowing that i know I AM... knowing that i know that i am not I AM... gosh, that takes off some pressure, yeah? and that made me think of this song by nichole nordeman. Elbow Healer, Superhero, Heartache Healer, Secret Keeper, my Best Friend, Shepherd, Savior, Pasture Maker, Holder of my hand, Creator, Maker, Life Sustainer, Comforter, Healer, my Redeemer, Lord and King, Beginning and the End... I AM :) wow, how little are we?

this isn't really an "introspective look into erin's head" blog today... this is a sharing of erin's heart-

what do you do when you don't want to do what you are supposed to be doing?

i am supposed to be studying for a pharmacology exam (ra, oa, gout, constipation, diarrhea, ibs, ibd, nsaids, and opioids) it isn't really all that fun, DEspite what you may think when you read over that list...

there are very few things that excite me more than new music... i decided to update my blog music for your benefit :))

its on the left :)

i got really bored trying to study for a pharmacology exam... [note the word trying]

i hope it encourages you as you read along! enjoy~